Sissified NFL kowtows to prohibitionists

Cold, Hard Football Facts for May 30, 2007



The No Fun League has apparently forgotten its roots – while tossing common sense out the window. King Roger Goodell, commissioner of a league that's been built by brewery advertising dollars and decent, hardworking, booze-loving fans, announced today that the NFL is banning alcohol at all team functions.  
 
"Effective immediately, clubs are prohibited from providing alcoholic beverages, including beer, in any club setting, including in locker rooms, practice or office facilities, or while traveling, including on team buses or flights," reads the NFL statement, according to a new Associated Press wire report.
 
The Cold, Hard Football Facts applauded the new commissioner for his strict one-year suspension of perennial pigskin bad boy Adam "Pacman" Jones. The Titans player broke numerous rules, not to mention dictums of good taste, and deserved to be punished.
 
But banning alcohol reeks of ridiculousity (yes, in our huff and haste, we just made up a word). Just ask high school principals and college presidents how the ban on booze is working for them.
 
Does this mean no mimosas in the owner's boxes around the league? We're not sure yet. But we'll put a call into the NFL and try to find out.  And let's just hope the league doesn't take the inevitable next step the next time some stupid ass of a fan gets into trouble after a game. That's right: they may try to ban beer in all NFL arenas.
 
You don't think so? Well, it makes as much sense as the ban on booze at team functions and simply punishes the many innocent for the transgressions of the few.
 
Of course, there will be hell to pay when that day comes. As our mommas taught us before football & beer camp back in high school: you can have our beer when you pry it form our cold, dead fingers.
 
The NFL should stick to something it does well – punishing the serial thugs and guys who groom dogs for steel-cage death matches ... not punishing the folks who just want to sip on a healthy beer or two at a function.

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