Pigskin Detention: Mike Smith's Tecmo Falcons

Cold, Hard Football Facts for Jan 09, 2012



By Patrick Imig
Cold Hard Football Facts' Dean of Phil-osophical Discipline


DEAR JAMES HARRISON,

Stop tackling people. Any hits above the sternum will result in a 15 yard penalty or fine equal to or greater than $5,000. Any hit below the middle region will result in blown acl's, lcl's, mcl's and pcl's - not to mention the possibility of ankle rupture. The hits below the middle region will generally be ignored by officials as it happens throughout the course of the game. However, the league has and will take note. That's why we are instituting the James Harrison Fine Funnel for ligament damage and injuries.

For each torn ligament, you will be docked $7,500. We reserve the right to increase the funnel pay scale at our discretion if and when you destroy three ligaments on a single player in a single blow. Should that happen, what would normally compute to a fine of $22,500 will increase to $25,000. In the catastrophic event that you destroy an opponent's acl, lcl, mcl and pcl, you will be fined $100,000. You will also donate 100 hours of community service to the NFL Ligament Foundation, which we created and formalized seven minutes ago. See the attached graphic below for a more concise breakdown this new funnel of league funds.


Please perform your due dilligence in the future and abstain from injuring people. Your wallet will thank you.

-- The League 

HERE'S A PAGE FROM THE ATLANTA FALCONS PLAYBOOK

Inspired by the original Tecmo Bowl on the 8-bit Nintendo Entertainment System. Smith needs to get with the times and realize we live in a 64 bit, 3D society. 


\EVEN PHIL SIMMS DOESN'T LISTEN TO PHIL SIMMS

During last week's Inside the NFL on Showtime, the crew discussed the importance of backup quarterbacks with the emergence of TJ Yates of the Houston Texans. This led to a good thought from Simms, captain of Phil-osophy. Said Simms:  

“You talk about backup quarterbacks, it just shows you Houston runs a system and it can train all of its quarterbacks to run one system, where some of these other teams we talked about – Chicago, Indianapolis – their quarterback goes down. No chance. And you've got to give (Houston) a lot of credit.”

Indeed. You also have to think teams like the Bears and Colts are going to make proper adjustments to have a capable and talented backup quarterback in place in 2012 and beyond.

Let's fast forward five minutes in real time on the same episode of Inside the NFL. The discussion of Andrew Luck, Peyton Manning and the Colts is at hand. Phil Simms said: 

“I just can't see Peyton Manning and Andrew Luck being there (in Indianapolis). It's counterproductive. In this day and age, (to say) oh, 'We're gonna keep him for a year' and then we're gonna bring the other guy, you know, coaches don't do that. You're talking about the first pick in the draft.” 

Just to be clear, Phil Simms credits the Houston Texans for their backup quarterback system and thinks the Bears and Colts hurt themselves for not properly addressing and assessing their backup quarterback situation before 2011. One possible remedy for the Colts comes from the opportunity to draft and sign the most coveted quarterback available in the 2012 rookie class. Drafting Luck would ensure that a) the Colts had a starting quarterback in 2012 who was healthy and capable (all things being equal) and b) the team would have more quarterback depth assuming Peyton Manning was healthy enough to play. And yet, Phil Simms doesn't think it's a good idea. 

And what about Aaron Rodgers riding the bench while Brett Favre played? Said Simms: 

"Aaron Rodgers wasn't Andrew Luck. Andrew Luck is the first pick. Brett Favre was healthy (in Green Bay). This is a completely different scenario.”

Different scenario? Yes. Different remedy? No one truly knows. But if you believe the Colts need to groom backup quarterbacks for insurance purposes (as Simms stated five minutes earlier) why wouldn't you want to have both guys ready to play? You don't even have to fork over the insane amounts of money that the Rams shelled out for Sam Bradford in 2010. The day of insane rookie contracts is no longer.  

We don't blame Phil Simms for not wanting to listen to Phil Simms. We just wonder if Phil Simms even knows what Phil Simms said. This is the same man who said the Steelers were "8 to 10 yards" away from Shaun Suisham's field goal range when the team was on its own 40 yard line. Yes, this was in Denver, but 67-69 yard field goals don't exactly amount to "field goal range" regardless of air density.

According to Football Nation, - and Pigskin Detention - Phil Simms isn't our favorite pundit. This is another example why.

FOOTBALL COMMODITY RANKINGS

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