Thomas enters the Donkey Hall of Fame
Cold, Hard Football Facts for January 4, 2005

Buddy Thomas of the New Bedford Standard-Time was named Donkey of the Week on Monday and was ruthlessly punished by a fifth-degree black belt in Pig-Skin-Kwan-Do, the Cold, Hard Football Facts. Bloodied but unbowed, Thomas foolishly came back for a little more where-y'at and what-for.

Today Thomas ascends to the rarified air of the Donkey Hall of Fame by stating that Tom Brady will never amount to anything until he sups on a meal of chicken and peas at the regular-season MVP awards dinner. After all, says Thomas, a couple trips to Disney World, a pair of Cadillac Escalades, two last-second Super Bowl-winning scoring drives and a ring for each hand are nothing compared with a dinner of chicken and peas.

We congratulate Thomas for his ascension into the Donkey Hall of Fame, but we are concerned about his mental well being. Instead of unleashing another beating, we attempt to nurse Thomas back to health by force-feeding him the elixir of enlightenment, the antidote of ignorance, the Cold, Hard Football Facts.

From: "Thomas Buddy" <bthomas@s-t.com>
To: "Cold Hard Football Facts"
Sent: Monday, January 03, 2005 10:04 AM
Subject: Re: Buddy Thomas, Donkey of the Week

Hey statman, without putting up good stats over the course of a regular season, Mr. Manning wouldn't be able to lift the Colts into the playoffs and being able to win an MVP award over the course of a full season is a much greater achievement than being named the MVP of a Super Bowl.

Why? Check the numbers, old Stat Sage. Over the course of a regular season, the MVP is selected from more than 1600 football players who build their stats over the course of 16 games unlike the Super Bowl MVP who needs only to beat out just over 100 people in a popularity contest. By any stat system, 16 is greater than 1 and 1600 is far greater than 100. If there's no regular season, there's no playoffs and, subsequently, no Super Bowl which means NO awards for Brady. Why? Because his mediocre performances over the course of a 16-game regular season are covered up by the brilliant play of a defense and the accurate right leg of a field goal kicker whose combined coattails he rides into the playoffs where the spotlight always shines brightest on the quarterback.

By the admission of who is Joe Montana the greatest QB in modern NFL history? Could it be the same people who currently sign the praises of Peyton Manning, people like Phil Simms and every analyst lucky enough to see Manning play?

Doug Williams. Otis Anderson. Mark Rypien. Desmond Howard. Dexter Jackson. Where in Canton can I find the busts of any of these one-game heroes who have basked in the limelight of Super Bowl MVP. Think anyone even remembers who half these guys are? Hee-Haw.

We don't report stats....we report facts. Bottom line: if you can do one thing, please explain to us Manning's 54.6 passer rating in four postseason losses.

In the interim, here are 10 Cold, Hard Football Facts for you to ponder.

Fact 1: Peyton Manning is a great regular season QB (92.3 career passer rating). We've never disputed that.

Fact 2: Manning is one of the great choke artists in NFL history (54.6 rating in four playoff losses). You haven't even attempted to explain this.

Fact 3: Brady has the 7th best passer rating in NFL history at 87.5, better than Marino, Favre, Elway and quite a few other hall-of-fame players. (Manning just surpassed Brady this year after his record-setting regular season). Not bad for an "overrated" QB.

Fact 4: Brady is one of the great clutch performers in NFL history with the best record in tight games, the best record in overtime, the best record in the post-season, the best record. Period. Oh yeah, the only QB in NFL history to lead two last-second, game-winning scoring drives in championship games. Guess that's not quite as impressive to you as Manning's six TD passes in a regular season game against Detroit.

Fact 5: You defy the laws of decency and common sense by attempting to minimize these accomplishments without making some sort of effort to explain Manning's sad, sorrowful and woeful postseason performances. At least make an effort to show us we're wrong.

Fact 6: You keep citing New England's "brilliant" defense. But 30 of 38 Super Bowl-winning teams had a better defense than New England's 2001 team, which surrendered 17.0 points per game. Eighteen of 38 Super Bowl winners had a better defense than New England's 2003 team (14.9 PPG). Look it up. Better yet, we'll send you the numbers.

Fact 7: All the great multi-championship QBs in NFL history were surrounded by better defenses and/or more highly touted talent than Brady. Dispute this. I dare you.

Fact 8: No QB in Super Bowl history has won more with less talent around him than Brady. Montana, Bradshaw, Starr and Brady's other equals in post-season performances played on teams littered with Pro Bowlers and hall of famers. Two-time Super Bowl MVP Starr played with 10 hall of famers and a hall-of-fame coach. Two-time Super Bowl MVP Bradshaw played with eight hall of famers and a hall-of-fame coach. The 1984 49ers (to cite one great Niners team) had 10 Pro Bowlers, a hall-of-fame coach and, as we speak, two hall of famers (but that number will soon grow). Brady has played with just four positional teammates (Seymour, Milloy, Law, McGinest) who even made the Pro Bowl during his four years at the helm in New England. Brady, in other words, certainly looks spectacular by comparison.

Fact 9: Like we already said, you put more stock in the regular season than you do the post-season. Your most recent e-mail only goes to prove that.

Fact 10: You suffer some sort of problem if, in the face of all this evidence, you can't just admit that Brady's a brilliant player and that Manning's the Picasso of Choke artists.

Just one question Mr. Factman. With all of these impressive credentials, why has Mr. Wonderful NEVER been invited to the league MVP dinner? That's the true mark of a brilliant football player – one who impresses over the course of a 16-game schedule. When ole Tommy is voted MVP by his entire family of peers, I'll elevate him to Manning-like status. Hee-Haw

Well, congratulations. You've just completed your ascendancy to the Donkeydom Hall of Fame.

Peyton Manning would give up all the steak and peas in the world at the MVP dinner for a couple trips to Disney World, a pair of Cadillaic Escalades, two last-second Super Bowl-winning drives and a championship ring on each hand.

Clearly, you just don't get it. The whole purpose of pro football is to win a title. That's why they play. They don't play for a warm dinner roll and some gravy. Plus, you've still never explained Manning's Marino-esque 54.6 passer rating in four playoff losses or come up with a reason why Brady has a better passer rating at the same point in his career.

In any case, here's the math in the simplest terms possible:

Peyton Manning = great regular season QB
Tom Brady = great postseason QB
Buddy Thomas = donkey