The immortal Swayze has cancer

Word trickled out of La-La Land last week that no less a singular force in pop culture than Swayze, best known among the CHFF set for his roll as the bouncer Dalton in Road House, has cancer.

 

Somehow, Swayze become a recurring character in the Cold, Hard Football Facts chronicles over the years, mostly propelled by the curious fascination our own Frankie C. has with his seemingly immortal hero. In fact, the magnificent icon has been reduced only to a single name. Swayze.

 

"Remember when they tried to put Baby in a corner, and Swayze came to the rescue?" blubbered Frankie C. upon hearing the news. "That was awesome."

 

Added Frankie C.: "Nobody puts Baby in a corner!"

 

Here's a look at the impact Swayze has had on the revolutionary football analysis of the Cold, Hard Football Facts.

 

Swayze character Dalton, bouncer at the legendary Double Deuce, serves as the inspiration of our Super Bowl bloodbath of data. (Frankie C. was going to run tours of the honky-tonk he affectionately calls D-squared until he discovered Road House was a fictional movie, not a documentary of Swayze's life.)

 

Even Frankie C. began to realize this "obsession with all things Swayze is probably beginning to disturb even our most ardent supporter."

 

Swayze gets long overdue recognition for his incredible mullet, "one part feathery pompadour, one part ass-kicking Road House warrior."

 

While the average CHFF reader has trouble executing the Twist, the Macarena and the YMCA, Swayze represents "the final word on male dance."