Borges's agenda bombed into oblivion

Cold, Hard Football Facts for Apr 20, 2005



Anyone in the Boston area with the loosest interest in football knows that Boston Globe columnist Ron Borges has it out for the New England Patriots. His condescension drips from almost every word he puts in print – he's hyper-critical, to the point of parody, of every move the team makes, he insults its fans, has belittled its coaches in print and in person, and makes wild, insupportable claims with no basis in fact.

Well, the jig is up for Borges. No longer will his agenda roam around unchallenged, taking unwarranted pot shots from behind the bulwark of his employer's good name. Not while we're lording over the battlefield. In fact, the Cold, Hard Football Facts have lured his agenda out of its trench and now have it exposed in the open field of online pigskin "punditry." His agenda has nowhere to go and, like the German 7th Army in the Falaise pocket, is about to be carpet bombed into oblivion.

To get up to speed, read yesterday's Cold, Hard Football Facts, "Yeah, yeah it's the axe man."

What follows is an e-mail Borges sent us yesterday in response to this story. Sit back with your doughnut and coffee and enjoy the fireworks. The Cold, Hard Football Facts appear, as always, [in brackets].

***

Dear Sir or Madam,
I was alerted to your scribblings on this and checked your website out.

[Gee, we thought you were alerted to our "scribblings" when we wrote to you! yesterday asking you to comment on a piece we were publishing. Did you already forget? Plus, you make it sound like you've never been here before. Last we remember, you wrote a whole f*ckin' column about our site back in January. So we're assuming that you've been here before. Of course, that might be assuming a lot, if the research you did before putting together the Patrick Pass contract article is any indication. Here's a hint: you wrote about us the day of the Indy-NE playoff game. We proved in the days leading up to the game that the NE defense was just as effective without Law in the lineup as it had been with him in the line-up. You wrote that this was poppy-cock, essentially accused the omniscient and all-powerful Cold, Hard Football Facts of yahooism, implied that we cooked the books, and made your own awkward, wobbly-kneed yet noble attempt to build an argument around Cold, Hard Football Facts. How'd that work out for you? Not well. You were wrong and we, of course, were dead-on-balls accurate, as we so often are. We suggest you swim back to the shallow end of the pigskin pool because you're in over your head here when you try to take us on. This isn't Pete Carroll you're trying to strong-arm and embarrass at a press conference. This is your fraudulent agenda vs. the harsh, inalterable reality of the Cold, Hard Football Facts. We'll crush you.]

Please be sure to report when Pass earns those $400,000 in ''incentives'' or cashes in on those "endorsements.'' I will certainly be monitoring that. Perhaps you haven't read the NFLPA breakdown of his contract. Go find the $400,000 in makeable "incentives.''

[Hey, look, over here, it's the point: We said several times that you may be right. This seems lost on you. Perhaps being right is such a foreign emotion to you. In any case, the point, for the third time, is that there are many, many reasons to explain why Pass took a deal for less money than Houston's Moran Norris beyond the single, narrow, negative explanation that you offered. The most likely scenario, to anyone with a basic command of the salary cap, is that Houston just wildly overpaid for an unproductive fullback who could have been replaced by any of a number of bit players for minimum salary. The Texans then could have put the money they saved on Norris toward building their team in other areas and maybe, someday, they'd win more than seven games in a season. Of course, this never occurred to you. You offered only one reason for the Pass deal: his agent is incompetent. It's consistent with your default position about everything related to the Patriots. Look at it this way. There was nothing preventing you from pitching your story like this: "Can you believe Houston dished out a $600,000 signing bonus to a player who has generated just 53 yards of offense in his four-year career? No wonder why they suck." But that never occurred to you, because you've conditioned yourself to hack away at anything associated with the New England franchise. That, our fine-feathered friend, was the point of the article. If you have a dispute over the terms of the contract, bring it up with the agent. Our dispute is with your agenda. That point was clear to anyone who read our articles on the topic – anyone but you, apparently.]

Found your next to last paragraph mea culpa an amusing effort to cover your butts though.

[We invite anyone to read the "amusing" next to last paragraph. In it, we quickly summarized four reasons why Pass might have accepted a deal that pales compared with the deal signed by Norris. You, of course, offered one reason. There was no mea culpa. We made the very same arguments back on April 5 when we wrote our original piece on the topic, "Borges misses the boat." Of course, our original analysis remains unchallenged: You wrote your attack on Pass's agent without talking to the agent or the player. We talked to her for you. No need to thank us, though.]

Was also amused to see you feel you know more about pro football than John Madden.

[We never said we know more about pro football than Madden. Don't know where you got that from. What we did say, and if you read the article you should know this, is that he was completely wrong when he stated that Peyton Manning is not the problem with the Colts. Manning IS the problem. More specifically, Manning's annual postseason swan dive is the reason why the Colts spit the bit and sh*t all over the track in the playoffs each year. This we proved, in absolutely no uncertain terms, in the piece that you reference. Go back and read it. Marvel at the Cold, Hard Football Facts in all their grand, glowing and righteous might. Madden was wrong about this topic. We were right. Make a fact-filled argument otherwise and we're happy to listen. But honestly, man, your reading comprehension is virtually non-existent. Didn't you ever take those tests in elementary school? Didn't you ever take one of those AP style tests to get a writing job at some point in your career? Doesn't the Globe demand some sort of baseline reading and writing ability before hiring people? Maybe not. In the space of this e-mail alone, you're 0-for-2 at getting the point.]

Your ignorance is only exceeded by your arrogance.

[Pot, kettle. Kettle, pot. At least we're right about everything. What's your excuse?]

Thanks for your interest in my work and for keeping your readers interest in me at an all-time high.

[Glad we could help. Your shoddy work needs all the support it can get to prop it up. But, again, you make a critical error. There is no reader interest "in me" – as you so egocentrically put it. There is reader interest in your column, however, the same way there's interest in a car wreck when people are driving down the highway. Readers want to see the twisted, smoking wreckage of your words and gasp at it in disbelief. But you know this, of course. It's your shtick. You've hijacked your own credibility by taking potshots at an organization whose success is now unquestionable. And now, to make up for it, you make wild, crazy, insupportable arguments just to get a rise out of people and get them to read your column. Seriously, you're the guy who said just this year that Tony Dungy vs. Bill Belichick is an even coaching match-up. We laughed and laughed and laughed when we read that. You're the guy who picked Indy to win on TV, and then had your interns make your picks for you in the paper. And they picked New England! We laughed and laughed and laughed again. You know, Borges, we have a shtick, too. It's called making a careful analysis of the Cold, Hard Football Facts, presenting it a clever and entertaining way, and then being right all the time. But, hey, whatever works for you, man. It's cool. But just remember, your agenda has been exposed. And now it's been bombed into oblivion.]

All the best,

Ron Borges

p.s. This is just a personal courtesy note between myself and whomever you are to thank you for your continued interest in my work.

[No problem. We won't tell anybody.]

 

 


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