Articles tagged "Jerry Thornton"

Slack Lines, Week 17: Things Fall Into Place or Pieces

Cold, Hard Football Facts for December 26, 2013

The Slack Lines crew ends the year dividing successful gamblers from the degenerates (spoiler: there's no difference). Beau brainwashes his children, Nick reveals his Elf fetish, Jerry trademarks his shitty picks, Luke puts on red PJs and ruins Christmas and Matt admits his latent Romosexuality.

Slack Lines, Week 15: Embracing the Madness

Cold, Hard Football Facts for December 12, 2013

After one of the snowiest, highest-scoring weeks in years, we try and make sense of it all... and somehow end up taking Baltimore on the road.

Slack Lines, Week 14: Luke-warm Heading Into Crunch Time

Cold, Hard Football Facts for December 5, 2013

The Slack Lines battle heats up and the crew is officially Luke-warm, in honor of tepid "leader" Luke O'Neil. Meanwhile, Beau rejoins the Philly bandwagon, Matt bashes Cincinnati as a vacation destination and we wonder: if Luke won a paste-eating competition, does that make him a winner?

Slack Lines, Week 9: The Day After Soxpocalypse

Cold, Hard Football Facts for October 31, 2013

After the Sox big win, our Bostonians whisper about Case Keenum, squint to read their notes about the Packers, and generally try and keep it together.

Reporters Say NFL Rewrote Rulebook After Patriots-Jets Controversy

Cold, Hard Football Facts for October 20, 2013

A controversial call against New England's special teams Sunday handed the Jets new life in overtime, which they quickly converted into a game-winning field goal. Now reporters are alleging that the NFL literally changed the rule book to cover its ass after the incorrect ruling on the field.

Slack Lines, Week 4: Breaking Bad to Worse

Cold, Hard Football Facts for September 26, 2013

Matt savored the nectar of a "sweet, sweet push" last week and is now 0-11-1 ATS this year. Meanwhile, Jerry tries to save his relationship with Chip Kelly; Nick bashes "history's greatest TV show"; Luke likes Denver -100.5; and J vows to kill anyone who takes the Dolphins.

Slack Lines, Week 3: Circle the Bandwagons

Cold, Hard Football Facts for September 19, 2013

The degenerate Slack Lines gambling team can't make heads nor tails of the 2013 season. But they'll take Heads -105. Matt copes with 0-8 ATS; Jerry sucks up to the NY state police; Beau tunes in to Tampa sports radio; Luke admits a Jay Cutler man-crush; and Nick plays the Lisfranc tear tuba.

Slack Lines, Week 1: Our All-Star Comedy Panel Of NFL Picks

Cold, Hard Football Facts for September 5, 2013

Introducing the NFL picks column with an all-star panel of comedic talent who help put the fun in painful, financially crippling gambling losses.


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