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Cleveland: The Last American Virgin of NFL offenses
Cold, Hard Football Facts for November 17, 2009
Brady Quinn was back under center for the Browns Monday night, but the only thing it produced was another steaming stink pile for Eric Mangini and the Cleveland offense.
The Ravens blanked the Browns, 16-0, as Cleveland suffered its 14th loss in its last 15 games. The Browns have been shutout three times in that 1-14 stretch, while the offense has been held out of the end zone in a truly inexplicable 11 of 15 games.
The Browns last looked like a legit NFL offense back in Week 11 of the 2008 season, when they carved out a 29-27 win over Buffalo. (The fact that Cleveland's only two victories in the past 18 games have come against the Bills says quite a bit about the NFL's other mistake by the lake.)
It's safe to call the Browns of the past 15 games the worst offense in history. In fact, we just did.
Cleveland has scored just 109 points in 15 games (7.27 PPG). Its a stench made all the more remarkable by the fact that we live in the Golden Age of the passing game and in the golden age of offensive football.
Its never been easier to pass the ball or to put points on the board, but the Browns can do neither. They score about as often as hard-luck loser Gary in The Last American Virgin.
In fact, here's our tribute to Cleveland's offense, courtesy of the 1980s teen classic soundtrack and James Ingram ("just once, can't we figure out what we keep doing wrong" ... guess not, Cleveland):
The sad part is that the Cleveland offense has actually improved this year, since ending the 2008 season with six straight games in which it failed to punch the ball into the end zone.
Heres the entire touchdown-scoring summary for the Browns during its punchless 1-14 stretch.
Week 15 2008 30-10 loss to Philadelphia: Cornerback Brandon McDonald picked off back-up quarterback Kevin Kolb and returned the ball 24 yards for a score.
Week 1 2009 34-20 loss Minnesota: Josh Cribbs returned a punt 67 yards for a touchdown to give the Browns their first touchdown after ending 2008 with two straight shutouts. The offense finally got on the board in garbage time, when Brady Quinn threw a 26-yard touchdown pass to tight end Robert Royal.
Week 4 23-20 loss to Cincinnati: The Browns made a brief appearance as a semi-legit NFL offense when Derek Anderson flicked a 1-yard TD pass to tight end Steve Heiden in the second quarter and then punched in a 1-yard score himself to forge a 14-14 tie in the third quarter.
Week 6 27-14 loss to Pittsburgh: Special-teams superstar Cribbs returned a kick 98 yards for a touchdown. The Browns offense cranked up the scoring machine again when Anderson threw a 1-yard TD pass to fullback Lawrence Vickers.
Week 8 30-6 loss to Chicago: Anderson punched in another 1-yard score. The extra point, naturally, was blocked.
If you need a tidy summary of Cleveland's scoring capabilities over the past 15 games, here it is:
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Passing touchdowns 3
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Rushing touchdowns 2
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Special-teams touchdowns 2
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Defensive touchdowns 1
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Field goals 18
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Extra points 7
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Receiving touchdowns by receivers 0
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Running touchdowns by runners 0
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Offensive touchdowns of more than 1 yard long 1
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