Jets-Redskins Preview: Science Fiction Edition

Cold, Hard Football Facts for Dec 02, 2011



Coming off a victory over the Bills last week, the Jets look to repeat this week as they take on the Washington Redskins on Sunday at FedEx Field. Jason Horowitz and NFL.com's Pat Kirwan break down this game. Watch the game at 1 PM ET on CBS.
By Kennedy Ross
Cold Hard Football Facts "Danger Will Robinson" Robot


The Washington Redskins have lost seven out of their last eight games. They have been flipping quarterbacks like a circus themed midget porno. They just installed a new starting running back. Head coach Mike Shanahan looks like he has lost his touch. And owner Daniel Schneider is still probably insane. It's the type of game that should scare the crap out of any Jets fan.

Here are three facts you may want to keep in mind:

1. Grossman is up in the batting order.

The great thing about QB Rex Grossman is that he could implode at any moment. Taking his team and at least half a dozen die hard fans into the Potomac with him. The bad thing about Grossman is that while he's waiting to self destruct, he could do some pretty good quarterbacking. The story remains the same. Overall the Jets are still a good defensive team as their rankings in our Defensive Passer Rating and Defensive Real Quarterback Rating indicates. The problem is that there are still gaps in the middle of the Jets defense. And of course, there is "The Bum Cromartie". It is not irrational to say at this point that "The Bum Cromartie" may have a heavy gambling debt with Russian KGB double agents posing as 'Hooters' waitresses, and he is trying to pay off his bet by sabotaging the Jets games with his incredibly offensive performance at CB. Let that marinate for a while and then try to come up with a better explanation for his play . . . we dare you.

2. A more depressing 4TD game there has never been.

Jets QB Mark Sanchez tossed four touchdowns last week against the Bills last week, and he still induced a period of mourning for the Jets. It probably had something to do with his 48.6% completion percentage and 180 yards he threw during that game. This is why he is still in the bottom half of our Real Quarterback Rating, Offensive Passer Rating, and our Real Passing Yards Per Attempt. The Redskins defense is run of the mill itself so Sanchez will have his opportunities. The problem is he usually has his opportunities, he just doesn't do much with them. Hopefully the run game can give him some help again this week as they did last week. Or else it may be time to start looking for a new 'gringo' QB.

3. Has Revis gotten over that 24 hour Ebola bug?

Since Darrelle Revis has proven to be at the top of the heap when it comes to defensive backs, and has shut down various All Pro's and future Hall Of Famer's. We have to assume that he is being bothered by something more than 'a bad game' or 'a slump'. Perhaps his leg is broken and they were only able to hold it together with two-sided tape? Or maybe  the 'flesh eating disease' consumed the superfluous quad muscle that enables him to stick to any receiver in the league. A more realistic answer of course is that the aliens who abducted Sanchez last week subjected Revis to a gene splicing experiment and mixed his genes with of course . . . "The Bum Cromartie". All of these are valid answers as to what is going on with Revis. The truth is that whatever it is, it needs to stop if the Jets are to have a real shot at the playoffs. Revis is that last 'great' thing they have on that team. And in many ways, the last line of defense for their defense. If he can't get back to his super-duper ways, then Jet fans better bend over for your galactic anal probing. With no Vaseline. 

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