We can assure that one very tasty animal was in fact harmed during the event.
Now, on to the most statistically significant wrap-up of NFL action found anywhere on Planet Pigskin ... mmm, pigskin.
Tennessee 34, Kansas City 10
Kerry Collins (no relation) started again for the Titans and threw for just 123 yards in the blow-out victory over the Herm Squad.
But the real story of the game was the Titans 1-2 punch at running back. Both LenDale White (149 yards) and rookie Chris Johnson (168 yards) rushed for more a 150 yards, as the Titans racked up 332 yards on the ground.
In fact, White and Johnson outgained the entire Kansas City offense alone, 317-272. Tennessee averaged 8.3 YPA and scored four rushing touchdowns, including three by White. Johnson's 82 yards on the ground at halftime were more than the 58 yards the Chiefs ran for in the entire game.
The Titans had pitched a shutout through three quarters, before the Chiefs scored 10 points in garbage time. Tennessee has surrendered 66 points through six games (11.0 PPG), which puts them on pace to challenge the Live Ball Era defensive record set by the 2000 Ravens (10.3 PPG).
They've held four of their six opponents to 10 points or less.
The lone bright spot for the Chiefs was tight end Tony Gonzalez who caught six passes for 97 yards his highest totals of the season. The 97 receiving yards were just two less than Gonzalez had over his previous three games combined.
But the sad news continues around Kansas City: Brodie Croyle, injured again Sunday and out for the season, is 0-8 as a starting QB in the NFL. It's hard to see him getting another shot as an NFL starter.
Tampa Bay 20, Seattle 10
To say Tampa Bay dominated the Seahawks might be the understatement of the season. Sure, the team that lords over two of our key team-wide indicators,
Relativity Index and
Quality Standings, won by just 10 points.
But the Bucs controlled every facet of the game against the former NFC power: time of possession (41:41-18:19), first downs (22-7) and total yards (402-179).
Even more amazing, Tampa Bay ran 75 plays compared to Seattle's 39 despite both teams having 11 possessions.
Jeff Garcia went a blistering 27 of 36 (75%) for 310 yards, 8.61 YPA, 1 TD, 0 INT and a 109.7 passer rating. Garcia found open receivers all night long, completing 9 of his 12 passes on third down en route to 10 of 18 third-down conversions.
Seattle QB Seneca Wallace threw for just 73 yards, with 40 of those coming in the final five minutes of the game. He became the third different starting quarterback for the Seahawks, who are now 1-5 in Mike Holmgren's final season as head coach.
St. Louis 34, Dallas 14
The Cowboys defense proved to be just what the doctor ordered for the sickly St. Louis offense.
The "pundits" in Dallas will focus all their attention on the health of Tony Romo's pinkie finger. But naturally, they're looking the wrong way, because the Cowboys have huge defensive problems right now.
The Cowboys surrendered 30 points or more for the second straight week (both losses) and allowed a 100-yard rusher for just the second time all-year. Steven Jackson ran wild, racking up 160 yards on 25 carries (6.4 YPA) while rushing for three touchdowns – an impressive feat when you consider Jackson had just one rushing touchdown all season prior to Sunday.
Rams quarterback Marc Bulger also benefitted from the magnanimous Dallas defense. He posted season highs in completion percentage (73.7%), yards per attempt (9.11) and passer rating (119.0).
The Rams also won the turnover battle 4-0 thanks in large part to Brad Johnson's three interceptions, the eighth time Johnson has thrown three or more picks in a game. Johnson completed just 17
St. Louis now has two wins in two games under new head coach Jim Haslett, this after having three wins in their previous 20 games under Scott Linehan.
Carolina 30, New Orleans 7
Nobody can figure out the Panthers.
After reaching the NFC title game in 2005, Carolina was a pre-season darling of the "pundits" in both 2006 and 2007 – but John Fox's club managed to win just 15 total games over those two seasons.
The "pundits" weren't as hot for the Panthers heading into the 2008 season. But, again, the Panthers are making the "pundits" look silly so far.
Carolina squashed the Saints on Sunday to improve to 5-2, as its defense held Drew Brees – who has on pace to break Dan Marino's single-season passing yardage record – to his second-lowest passing yardage output of the season (21-39, 231 yards, 0 TD, 1 INT, 60.95 passer rating).
