There's an insidious epidemic destroying the mental capacity of "pundits" across the nation.

 

It's a disease called Spinal Manningitis, a pigskin parasite that eats the backbone of "pundits," turning them into spineless frauds afraid to criticize the holiest name in football, Peyton Manning, or the almighty Indy offense. It then infects the cranial cavity, rendering once-cogent "pundits" little more than blind, blubbering idiots incapable of digesting data and unable to see the obvious. Of course, with no spine, backbone or brain, it's only a matter of time before the all-important vital sign called credibility flatlines, leaving the "pundit" dead in the eyes of you, the pigskin public.

 

Fortunately, there's a cure for Spinal Manningitis: a big, heavy, dripping IV dose of pigskin wisdom called the Cold, Hard Football Facts. We have plenty of it stored away in our medical chest of sobering reality.

 

We administered our last dose of antidote last season, following yet another subpar, season-ending performance by the Indy offense: a weak, pathetic, embarrassing 3-point effort by an offense that had averaged 32.6 points per game over the course of the entire 2004 season. Only twice in the entire history of the NFL had there been a bigger negative differential between the points a team averaged in the regular season and the points it scored in a playoff game.

 

It was also the fifth subpar performance by the Indy offense in five playoff appearances over the past six years. In fact, it was Indy's worst offensive performance in two entire seasons – its worst performance, not so coincidentally, since a postseason shutout at the hands of a 9-7 Jets team in 2002.

 

We thought this most recent injection of Spinal Manningitis antidote following the 2004 playoffs would have been enough to cure the "pundits" of their hideous disease. It was not. They're back in full force in the 2005 pigskin previews, as loud as ever, and as obnoxious, wayward and inaccurate as a Peyton Manning postseason pass attempt.

 

How do you know if a "pundit" has Spinal Manningitis? It's easy. They ignore the horrible postseason track record of Indy's offense and attempt to lay the blame for the team's postseason failures on the shoulders of its much-maligned defense.

 

Here's a quick look at some of the more disturbing symptoms of Spinal Manningitis we've discovered in many previews leading into the 2005 season. We attempt to counter this disease with a quick injection of the Cold, Hard Football Facts.

 

Symptom: "It's business as usual for Peyton Manning and the high-scoring offense, but for this team to get past the Patriots, the defense has to raise its game." – Sports Illustrated, in its online NFL preview

Cold, Hard Football Facts antidote: Over the past two seasons, the Indy defense has surrendered 21.5 points per game and the Indy offense has scored 30.3 PPG.

Indy has played four games against New England over those two seasons and its defense has surrendered an average of 27.2 PPG to New England. That's 5.7 PPG (26.5 percent) worse than its average against all teams over the same period.

 

The offense, meanwhile, has scored an average of 18.7 PPG in those four contests. That's 11.6 PPG (38.3 percent) worse than its average against all teams over the same period. Clearly, the Indy offense has performed far more poorly against New England than the defense.

 

If we look at just the past three games (in other words, if we subtract New England's 38-34 win at Indy in the 2003 regular season), things are getting even worse for the Indy offense and even better for the defense.

The Indy defense has surrendered 23.7 PPG against New England in those three most recent meetings (2.2 PPG, or 10.2 percent, worse than its average). The Indy offense has scored a measly 13.7 PPG (16.6 PPG, or 54.8 percent, worse than its average).

 

Again this year, the "pundits" are wrong. It's Indy's offense that needs to raise its game against New England, not its defense.

Symptom: "Part of Manning's frustration can be traced to New England's clock-munching, move-the-chains attack, which keeps the Indy offense on the sideline and unable to establish a rhythm." – Sports Illustrated, again in its online NFL preview.

 

Cold, Hard Football Facts antidote: Notice how even an embarrassing offensive performance by Indy is blamed on the defense? It's a textbook example of a "pundit" suffering from Spinal Manningitis.

 

This is an obvious reference to New England's 20-3 victory over Indy in last season's divisional playoffs. True, in that game, the New England offense cranked out three monster scoring drives of 16, 15 and 14 plays. But of its other seven drives, only one drive generated more than 26 yards, five resulted in a mere 2 yards or less and none lasted more than six plays.

 

Given those opportunities, a championship-caliber offense, like the one Indy allegedly possesses, would have responded with its own clock-eating drive or at least a couple of scores. Hey, even a few first downs would have helped. Of course, the Indy offense failed miserably. Here's a drive-by-drive breakdown of the Indy offense in last season's playoff loss to New England.

