Cold, Hard Football Facts Archive: Pigskin Detention
Here in Pigskin Detention, we have compiled all of your favorite smackdowns of the most idiotic writers, broadcasters and opinions in sports today.
Relive the classic moments in Pigskin Detention history: from the first time we called out Pete Prisco, to the moment his lily liver ran yella with fear of the Cold, Hard Football Facts, to the habitual assault on journalistic ethics that passed for a Ron Borges's football column, to our broad-daylight mugging of Skip Bayless in "A slow, hanging curveball" – the most lopsided rout on record since USMC vs. Saddam Hussein and the single greatest gridiron exposé in history. More recently, we've hung Mel Kiper's "expertise" out to dry, like a dirty jizz rag after a long overdue spin through the hot cycle.
But there's much, much more to be found here in the dank, dirty cells of Pigskin Detention, where the thin shell of credibility is torn open in our torture chambers of truth, revealing only the hollow bodies of baseless opinions.
Good Grief! ESPN's swaddling clothes of hype
Isn't there anyone who knows what football is all about!? According to the Monday Night Countdown crew football is all about BrettFavre, the Savior born in the city of Kiln, whom ESPN wraps in swaddling clothes of hype each and every broadcast.
Pigskin Detention: Ditka in 2012!
Nobody rocked the tight end position like Ditka in 1961. Nobody rocked the sweater vest and sport coat combo like Ditka in 1985. And nobody rocks the ESPN pre-game show like Mike Ditka today. Maybe it's time to admit that Ditka is a God among "pundits."
Pigskin Detention: NFC West needs some 'pundit' love
The NFC West takes a beating from all corners of the country. Even the Cold, Hard Football Facts have labeled it the NFC Worst. But maybe we all need a little time in Pigskin Detention contemplating the general postseason effectiveness of the western quartet.
Pigskin Detention: maybe, Jemele, they're just sh*tty QBs
Life must be easy for ESPN bomb-thrower Jemele Hill. Everytime a quarterback sh*ts the bed and screws up his team's season, she simply comments on the color of his skin and draws another paycheck.
Pigskin Detention: Old Yeller Fever grips 'pundits'
Pigskin 'pundits' lovingly nuzzle BrettFavre with the tender love that young Travis showed for Old Yeller. Pat Imig breaks down the symptoms of Old Yeller Fever, with a Casey Kasem-style long-distance dedication, and even finds a few 'pundits' with the antidote.
Pigskin Detention: time for a Harvard moratorium
When it comes to the novelty of Harvard football players in the pros, the pigskin "pundits" can’t help themselves. Whenever a Harvard alum is involved in an NFL game, the broadcaster makes pained, awkward efforts to mention the school.
Pigskin Detention: Gospel according to Rev. Bruschi
When the Vikings announced the release of Randy Moss, ESPN analyst Tedy Bruschi took the opportunity to preach from his pigskin pulpit. Like every good preacher, Rev. Bruschi hammered home a moral. The moral to his story? Brad Childress is incompetent.