Frankie C's Excellent Super Bowl Adventure: Part 2

For  Day 1 of Frankie’s Excellent Super Bowl Adventure click here.
 
Day 2: Pittsburgh, The Pro Football Hall Of Fame, and Granville, Ohio

Well, that was some start to the trip yesterday.  All that driving was crazy exhausting.  And, apparently “borderline blackout drunk” sleep in the passenger seat isn’t as restful as you’d hope.

6 a.m.  I woke up in Pittsburgh PA in desperate need of coffee and aspirin.  My head hurts and I’m pretty sure Bill’s first impression of me has him nervous about rooming together for the week.  I have no idea what brand of nonsense I was spewing last night.  I’m sure it was worthless and embarrassing.  I can vaguely remember trying to convince Bill he should get some footage of me singing karaoke and getting somewhat upset at his reluctance.  Bill for the win.

6:20 a.m.  I spend 20 minutes making peace with myself over being an idiot and head down to the lobby for coffee and a smoke.  It’s not too bad outside.  I get my first good look at Pittsburgh.  It’s actually really awesome, the whole downtown area is clean and well kept.  The hotel is right across the street from PNC Park, where the Pittsburgh Pirates play.  It’s a beautiful stadium.  In the distance, I can even see Heinz Field.  It’s cool how everything is close together and by everything, I mean the sports stadiums and the bars.  What more do you need?

6:30 a.m.  I’m back in the room. Kerry’s up, and hammering away on his laptop.  He hits the keys like Jerry Lee Lewis playing the piano.  Seriously it sounds like he’s pounding nails.  I’m still recovering. 

8 a.m.  Kerry and I hit the lobby for the continental breakfast and in true “anywhere outside the Northeast” fashion, they have a favorite of mine from my Marine Corps days, “Sh*t on a Shingle.”  For the uninitiated, this is not fecal matter for breakfast.  This is a meat sauce over toast, or in this case biscuits.  It’s not the best I’ve ever had, but today it feels like it is.  Kerry’s less impressed, but he’s malcontented and not in any pain.

9 a.m.  I decide to get out for a closer look at the city.  Besides I need to buy some smokes and while there’s sports parks and bars right outside the door, there’s no convenience stores. I walk over the Alleghany River via the 6th St. (Roberto Clemente) Bridge.  It’s one of many bridges in the city and they’re all painted in the same yellow color.  I’m not certain it’s the reason, but I like to think it’s because they love the Steelers so much. 

I manage to get to the other side of the river without throwing myself in and find the store.  Hallelujah, smokes are cheaper here too.  Pittsburgh, I love you. I see a building called Heinz Hall where the Pittsburgh Orchestra holds concerts.  I do the “face against the window” maneuver and take a look inside.  It’s stunningly beautiful with black and white marble balconies and stairways.  It reminds me of the Wang Center back home but to my dismay, more beautiful. 

10 a.m.  Now it sounds like a construction site in the room.  Both of us working at a blistering pace to entertain the masses.  

11 a.m.  The day 1 blog is finished.  I’m ready to go.  We’re supposed to be checking out of the hotel now but Kerry’s still got a ton of stuff to do so we’re going to do a late checkout at 1pm.  I kill time by mocking Kerry.  It’s generous on his part not to mention that considering the source, my barbs aren’t as hurtful as they would be if I wasn’t a total douchebag. 

12 p.m.  Kerry’s still playing catch up on his work and I’ve had enough of the hotel room.  I summon some gumption and decide to stop delaying the inevitable.  I will have to drink again before long.  It might as well start now.  I forego the hotel bar, Soho, which has a faux upper class feel.  I need a place where I can relax. Thankfully right across the street is Mullen’s Bar and Grill. 

I get up to the bar and meet Kelly, the bartendress with the nice backside.  I decide not to mention that to her.  I immediately get back on the horse with a shot of Jack and a Bud. It was touch and go there for a second as to whether I’d be able to get it down, but my inner alchy took over and got through it.  I explain to Kelly that much like a fireman or a doctor, I may get a call any minute and have to flee the scene. 

A drunken bloggers work is never done. As a result, I wanted to order something that I had a chance of getting before the call comes in.  Kelly recommends a cold sandwich. Kelly is wise and sagacious and maybe I hadn’t mentioned this before, has a phenomenal bottom.  The turkey club I ordered comes out and again, this may be the booze talking but was amazing!  The turkey they used was sliced really thin and piled high on top of Texas style toast with delicious crispy bacon.  Score! 

Everything I thought about Kelly is true.  I briefly and secretly wonder if, like Sampson from the Bible, her ass is the source of her awesomosity.  According to Kelly, Mullen’s is famous for their Tater Tots, which they serve with a variety of sauces and such.  In fact, the locals refer to Mullen’s as “Tots”.  I had a traumatic Broad Meadows Middle School experience with tater tots that I still don’t feel entirely comfortable talking about so I opt out.  Since Kelly said so, I highly suggest you try the tots at Mullen’s.