 

DRIVE 1: 3 plays, 8 yards, 2:09, punt

DRIVE 2: 3 plays, 7 yards, 0:58, punt

DRIVE 3: 7 plays, 42 yards, 2:39, punt

DRIVE 4: 3 plays, -12 yards, 1:18, punt

DRIVE 5: 8 plays, 38 yards, 4:47, fumble

DRIVE 6: 11 plays, 72 yards, 1:52, field goal

DRIVE 7: 5 plays, 20 yards, 3::31, punt

DRIVE 8: 5 plays, 15 yards,1:56, punt

DRIVE 9: 2 plays, 12 yards, 0:12, fumble

DRIVE 10: 12 plays, 70 yards, 2:55, interception

AVERAGE DRIVE: 5.9 plays, 27.2 yards, 2:21

 

Again, the "pundits" are wrong. The Indy offense has only itself to blame for its inability to "establish a rhythm."

 

Cold, Hard Football Facts antidote: Indy's defense hardly played well against playoff-caliber teams last year. But the play of the offense declined much more significantly than the play of the defense, at least if we use quality opponents as our measuring stick. (PFW did not define what it meant by "playoff-caliber opponents.")

 

The Colts offense averaged 32.6 PPG against all opponents last year, and 26.4 PPG against quality opponents. That's a decline of 6.2 PPG against quality opponents, or 19.0 percent.

 

The Colts defense surrendered 21.9 PPG against all opponents last year, and 25.1 PPG against quality opponents. That's a decline of 3.2 PPG against quality opponents, or 14.6 percent.

 

Again, the "pundits" are wrong. It's the offense that needs to step it up "against playoff-caliber opponents" for Indy "to make a championship charge."

 

Cold, Hard Football Facts antidote: Actually, what figures to be the difference for Indy is if the offense could piece together three consecutive semi-decent offensive performances. It would be a first for Indy in the Manning era.

 

During the eight playoff games in the Manning era, the Indy defense has surrendered the following point totals: 19, 23 (OT), 41, 10, 31, 24, 24 and 20. That's six decent games by the defense in which it's surrendered a very respectable 20.0 PPG. Indy went just 2-4 in those six games, simply because the offense consistently failed to hold up its end of the bargain. Only twice in these eight postseason games has Indy's defense failed to perform respectably.

 

In those same eight playoff games, the Indy offense has scored the following point totals: 16, 17 (OT), 0, 41, 38, 14, 49 and 3. That's three great performances, five subpar performances and three irreconcilable failures. In its five subpar performances, all losses, the Indy offense has averaged just 10.0 PPG – a startling, inexplicable failure for a team that has boasted one of the league's best regular-season offenses each season.

 

Not so coincidentally, Indy won the three games in which its offense lived up to its hype. It lost the five in which the offense failed to replicate its regular-season performances. By the way, of those three great performances, two came at home in the dome against Denver. The other came at Kansas City in 2003, a team that had one of the worst defenses in football.

 

Again, the "pundits" are wrong. Finding a way to score consistently, especially during the postseason, "figures to be the difference once again this year."

 

Symptom: "The offense is not the problem, despite the fact that it was held without a touchdown in the New England game. Rather, it was the overall play of the defense ... that needed a major upgrade." – Athlon Sports Pro Football Preview

 

Cold, Hard Football Facts antidote: If you haven't noticed the symptoms of Spinal Manningitis in the previous examples, this is the easiest to diagnose. In fact, the "pundit" who wrote this is suffering from the most severe case of Spinal Manningitis imaginable, one that has left his reputation nothing but an open, festering series of puss-filled wounds infested by maggots of stupidity.

 

Sure, he says Indy's offense just had its worst offensive output in two entire seasons against New England in the 2004 playoffs (its worst offensive performance since, of course, the aforementioned 41-0 playoff loss at home to the 9-7 Jets in 2002). But let's just ignore that fact and blame it on the defense. Hey, everyone else is blaming the Indy defense. It must be true.

 

But yet again, the "pundits" are wrong. It's the overall play of the offense in the postseason that needs "a major upgrade."

 

**

Our critics wonder why we spend so much time on the Peyton Manning/Indy offense issue. Well, we really haven't written as many stories on the topic as they think. These are just the stories they remember because they're so controversial and because they fly so boldly in the pockmarked face of conventional wisdom, as perpetuated by the "pundits."

 

But the need for us to do so – the need to speak the truth and attempt to cure the epidemic called Spinal Manningitis – is pretty obvious when you look at the constant, incessant wave of misinformation spread by "pundits" infected with this disease, those who are literally incapable of accepting or comprehending that the source of Indy's postseason woes is the offense, not the defense. The Cold, Hard Football Facts could not be more obvious.