Brees has now thrown for 2,224 yards in seven games this season, or slightly less than 318 yards per game. Brees is now on pace to tie Dan Marino's 5,084 passing yards/season record from 1984.
Offensively, Carolina rode a coldly efficient performance from Jake Delhomme (14-22, 195 yards, 2 TD, O INT, 122.3 rating) and the two-headed monster rushing attack of DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart (134 yards on 35 carries, combined) to top the 30-point barrier for just the second time in 2008.
The Saints, who are bringing up the rear in the NFC South, now face the mother of all road trips next week, jetting across the pond to meet San Diego in London.
Baltimore 27, Miami 13
Nobody can run the ball on the Ravens – not even the rare "Wildcat" Dolphin that resides in Miami.
Baltimore stopped Miami's college-style offense and held the 'Fins to 71 yards rushing. The Ravens have not allowed a team to gain 100 yards on the ground in six straight games, and they extended their streak of not allowing an individual 100-yard rusher to 25 straight, the longest current streak in the NFL.
Baltimore linebacker Terrell Suggs was a monster in this game, with 7 tackles, and a sack, and returned a rare Chad Pennington interception 44 yards for a touchdown.
We expect great defense from the Ravens. But this week the offense carried its fair share of the load.
Rookie QB Joe Flacco had arguably the best performance of his young career (17 for 23, 73.9%, 232 yards, 10.1 YPA, 1 TD, 0 INT, 120.1 rating) in the Miami heat, allowing nervous Ravens' fans to put the Kyle Boller comparisons on hold for at least one week.
Willis McGahee, another expensive acquisition on the offensive side of the ball who has thus far failed to live up to expectations in Edgar Allen Poe's adopted hometown, rushed for 105 yards on just 17 carries, and scored the game clinching TD in the fourth quarter.
The inconsistent Dolphins, after a fantastic two-week stretch that saw them defeat both 2007 AFC title game participants, New England and San Diego, dropped their second straight game to an opponent that was below .500 coming into the contest.
Buffalo 23, San Diego 14
Buffalo quarterback Trent Edwards earns our Rocky Balboa award for the week, returning to action two weeks after suffering a nasty concussion to shred the San Diego pass defense (25 of 30, 83.3%, 261 yards, 1 TD, 0 INT, 114 rating).
In the process, the Bills improved to 5-1 for the first time since 1995, when guys named Thomas, Kelly, Reed and Smith still suited up in Buffalo's home blue jerseys.
The Chargers, after playing probably their best game of the season against New England last Sunday night, submitted a true stinker in Western New York. They committed three turnovers, all by quarterback Philip Rivers (2 fumbles, 1 interception). San Diego generated a meager 263 yards of total offense, despite the fact that star Buffalo defensive end Aaron Schobel (foot injury) missed a game for the first time in his career after 117 consecutive starts.
Buffalo can grab a two-game lead in the AFC East should New England bow to Denver Monday night. San Diego, now 3-4, will be rooting for the Patriots on Monday, as a Broncos victory will give them a two-game lead over the Chargers in the AFC West.
That's not a good prospect for San Diego, which must cross eight time zones for their game against New Orleans this week in London.
Pittsburgh 38, Cincinnati 10
Ben Roethlisberger grew up in Ohio, and he has never lost a game there as a professional – remarkable considering that he plays there twice each year.
The Steelers QB won in Cincinnati for the sixth time in his five-year career, keeping the Bengals winless on the season.
Roethlisberger threw for 216 yards and two touchdowns, but most of the heavy lifting was handled by third-string running back Mewelde Moore, who ran for 120 yards and scored three TDs. Counting his five wins in Cleveland, Roethlisberger is now 11-0 in his home state. Of course, the biggest of those victories came in the 2005 playoffs, when a 31-17 defeat of the Bengals was the first step on the road to a Super Bowl championship. Cincinnati has a record of 0-7 for the sixth time in franchise history.
N.Y. Giants 29, San Francisco 17
Through the first six weeks of the season, the Giants had remarkably neither lost a fumble nor recovered one by an opponent.