2 p.m.  The call comes in.  It’s time to return to The Road, my cruel mistress.  I meet Kerry and Bill in front of the hotel and away we go.  I’ve got a comfortable buzz going.  We’re off to Ohio, and the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

3 p.m.  We cross into Ohio.  This is my first time here, or anywhere else that you’d consider the Midwest.  There is NOTHING on the radio in this part of the country.  We hear several Christian radio stations asking me to consider my relationship with God.  They’re a bit late.  Every time I wake up feeling like I did this morning, I consider that very thing.

3:30 p.m.  In Akron, Ohio we can see the Goodyear Tires World Headquarters from the highway.  Kerry mentions that he thinks he has Goodyear’s on the truck.  This is what the Road reduces you to.  I know nothing about car parts and prefer to talk about them like normal people do, in a repair shop, while feeling like I’m getting ripped off.

4 p.m.  We just rolled into Canton, Ohio and I’m so excited.  I’ve dreamed for a long time about visiting the hall of fame, and I’m finally here.  As we pull into the parking lot, there’s a ton of construction equipment and a giant hole next to the building.  I get nervous.  I’ve seen “Vacation”.  I don’t want to get to the door and be told the moose out front should have told us the hall was closed. I’m in luck. We get in the door and John Candy is nowhere to be seen. 

The lady selling tickets calls for the curator while we check out the statue of Jim Thorpe and listen to the music from all those old NFLFfilms.  The curator comes down and introduces himself as Jason.  We make our way through the hall as Kerry films an interview with Jason. 

What a thrill seeing those artifacts was.  Even the building itself, was awesome.  Inside the front door there’s a ramp which goes up counter clockwise into the display rotunda.  The domed ceiling has natural stained glass lighting which gives the entire area a reverent chapel-like feeling.  According to Jason the construction outside is part of a huge renovation to add a new wing and unfortunately the room with the bronze busts of the inductees is closed. 

Luckily, Jason has a soft spot for the Cold Hard Football Facts and lets us check it out anyway. What a terrific display! When you see the induction ceremonies on television, it really doesn’t convey how life-like those busts are.  When I’m inducted to the blogging Hall of Fame, I want whoever does those sculptures in charge of mine. But, rather than a still-life bust, I want an action statue of me sweating over a laptop, or vomiting, or maybe being laughed at by a woman that’s clearly out of my league.

5 p.m.  We part ways with Bill and the Hall of Fame.  Bill is headed on to Indy.  Kerry and I are scheduled to have dinner with some family of his that resides in Granville, Ohio.

6 p.m.  We discover we’re parched from the long day of being awesome, so we stop in the Warehouse Steak N’ Stein in Roscoe Village, Ohio.  It’s an old converted grain warehouse built in the early 1800s.  Kaitlyn is from the little nearby town of Newcomerstown and serves us a couple cold ones and some Buffalo wings.  A friendly girl with red hair, Kaitlyn describes her Ohio childhood as idyllic. I don’t know if I would describe it that way if it was me because I like a lot of action, but it sure is pretty around here.  All the old buildings, wide open spaces and the scenic rivers that line the highways would make for a hell of a postcard.

7 p.m.  We arrive in Granville, Ohio.  Turns out, Granville was founded by transplants from Granville, Mass.  You can tell from the way the streets are set up and the closeness of the structures in the town center.  It looks like a number of New England towns I’ve been to.  The familiarity is comforting.  I have to say though, if I travelled a third of the way across the country to build my own town, I sure enough wouldn’t name it after the town I just left. 

I would absolutely found Frankietown, or Big Frank City, or Douchetonia … You get the idea.

7:30 p.m.  We meet up with Kerry’s relative Barry.  We decide to get a bite to eat and head out to Brew’s Café in the center of Granville.  Penny, our waitress is nice enough but gives me someone else’s food.  I noticed that the quesadilla she served me wasn’t the sandwich I ordered but didn’t say anything.  I ordered something that supposedly came on a pretzel roll, and I had no idea what a pretzel roll looked like so I figured maybe that was Ohio’s way of saying tortilla.  Wrong again, Frankie C. 

Penny came over and corrected her error but not before I’d scarfed down half of someone else’s dinner.  Kerry, Barry, and I traded war stories over beers and found it in our hearts to forgive Penny, and maybe ourselves a little bit too.    

9 p.m.   Kerry and I were booked into the Granville Inn for the night.  We rolled in during the night so I couldn’t get a good look the exterior of the building, but the minute we got in I was blown away.  It’s a beautiful stone English manor built in 1924.  It feels like I’m staying in a castle.  According to the woman at the check-out counter, the hotel pub is closed but she tells us if we can convince the bartender to stay we’re welcome to to try.  She doesn’t know who she’s dealing with.  If Kerry can’t sweet talk her, I’m quite certain I can sway her by crying like a child.

9:15 p.m.  Our new friend Jodie the bartender is graciously serving us “after hours” beers, which everyone knows are the most delicious Budweisers you can drink.

10 a.m.  Time to wrap it up for the night.  We have to conserve energy for Indianapolis.  That’s where it’s going to get insane.  Talk to you fine people tomorrow.

For  Day 1 of Frankie’s Excellent Super Bowl Adventure click here.
For Day 3 of Frankie's Excellent Super Bowl Adventure click here.

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Read more: Cold Hard Football Facts, Football Nation, Frankie C., NFL