CHFF World-Class Tailgate Treats
Cold, Hard Football Facts for Jul 12, 2005
(WARNING: Countless animals were harmed during the making of this section. Some were hauled from the seas on chemically sharpened hooks or in massive bottom-dredging nets that rape the ocean floor. Others were shot through the lungs and then bled to death while trying to escape through the woods. Some were filleted by our very own hands or by some itinerant worker earning 5 cents a day in a third-world seafood processing plant. Others were butchered in our backyard or led to their death in a massive Midwestern slaughterhouse. Either way, they all taste good.)
When we're not buried in football minutiae churning out the Cold, Hard Football Facts, we're knee-deep in bacon fat, planning world-class tailgates and whipping up – from the back of the PIGSKN Ford pick-up – the best meals on wheels you'll ever have. And our tailgate section is bigger, better and tastier than ever. Here's what you'll find:
- ESSENTIAL INFORMATION – Your Cold, Hard Football Facts guide to hardcore tailgating essentials, from deep-frying to pig butchering.
- GAMEDAY FAVORITES – World-class tailgate dishes from top chefs, restaurants and the kitchen of the 225 Club that we whip up on the tailgate of the PIGSKN Ford pick-up.
- TAILGATE BREAKFAST – Tailgating ain't just for lunch and dinner. We highlight some of our favorite morning tailgate favorites, from easy-made donuts to biscuits & gravy.
- SIDES, SNACKS, RUBS, SAUCES & MARINADES – Everything you need to stretch your already burgeoning belly on gameday or to turn that lifeless hunk of meat into a shining example of the superiority of tailgate man.
- THE CHFF SMOKEHOUSE & ROOT CELLAR – Any donkey can buy their food in a market. It takes a true tailgate artisan to craft their own handmade tailgate treats, from pickles and sauerkraut to hams and bacons.
- BEERS & COCKTAILS
How good is this stuff? Just look at our test kitchen staff. We call them the 225 Club and you may need a widescreen monitor to take in the full breadth of their rotund awesomeness. Even the tiniest member comes in at more than 225 pounds. They are socially awkward misfits, and generally incapable of forming relationships with females that don't involve the one-way exchange of large piles of $1 bills. However, they know tasty food, great football, hardcore tailgating, and the best nudie bars in 47 states.
They do not take these responsibilities lightly. In fact, they don't take anything lightly, especially their cholesterol pills. Still, we hold their food judgment in the highest esteem. After all, they were known as the 115 Club before joining our staff. Try some of the 225 Club's favorite recipes. You will never tailgate the same way again.
Got a dish you think we'll enjoy? Send it along. If we like it, we'll add it to our collection of hot, tasty tailgate treats, with due credit to you and your tailgate crew.
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