Humanity hits rock bottom

Cold, Hard Football Facts for Apr 20, 2007



It's always comforting to know that there are bigger losers out there than you.
 
O.K., maybe not you, the average CHFF reader, nursing a PBR tall boy for breakfast at the crack of noon as you pore over the latest copy of "Big 'Uns" and prepare for a busy day of collecting empties ... we're talking about the royal you.
 
The Chief Troll made a little posting the other day on the CHFF Football Forum, predicting that sooner or later some shut-in lower than pigskin plankton on the football food chain would create a Fantasy Football Mock Draft. Surely, he thought, in one of his rare moments of sober lucidity, no human could stoop so low as to build a make-believe draft around an imaginary football team in a play-pretend league.
 
We were wrong, as CHFF regular Warhawk was quick to to point out.
 
It's disturbing enough that so many people devote so much time to the exercise in futility that is the mock real draft. On top of this, it's completely mind-numbing that an entire American sub-culture numbering in the tens of millions has grown around the concept of fantasy football – that's right, millions of Americans live and die with imaginary fake football and make-believe pretend pigskin.
 
You're probably one of them.
 
But surely, the Chief Troll thought, no human could be so low, no person's life could be so devoid of meaning, that they'd create a Fantasy Football Mock Draft.
 
Silly us.
 
As is so often the case, when you think Pigskin America has already hit rock bottom, y'all dig a little deeper ... quarrying more gridiron granite out of the gaping hole of lifelessness that is your existence.
 
Take, for example, loyal forum poster Kid Kod, who espouses the benefits of "front office of football" - an "upgrade" over fantasy football, but only for real "football geeks." His league is shamefully simulating the 2012 season at this very moment. Not to be out-losered, football fan and loyal subject of Her Royal Majesty, Ant is pre-living the 2013 season with the Miami Dolphins.
 
 
You know, in a perverse way, we're kinda proud of all these people.
 
Of course, this comes from the guys who had a make-believe monkey conduct his own mock draft.

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