Look out! John Mackey's back in town

Cold, Hard Football Facts for Oct 04, 2008



Sure, Chris Berman's act is more tired than a Troll after a hard day of drinking and a handful of Valium.
 
But, let's give credit where credit's due: "Boomer" is a giant of modern sports broadcasting, one of the original faces of ESPN and one of the most recognizable figures in sports today.
 
The dude's done it all and deserves a little respect – even as we tool on his BrettFavre mancrush.
 
So a few weeks ago, in what passes for a tribute in the world of the Cold, Hard Football Facts, we wondered how we might remember some of the greats of pro football past if Berman's act was around in the 1960s.
 
We asked the Trolls to come up with a few Berman-esque nicknames and they responded in force.
 
Here are some of the best – with plenty of nicknames that play off the old Berman habit of working in song lyrics.
(But leave it to a CHFF Troll to find a way to connect former Falcons great Tommy Nobis with Ethel Merman.)
 
The lyrical nicknames are listed togehter at the bottom. There are also a handful in here from eras other than the 1960s, but thought they were worth including.
 
Got any good Boomer-isms from the past? Send them along here. (Bonus kudos for anyone who comes up with a great nickname for HOFer Y.A. Tittle.)
 
***
 
George "Sauer" Kraut (best enjoyed by Jets fans with New Jersey ripper hot dogs)
 
Lance "You're in Good Hands with" Alworth
 
"Girl Scout" Cookie Gilchrist
 
Otis "My Man" Taylor (O.K., that one's been used by Berman before for Otis Smith)
 
John Roach "Clip" (a little edgy for ESPN)
 
Willie "Morning" Wood (even edgier)
 
Forrest "Gump" Gregg
 
Roger Wherli "to Bed Wherli to rise" (that's good stuff)
 
Jerry "Po Fri" Rice (best served with that other Chinese food classic, Ray "Cream of Sum Yun" Guy)
 
Lyle "You Say Alzahdo I Say" Alzado
 
John Hannah "and Her Sisters"
 
Ken Houston "We Have a Problem"

Jerry "Get me Rex" Kramer

Sam "When You" Wyche "Upon a Star" (would have been perfect if the Bengals won Super Bowl XXIII and Boomer Esiason went to Disney World)
 
Tunch "You Be" Ilkin
 
Steve "How Does Your Garden" Grogan

Sam Hunt "for Red October"
 
Johnny Unitas "We Stand"

Lawrence "Of a-Fibula" Taylor (not the 1960s, but good hooch just the same)
 
MUSICAL BERMAN-isms:
Injecting musical lyrics is a classic Berman tactic. And the greats of the past would have been a Berman gold mine.
 
Tommy Nobis "Like Showbiz" (must be done in Ethel Merman's voice)
 
show video here
 
 
Willie "Norwegian" Wood (right in Berman's sweet spot)
 
Bob "Pictures of" Lilly
 
John Mackey "'s Back in Town" (and when he scores a second TD, Berman could end with a rousing, "Look Out Old Mackey's Back!")
 
Paul "Me So" Hornung (A bit of an anachronism, as "Me So Horny" was popularized in the 1980s ... but give the Trolls a little poetic license here)
 
Marion "I Like Big" Butts (yeah, we know, Sir-Mix-A-Lot and Butts were both, ahem, big in the 1990s)
 
Jethro "Tull" Pugh (best paired with images from NFL Films of snot running down his nose)
 
Bobby "Life in the Fast" Layne (OK, Layne played in the 50s and the Eagles sang in the 70s ... but you get the picture)
 
Lew "If I Were a" Carpenter (It would have been perfect if he were teammates with Pete "And You Were a" Ladygo)
 
John "Henry Beat the Steam Engine" Johnson
 
Ted "'Scuse Me While I Kiss the Sky" Hendricks

Don "Don't Step on My Blue Suede Shoes" Perkins

MacArthur "I'll Never Lose that Recipe Again" Lane (bonus points for referencing perhaps the worst song of the 1970s)
 
Bob Hayes "-y Shade of Winter"
 
Max "Me and Bobby" McGhee
 
Kellen "Standing on a Corner in" Winslow "Arizona"

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