CHFF's out-house critic: the Ombudsdouche
Cold, Hard Football Facts for Sep 07, 2009
Ed. Note: Welcome to the second installment of reactions from our very own out-house critic Mark Wald, the Ombudsdouche. Wald writes to rip CHFF virtually every day, as if we don't realize we have problems. In any case, we told him to compile his rants into a single column of criticism each week or more likely, and typical of CHFF scheduling, whenever it happens.
By Mark Wald
Ever notice how CHFF attributes John Elway's two Super Bowl titles to Denver's dominant running game? Yet Mike Shanahan never won anything of note after Elway left (and Shanahan got fired for it) despite continually churning out awesome running games, while in all other areas non-Elway related CHFF talks about the irrelevance of the running game. The CHFF math doesn't add up.
What's with all the Vick and Favre stories lately, I thought CHFF didn't run with the pack of hype-based sports journalism? CHFF will counter with the "unique and alternate angle" response.
Oh, that's right, the "Vick as running back" angle. Gosh, how original. What else were you going to write about, what a great passer he was? The worst of it was the The Vick Sneak Preview Story, alternatively titled Look at our Boring Story About How Vick Cleaned His Belly Button in Six Steps so CHFF Can Demonstrate That We, Too, Have Stories About Him on Our Site.
Favre's humiliating descent is almost matched by CHFF's puzzling goal to make sure they have more links about Favre on their site than other sports sites do. I have no problem giving a scumbag and clown story space, assuming they do something of note. Thought CHFF felt the same way.
Is it just me, or does Peter King have the most arrogantly self aware column in sports? Apparently, we were supposed to be sad and upset that his recent MMQB column was trimmed from 762,000 words down to 700,000 (he trimmed 62,000 instances of the word "I").
My job is supposed to be limited to showing CHFF the error of their ways, but as long as CHFF publisher Kerry Byrne, King, and senator Larry Craig continue to meet in airport bathrooms and toe tap to coffeenerdness (if you know what I mean), I consider King fair game. King might be the big shot who writes for the respectable monolith, but here's hoping the Chief Troll leverages his nifty little relationship with King to pass on this journalistic chestnut: less is more.
The Blind Faith video was cool. Found the comment about "filthy hippies" kind of amusing, though. Nice to see CHFF feed into their former college frat-boy fan base. Hey Byrne, look in the mirror lately? Be glad the Randolph Charlatin video offered about the same crystal clear clarity of the Zapruder film or we'd all be kutzing right now.
(CHFF responds: No doubt Byrne is filthy, but he's no hippie. He's more like a filthy redneck. Let's get your facts straight.)
A hearty "here-here" for CHFF's rant against light and flavored beers. Couldn't agree more. Mabye CHFF will treat us to a reprint of that article extolling the virtues of beer over wine. After all, who would want to have anything in common with those Super Bowl-winning sissies (and wine enthusiasts) Chuck Noll, Dick Vermeil, and Bill Walsh?
Saw that the History of the AFL with CHFF will be on Showtime this fall. Glad to see it will be widely available. Remember back when anything related to NFL Films used to be on ESPN, and before that, major networks on weekend afternoons? Oh well, guess we'll read about it.
Forearm Shiver: the CHFF Blog
- Aaron Hernandez Quizzed In Death Probe: Tough Week To Be Patriots Tight End
- Former Bears WR David Terrell Says He'd Cut Off His Balls To Play W Jay Cutler
- Roger Goodell Defends Redskins Name In Letter To Congress
- Video: Pat Imig's FN NFL Update June 09
- Chuck Norris: 'Clutch' Tim Tebow An 'Athletic Warrior'
- NFL Today: The Golden Age Of The Ground Game
- Wes Welker Excited About "Freedom" In Denver
- The 5.0 Club: Best Rushing Teams in NFL History
- Sieves: The Worst Run Defenses In NFL History
- 2013 NFL Schedule: The Year Of The Denver Broncos
- Monsters of the Midway: We Need The Chicago Bears More Than Ever
- The 100 Stingiest Defenses In Football History
- NFL Crown Rule: Will It Dethrone Rushing King Adrian Peterson?
- Big Tease: 2012 New England Patriots And NFL's History Of Offensive Failures
- Real Quarterback Rating Differential: A New Mother Of All Stats?
Must See Videos