Good Grief! ESPN's swaddling clothes of hype

Cold, Hard Football Facts for Dec 20, 2010



OMG!!!! BRETTFAVRE IN THE SNOW!!!
 
... a short Christmas play from ESPN Monday Night Countdown, which critics labeled "predictable" ...
 
By Pat Imig
Cold, Hard Football Facts Gospel According to Pat
 
Minnesota quarterback BrettFavre made an unexpected start Monday night, in Chicago's snowy 40-14 beat down of the Vikings.
 
Rather than bring up Old Yeller Fever again (wait, we just did, which proves we're beginning to show symptoms), let's allow Suzy Kolber to start the performance.
 
Lights please!
 
Suzy Kolber: "One name is bigger than Mother Nature and that's BrettFavre!"
 
Matt Millen: "If the arm comes off, he'll pick it back up and throw it on."
 
Michelle Tafoya: "Brian Urlacher told us it was always fun to play against BrettFavre!"
 
Ron Jaworski: "BrettFavre has taken a beating this year. It's time for those guys (Vikings offensive linemen) to show up and be the ultimate warrior like BrettFavre is!"
 
Mike Ditka: "He's the ultimate competitor. I love him. I respect him. He's a warrior."  Yup, even our hero Mike Ditka came down with a flash case of Old Yeller Fever Monday night. 
 
We feel like that scene in a Charlie Brown Christmas when Chuck catches Snoopy decorating the doghouse: "Even my own dog ... gone commercial."
 
Trent Dilfer: "BrettFavre is the poster boy for wanting the spotlight. Monday Night Football, biggest stage, it all adds up."
 
Tom Jackson: "He likes the spotlight. He loves playing the game."
 
Chris Berman: "This is not a mirage. This is BrettFavre standing there in the snow, outside, wind chill minus one ... It's just ironic that a young man from Kiln, Mississippi is now going to be playing in the snow."
 
Watching BrettFavre in the snow arouses Chris Berman more than real-life sexual intercourse. As for the others, we never knew that craving the spotlight was such a key to winning championships. Only victims of Old Yeller Fever see the yearning for the spotlight in a team sport to be such a redeeming quality.
 
 
We do, Boomer: "Behold, we bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of Kiln, a Saviour, which is BrettFavre the warrior. And this shall be a sign unto you: You will find the babe wrapped in swaddling cloths of hype, lying on the field concussed at TCF Bank Stadium."
 
And that's what Christmas-time football is all about, Charlie Berman.
 
AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE SOURCE OF OVERKILL
And now a word from CBS:
 
"From TV's number one comedy, to the number one new comedy, the number one news magazine, the number one news show and the number one drama on television, thanks for making CBS America's number one network." – CBS play-by-play man Ian Eagle
 
And from America's number one consumer of Buffalo Wings, this crap needs to stop airing between plays.
 
THE TWO SIDES TO CHRIS KLUWE
Vikings punter Chris Kluwe made headlines over the weekend when he publicly declared the field at the University of Minnesota's TCF Bank Stadium to be "unplayable" and argued the conditions were ripe for player injury.
 
Kluwe even hoped nobody got "catastrophically injured," making the point that the overly-protective NFL is hypocritical for allowing the game to be played at the stadium.
 
On the one hand, Kluwe has a point that the NFL is full of double standards. On the other hand, Kluwe needs to stop whining. Last week, Keyshawn Johnson and Cris Carter worried about underwear and plane food holding back Giants players. This week, the punter for the
 
Vikings is bitching about playing on a cold, frozen field.
 
Hear that?
 
 
BREAKING NEWS
The headlines you missed because they froze in Mike Tirico's pants
 
Jesus sends congratulatory text to Tim Tebow after 40 yard touchdown
 
Tebow texts happy birthday response
 
Jeff George snubbed from greatest Vikings ceremony
 
Confirmed: Rams passing attack using four-play playbook from Nintendo's Tecmo Bowl
 
Dolphins announce 16 game road schedule for 2011
 
Rasmussen Poll : majority of likely voters want Polamalu as next defense secretary
 
NFL official flags wife for illegal use of hands during coitus

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