Monday Morning Waterboy: barroom talk gone bad

Cold, Hard Football Facts for Jul 31, 2011



By Luis DeLoureiro
Cold, Hard Football Facts Non-Possessor of Social Grace
 
Today, we are going to introduce a unique fantasy league we will be tracking in each week's Monday Morning Waterboy.

But, before we get to that, we want to tell a quick story about the curse that comes along with our exceptional knowledge of all things relating to the gridiron.
 
The Monday Morning Waterboy was in the middle of his daily lunchtime tradition last Friday: a double-order of Buffalo wings washed down by four martinis. He was surrounded by his friends – which is to say he was sitting alone at the end of the bar.
 
There was a Dolphins fan at the bar who, it turns out, was a fan of the Cold, Hard Football Facts. So when he learned he was in the presence of football greatness, we got to talking about the state of his beloved 'Fins.
 
He said he was content to settle for yet another journeyman quarterback this season – indicating that the money would be better spent shoring up other positions.
 
The reaction of the Waterboyd? Utter shock ... and a certain frustrated dismay that his Miami fan was settling for mediocrity and, even worse, had failed to heed the lessons we've put on display season after season: you simply will not go far by settling for second-rate at the QB position.
 
But it seems Miami fans are simply following the lead of Miami management. They don't seem to get it, either.
 
It's no secret that very little good can come from a barroom sports debate – especially when the impetus of said debate is an acceptance of the Dolphins' recent decisions at the QB position. But, despite thousands spent on therapy, our correspondent could not keep his silence.

"Are you kidding?!?!? Do you know that the Dolphins haven't taken a QB in the first round since Marino in 1983 – only the Chiefs have gone longer. Fifteen players - Jay Fiedler, Chad Henne, Chad Pennington, Gus Frerotte, Joey Harrington, A.J. Feeley, Cleo Lemon, Ray Lucas, Trent Green, Brian Griese, John Beck, Daunte Culpepper, Sage Rosenfels, Damon Huard and Tyler Thigpen - have started at QB for the Dolphins since Marino retired."

He stopped for a quick breath and continued ...

"The Dolphins have used second-round picks on quarterbacks in four consecutive drafts. They selected John Beck in 2007, Henne in 2008 and Pat White in 2009. They also traded their 2006 second-round pick to the Vikings to obtain Daunte Culpepper. Only Henne is still with the team. During this time, they have passed on Matt Ryan, Joe Flacco and Aaron Rodgers, among others."
 
"And you are OK with this?!?!?"
 
The room had gone silent – most of the patrons assuming they were witnessing an actual nervous breakdown.
 
The Dolphins fan had the unmistakable look of horror in his eyes.
 
And so goes another chapter of a member of the CHFF crew attempting to blend in with the rest of society. We take pride in our high collective NFL IQ. However, when combined with a complete lack of any recognizable life skills, it can be a handicap.

College Conference Based Fantasy Leagues
As mentioned, in the next couple of weeks, we will create a fantasy league with a bit of a twist. Each team can only contain players who attended a school from a pre-assigned conference.

The format has not been finalized, but it we will likely have one team for each of the BCS conferences – ACC, Big East, SEC, Big Ten, PAC-12 and Big 12 - and an "All Other" team.

The teams will each likely be managed by a member of CHFF, and they will face off each week in a typical head-to-head format.

The actual teams and rules will be introduced in a future column. There are still some questions we need to work through:
 
• The aforementioned format would give us an odd number of teams. How do we adjust so that we have an even number? The easiest answer appears to be to split the "All Other" category into two teams. Probably one team with schools east of the Mississippi and one with schools west of the Mississippi (or, possibly one team with non-BCS schools on the east coast and another with all non-east coast non-BCS schools......clear as mud, right?)
 
• Should we split the SEC, Big Ten and/or PAC-12 into their respective divisions – creating a 10-team league?
 
• What do we do about the Big East? It's a question that needs to be answered because, once Christian Ponder takes over for Donovan McNabb in Minnesota, the Big East won't have any starting quarterbacks in the NFL ... zero. Should we give Boston College back to the Big East? Virginia Tech and Miami? Ahould we combine the Big East with one of the "All Other" teams?  Should we give TCU – who will be joining the conference in 2012 – to the Big East now?  (That would get them only Bengals rookie Andy Dalton at QB.

The teams haven't been selected yet, but consider some of the likely scenarios:
 
• The ACC may feature two of the top four or five fantasy receivers in Andre Johnson (Miami) and Calvin Johnson (Georgia Tech).
 
• The ACC team will be choosing between Michael Vick, Philip Rivers, Matt Schaub and Matt Ryan at quarterback (with Christian Ponder and Matt Hasselbeck waiting in the wings).
 
• The ACC's strength at QB and WR will be offset by a weak running back situation. Frank Gore is the only RB in Yahoo's current top 30 who attended an ACC school.
 
• If we use Yahoo rankings, Steve Smith may be both the number two and three receiver for the PAC-12.  Carolina's version went to Utah and New York's went to USC.
 
• The "All Other" team (if it remains as one team) would have Tony Romo, Ben Roethlisberger and/or Joe Flacco at quarterback.
 
• Peyton Manning will likely be backed up by his brother in the SEC.

So, there are a couple of details to work out, but it should be a fun, season-long league that entertains the geekiest of our readers.

If you have any questions, comments or death threats for the Monday Morning Waterboy, please feel free to contact him on Twitter at @deloureiro or email him at ldeloureiro@gmail.com.

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