The king of contradictions

Cold, Hard Football Facts for Mar 02, 2006



Inbred Cold, Hard Football Facts troll Steve Hatch, who doubles as the co-author of our Power Rankings, chimed in again on the Capo di Tutti Hack, Pete Prisco of CBS Sportsline.
 
Sure, it's the offseason. But Hatch reminds us that Prisco never takes a break from his contradictory, incoherent hackery. Here's Hatch with the straight dope on CBS Sportsline's straight dope.
 
***
Hey folks, Pete Prisco, the King of Contradictions, is at it again.
 
 
"... no player older than 28 will be included in my top 10. That's a belief I have in free agency. Teams that sign older, descending players get themselves into a lot of trouble. So when signing players, the target age should be between 26 and 28. Anything older is a risk. One other motto: No running backs ... This is the top 10. Just remember: No backs and no players older than 28."
 
It's obvious even to a small schoolchild that his rules are completely arbitary and irrational. Hey, they're his rules. But then Prisco created a new list on Feb. 28, less than three weeks after compiling his first list. This new list included his ranking of the Top 50 free agents. Suddenly, he ignored his own rules that he created just three weeks ago. His Top 10 list included these three players:
 
"3. Terrell Owens, WR, Eagles: He's not a free agent yet, but he will be when the period starts. Despite all of his issues, he's still a great player. Don't forget that.
 
"9. Charles Woodson, CB, Raiders: He's rated higher on this board than most, but that's because I still think he's a premier cover corner. Getting away from Oakland will be good for him.
 
"10. Adam Vinatieri, K, Patriots: It's rare you'll see a kicker this high, but he's the real deal. Clutch is his middle name."
 
Now let's look at these three players:
  • Owens was born on Dec 7, 1973. So at the time Prisco wrote this, three weeks after saying top free agents should be 26 to 28 years old, Owens was 32.
  • Woodson was born on Oct. 7, 1976. So at the time Prisco wrote this, three weeks after saying top free agents should be 26 to 28 years old, Woodson was 29.
  • Vinatieri was born on Dec 28, 1972. So at the time Prisco wrote this, three weeks after saying top free agents should be 26 to 28 years old, Vinatieri was 33.
So much for "no players older than 28"!
 
But it gets worse. Remember on Feb. 9, when Prisco said he had two rules? One was that players should be 26 to 28 years old, and the other was that no running backs should be included in the list of top free agents.
 
Well, here's what Prisco wrote about his second list: "For those of you wondering, (Edgerrin) James and (Shaun) Alexander (pictured here) are still not in my top 10. Remember, backs on the down-slope of their careers don't have a chance of making the top 10 here."
 
The fact that he says "remember" seems to make it a reference to the Feb. 9 list, the one where he laid out Prisco's golden rules of free agency. The paragraph screams of stupidity for several reasons.
 
First, he reminds people that running backs don't merit inclusion on his free-agent Top 10. But he conveniently forgets about his 26-28 rule. Perhaps he realized it was a completely arbitrary and irrational "rule." Perhaps he just forgot. In either case, he ignored one of his very own rules. But it does explain why his second list of top free agents was suddenly filled with players older than 28.
 
Second, he continues to insist that running backs "on the down-slope of their careers" don't merit consideration as leading free agents. He continues to insist that Edgerrin James and Shaun Alexander are crippled old players who don't merit consideration among the top players in the league.
 
The Cold, Hard Football Facts can draw just one conclusion from this position on James and Alexander: After a career of quackery passed off as football analysis, Prisco has finally lost his marbles.
 
James (pictured here) is just 27 years old and entering his eighth NFL season. He rushed for 1,506 yards, generated 1,843 yards of offense (fourth-best in his career), ran for a career-high 13 TDs and is the MOST PRODUCTIVE OFFENSIVE PLAYER IN THE HISTORY OF FOOTBALL. James averages 125.7 yards from scrimmage per game, No. 1 all time. A fella named Jim Brown is No. 2 (125.5 yards per game). James did take something of a dip in 2005, all the way down to 122.9 yards per game.
 
Alexander is 28 years old and entering his seventh NFL season. He's fresh off a campaign in which he won the NFL rushing title (1,880 yards), averaged 5.1 yards per carry, appeared in the Super Bowl and SET THE ALL-TIME NFL SINGLE-SEASON TOUCHDOWN RECORD (28).
 
Not bad for a pair of players "on the down-slope of their careers."
 
As the Cold, Hard Football Facts have stated before, it's a miracle this Capo di Tutti Hack continues to earn a living in a profession that asks him to put his thoughts down in print. It's a miracle a major media outlet, one that broadcasts NFL games, continues to pay this hack and, even worse, continues to position him as a pigskin "pundit." There are rats with four testicles in Iranian chemical warfare research labs capable of more lucid football commentary.
 
The Cold, Hard Football Facts are hardly alone in their assertions. One of the best responses to Prisco's contradictory and irrational free-agent overviews came from a poster on the CBS Sportsline board. As posters in our Football Forum can attest, CBS Sportsline's board is filled with degenerate idiots who do nothing but scream at each other (Prisco, with his incoherent rants, seems to attract that kind of crowd). But this poster nailed it:
 
"Seriously this is the second most worthless thing I've read. The first being Prisco's predictions for the AFC West last year. I love cbs sportsline, I just hate that they have a no talent idiot writer on their NFL staff."

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