Pigskin Detention: The Chronicles of Tebow

Cold, Hard Football Facts for Dec 13, 2011



By Patrick Imig
Cold Hard Football Facts' publisher of the Tebow newsletter


God is great. Good is good. God favors Tebow because Tebow is good!

Tim Tebow's pastor says God favors Tebow. Naturally this is making people want to fight each other with bare knuckles. It isn't luck, says Pastor Wayne Hanson"Luck isn’t winning six games in a row. It’s favor. God’s favor.”

This week God favors the Broncos by 7 points. Kidding. God doesn't gamble. He doesn't need to.

While God is favoring Tebow, God is also working with one of Major League Baseball's biggest stars, Albert Pujols. Pujols' wife Deidre says God is glad Albert is an Angel. She says a lot of other things too, but there shouldn't be a place for wifespeak in sports unless the competitors are, you know, women. And there shouldn't be a place for baseball talk in a football column. 

Down. Set. Hut. Hut. Hike. 
 

A READING FROM THE BOOK OF TEBOW

Brothers and sisters, ask not what your line judge can do for you, ask what you can do for your line judge. For LJ 29 shall remember it as the Tebow extends for the 1st down. Heed the advice of pregame film study. And always be humble in the face of pundits who cast the first stone. For ye shall make them more angry and more confused by deflecting those stones. Those pundit sycophants who laughed and scoffed after the Lions game know not what they do. 
 

POWER RANKINGS: FICTIONAL FATHERS

3. Fr. Merrin from The Exorcist - He took one for the team. Gotta respect that. 

2. Friar Tuck - Looking back, Robin Hood would have been cooler if he was played by Kurt Russel instead of Kevin Costner.

1. Father Dowling - His partner in solving crime was Sister Steve, a nun from the streets of Chicago who could hotwire cars and handle firearms with ease. This is according to Wikipedia. 

 

REQUIREMENTS TO FILL DOLPHINS HEAD COACHING VACANCY
Dolphins owner Stephen Ross said he's looking for the "next Don Shula" to fill the vacany in Miami. Specifically, he's looking for the following according to an anonymoussource who reportedly jotted down the following: 
 

THINGS STEVE SPAGNUOLO MUMBLED THROUGH HIS HEADSET DURING MNF

"I'm glad I don't coach in Kansas City."

"Glad I don't coach in Miami."

"Jacksonville too."

"We only lost to Green Bay 24-3! If we score one touchdown, we're in the game. "

"We got an interception from Aaron Rodgers too!"

"We beat the Saints in Week 8. Don't forget that!"

"Hey, Josh McDaniels drafted Tebow. Don't forget that! And I hired Josh as offensive coordinator."

"I wonder how Jaws and Gruden made this performance sound good."

Tweet @patrickimig.

From our partners




Must See Videos
NFL Draft Changing Cities, Moving Out Of New York City | FootballNation.com
2014 NFL Draft: No Dunking In Football
2014 NFL Combine Winners

Team Pages
AFC East NFC
South
North
West

Connect With Us
Sign up for our newsletter to recieve all the latest news and updates...
Privacy guaranteed. We'll never share your info.




The Football Nation Network

© Copyright 2014 Football Nation LLC. Privacy Policy & Terms of Use
Some images property of Getty Images or Icon/SMI