Michael Irvin, Ray Lewis and Chris Berman Enter Pigskin Detention

Cold, Hard Football Facts for Sep 11, 2013



By Patrick Imig (@patrickimig)
Cold Hard Football Facts Pigskin Principal

Welcome to Pigskin Detention where we talk about football and the people who cover football.

Late last week, the one and only Michael Irvin stated Dez Bryant will win the 2013 MVP.

"Watching Dez Bryant now and the way he's understanding the game, that's why I'm expecting to hear these words at the conclusion of the season: MVP 2013 of the league will be Dez Bryant."

In the glorious history of the NFL, no wide receiver has captured the MVP award. Of the last 13 MVP's, 10 have been quarterbacks, three have been running backs. 

"Trust me. I'm telling you, man you gotta see this dude now, this dude understands football. I gotta say it, I never thought he had the capability of understanding the game the way he understands the game. If he can stay healthy, he'll be off the charts. I'm telling you, man, this dude sees things now."

WHAT THINGS DOES DEZ SEE?

a) dead people (like Haley Joel Osment's character in The Sixth Sense)
b) Jason Garrett as a tomato (has Garrett been hitting the Shanahan tanner?)
c) Jerry Jones' face (construed in rival circles as "dead people")

Dez sees four receptions for 22 yards and a foot sprain when looking at his Week 1 boxscore - a season-opening win for the Cowboys against the Giants.

Not exactly the MVP performance Irvin or Cowboys' fans were hoping for. I can't speak for Irvin, but I think it's fair to say he doesn't look highly upon the Shiny Hood Ornament Man Law, either.

CHRIS BERMAN DOES MNF; THE PEOPLE REVOLT
In the tradition disliked unlike any other, Chris Berman excercised his play-by-play jollies by calling game two of the ESPN Monday Night Football in San Diego. This was discussed last year so I'll spare you any more of my thoughts on the matter. 

Instead, check out real Tweets from real people, courtesy of Awful Announcing

The people have spoken.


CHECK OUT MY COPY OF THE JOHNNY MANZIEL TIME MAGAZINE





As compensation, I had a pizza to delivered to him. Don't want to leave any money paper-trails.

Based off the cover, I want to know what Putin thinks of Johnny Football.


NFL ENTERING GOLDEN AGE OF BLACK QUARTERBACKS ACCORDING TO ...

The founder of The Big Lead at USA Today Sports, Jason McIntyre, says the NFL is entering the Golden Age of Black Quarterbacks.

The non-racial, bigger-picture reality is that the NFL is living in the Golden Age of Young Quarterbacks. Twenty starting quarterbacks in Week 1 were under the age of 30.

Some of them were black. Some of them were white. Some of them have red hair. Some of them play for the Jaguars. 

All of them, however, along with the veterans over 30 and some cushy, favorable rules, are producing a Golden Age of Inflated Passing Numbers. That's not a bad thing, either.

 


POTENTIALLY BREAKING NEWS

Chip Kelly invents exciting new way to eat cheesesteaks; gets beaten by locals

Norv Turner on hot seat following Chargers' MNF collapse

Giants construct specially-made seat for Brandon Jacobs on team bench

Poll: Sports Fans view NFL Safety calls more exciting than MLB balks by 2-to-1 margin

Report: Ndamunkong Suh may attack Syria | Says he'd "stomp that f-ing dictator" 

Source: Mrs. Breese's yoga pants smell like fresh roses

Patriots now accepting applications for wide receivers

 

*Pigskin Detention is written by Patrick Imig. He did not deliver a pizza to Johnny Manziel nor did he obtain an autographed copy of TIME Magazine. Tweet him @patrickimig.


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