In Sunday's victory over the 49ers, fumbles and near fumbles figured prominently. After San Francisco quarterback J.T. O'Sullivan botched a third-quarter handoff to Frank Gore, Mathias Kiwanuka pounced on the ball, setting up a touchdown that gave the Giants a 24-10 lead. Later in the period, it appeared that New York had lost its first fumble of the year when running back Ahmad Bradshaw coughed up the ball deep in San Francisco territory.
But Giants coach Tom Coughlin challenged the ruling, and it was overturned because Bradshaw had been down by contact. The game's final two points were scored when O'Sullivan again lost the ball deep in his own territory, prompting 49ers wideout Josh Morgan to kick it through the end zone for a safety.
That play was especially significant for gamblers, as it enabled the Giants to cover a 10½ -point spread.
Green Bay 34, Indianapolis 14
The off-season worries in Indy came to fruition as Peyton Manning produced one of the worst regular-season performances of his career.
He completed a mere 50 percent of his throws (21 of 42) and posted a passer rating of just 46.6. That's the lowest those numbers have been in the same game since Week 2 of the 2005 season. In that contest, Manning competed 46.4 percent of his passes and his passer rating was 44.0 – but the Colts still beat the Jaguars, 10-3, that day.
This week, the Colts were down 17-7 at halftime, and the QB killed any chances of a comeback with a pair of second-half interceptions, both of which were returned for touchdowns. On Indy's first possession of the second half, Manning was picked off by free safety Nick Collins, who raced 62 yards to the end zone. The deficit was 27-7 in the fourth quarter when strong safety Aaron Rouse tied a Green Bay team record by taking an INT 99 yards for a score. On the season, the Packers boast a league-best five interception returns for TDs.
Oakland 16, N.Y. Jets 13
Sebastian Janikowski booted the longest overtime field goal in NFL history, and the longest FG in franchise history (57 yards) to lift the Raiders to victory with just 2:30 left in the extra period.
Of course, Janikowski had set the team record for longest attempt earlier this season, trying a field goal from a ridiculous 76 yards away in Lane Kiffin's final game as head coach, a 28-18 loss to San Diego.
The win against the Jets was the first of the Tom Cable Era, which has thus far been marked by offensive futility. Oakland didn't score a touchdown in his first six quarters at the helm, mustering just two field goals. The Raiders finally found the end zone on their initial possession of the second half, and that touchdown was also wideout Javon Walker's first one as a member of the Raiders.
Chicago 48, Minnesota 41
Further evidence that 2008 is the most unpredictable year in NFL history: the Bears and Vikings came into the league with two relativity stingy scoring offenses and uninspiring offenses.
Yet they exploded for 89 points in one of the highest scoring games in NFL history (the record, 113, was set in a 72-41 victory by the Giants over the Redskins in 1966).
Minnesota scored all five of their touchdowns the old-fashioned way – on offense.
Chicago was much more creative with six touchdowns by six different players, including two on special teams and a offensive fumble recovery in the end zone.
Adrian Peterson continued his trend of shredding the Bears, with 121 yards and two touchdowns on 22 carries. In three career games against Chicago, Peterson has carried 62 times for 423 yards (an awesome 6.8 YPA) and 7 TD's.
For the Bears, Kyle Orton completed more than 60 percent of his passes without throwing an INT for the third straight week – 21 of 32 (65.6%) for 283 yards, 8.84 YPA, 2 TD, 0 INT and a 114.5 passer rating.
The Black & Blow division is still anybody's race – well, anybody's but Detroit's.
Chicago (4-3) is tied with Green Bay atop the NFC North, with Minnesota (3-4) just one game behind.
Houston 28, Detroit 21
The Lions are officially dead to us.
All we can say is this: if you want to win your death pool this year, just pick whoever plays the Lions.
Washington 14, Cleveland 11
Perhaps the most remarkable stat to emerge from Week 7 of the 2008 season was that the Redskins were shutout in the first half – for the first time since early in the 1981 season (at least according to NFL.com).
The other remarkable Redskins stat? Jason Campbell is the only starting QB who's yet to throw an INT this year.
The care with the ball might be the most important reason why the 5-2 Redskins are the most surprising team in the NFL this year ... only the defending champ Giants, at 5-1, have a better record in the NFC.