Pigskin Detention: Gospel according to Rev. Bruschi

Cold, Hard Football Facts for Nov 01, 2010



By Pat Imig
Cold, Hard Football Facts preacher of pigskin
 
When the Vikings announced the release of Randy Moss Monday – in an event that actually occurred Tuesday – ESPN analyst Tedy Bruschi took advantage of the situation to preach from his pigskin pulpit.
 
It was awesome. 
 
Here's Bruschi first recitation from the Gospel According to Tedy:
 
"(Randy Moss) spent three plus years with Coach Belichick and then he spent three plus weeks with Brad Childress. He sees the difference. He saw the difference between the Belichick and the Patriot way of doing things and then he saw the Vikings-Childress way of doing things. That's what he did not like."
 
Regardless of Moss's designation as a Shiny Hood Ornament, Rev. Bruschi preaches the strength of the receiver's place in history:
 
"This is one of the best receivers ever to play football. You don't just release him on a whim like this after some post-game press conference and one bad performance."
 
Like every good preacher, Rev. Bruschi hammered home a moral. The moral to this story? Brad Childress is incompetent.
 
"If Brad Childress is using this as a statement to make to his team about the right way of doing things, I think he lost his opportunity. That opportunity was last week when BrettFavre made the whole week about himself, when (Childress) should have benched Brett Favre and played Tarvaris Jackson. This is the wrong way to do it."
 
Bruschi's sermon was so awesome and inspiring that his ESPN colleague and Pigskin Detention whipping boy Trent Dilfer miraculously transformed into a clear-thinking individual:
 
"It's the head coach's job to manage people, manage personalities, get a team to come together ... good coaches make it all work."
 
As a final blessing, Rev. Bruschi planted one last seed for his viewers:
 
"You don't just give up third-round picks for nothing ... this is just an example of how inept Brad Childress is as a head coach and the Minnesota Vikings organization."
 
And the football fans rejoice with an "Amen."
 
So let's recap the events. Brad Childress tells his players Moss will be waived but the team doesn't waive him officially until Tuesday and team owner Zygi Wilf disapproves of the transaction, according to Chris Mortensen. All this because Childress wants to show everyone he's the boss.
 
Brad: people stopped taking you serious when you traveled to Mississippi in 2009 to bring Old Yeller to the Twin Cities. And considering you still resemble Gerald McRaney from Major Dad, you're street credibility rating is in the toilet.
 
PERCY HARVIN WILL MISS RANDY MOSS
In three games before the arrival of Moss, Percy Harvin caught 12 passes for 106 yards and 0 TD. That's an average of four catches, 35.3 YPG and 8.3 YPC.
 
In four games with Moss, Percy Harvin caught 19 passes for 287 yards and 2 TD. That's an average of five catches, 72 YPG and  15.1 YPC.
 
Harvin also had 5 rushes for 59 yards and one touchdown with Moss compared to 2 rushes, 15 yards and zero TD without him. The Vikings team as a whole averaged 14.6 PPG without Randy Moss compared to 21.5 PPG with him.
 
Well done Brad Childress. Idiot.
 
HARVIN CAN COMMISERATE WITH WES WELKER
The Randy Moss impact is being felt in New England, too, namely by pint-sized underneath slot whiz Wes Welker.
 
In four games with Moss, Welker caught 26 passes for 217 yards and 3 TD. That's and average of 6.5 catches, 54 YPG and 8.3 YPC.
 
In three games without Moss, Welker has caught 14 passes for 102 yards and 0 TD. That's an average of 4.7 catches, 34 YPG and 7.3 YPC.
 
THE CHFF OMBUDSMAN
Re: Brad Childress a Great Head Coach
 
From: CHFF's own Mark "the King" Wald's September 15 column, Does a great future coach fly under the radar?. Here's what The King had to say:
 
"Based on Vermeil, Noll, and Levy, Minnesota's lack of championship appearances under Childress up to this point does nothing to dim his potential. He's 54. Not a kid by coaching standards. But still plenty of years left in the tank.
 
"Only time will tell if Childress joins Ryan and McKay as the anomalies on this list, or if his track record proves a portent of future greatness, as it did for Vermiel, Noll and Levy."

While "the King's" commentary abstained from anointing Childress as a great head coach and hinged on a question,  let it be known that no future column shall ponder if Brad Childress is a great coach. He's not.
 
He's the leader of one colossal waste of talent team.
 
BREAKING NEWS
Here are the headlines you might have missed this week.
 
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Senile Al Davis tells Jason Campbell he's doing a great job as Kenny Stabler
 
Exciting Pete Carroll generates exciting 3 points in exciting loss to Oakland
 
Changed Roethlisberger asks fat men to show him their hooters in New Orleans
 
T. Ocho schow scores higher ratings than World Series

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