Awesome Memorial Day Mail Pouch

TROLL: Yo, I frickin' love your site. I wish I could party with you guys on any given Sunday. Toss back a couple icy brews and watch my favorite team (Vikings) dominate. But I'll have to settle for reading your bits. By the way, speaking of beer, you guys have to try Lake Superior Special Ale, made in Duluth, Minnesota. If you can't get a hold of any, let me know and I'll send you a couple six-packs. Best beer ever.

 

Anyway your bits are fantastic. The most credible site in the biz. Your research is top notch, and your insight is second to none. I've been a fan for over a year now and not once have I disagreed with any of your conclusions. That's saying something since I'm known for being a contrarian prick. You make other sites like Profootballtalk.com look like tea-totaling gossip whores. Thanks you for keeping it real. Keep up the fantastic work. – Greg Hokanson (Purplehoke)

 

CHFF: Thanks, Purple ... do you mind if we call you Purple? Anyone who scrubs our nuggets so thoroughly AND offers to send beer is a-OK in our book. The fact that you casually worked the phrase "tea-totaling gossip whores" into your email is a tribute to the vast subversive intelligence of our readers. Too bad you have a penis, or we could have been something together.

 

TROLL: Bravo on that Specter piece. It seems like y'all (I'm from Ole Miss) know politics pretty well. I like your site. I am a Manning fan (again, I'm from Ole Miss) and as such I refused to come to this site until after the AFC championship game last year, when the Colts beat the Patriots. But people need to let this Spygate thing die. The NFL already got their pound of flesh (what a great figure of speech) with charging the Pats a first-round pick and the powers-that-be need to send a message to all the NFL teams that from here on out espionage, outside of official scouting channels, is going to be the 11th sin and will incur the wrath of God accordingly.

 

I also saw that you guys did some "badass American mo-fos" series last summer. I thought I'd link you something on a son of a President, Teddy Roosevelt Jr. – Drew Brooks

 

CHFF: Always nice to hear from someone in our spiritual homeland of SEC country. Best football, best players, best fans, best food and best tailgating in the country, bar none. The talent in the NFL is obviously superior. But as far as all-around atmosphere is concerned, pro football doesn't even compare. We mention the superiority of the SEC quite often, such has here and here. You should also see this Southern football primer. 

 

Also, from our travels around the SEC, it's common wisdom that Ole Miss boasts the most beautiful girls in the South. But you can decide for yourself (link is NSFW). Even guys from other schools, like LSU and Georgia, have admitted so much, in moments of bourbon-induced weakness. The fact that Oxford is the home of William Faulkner adds to its allure. Actually, not really. Let's face it, we care only about the girls.

 

In any case, thanks for the nice words and the link to a true American hero, Teddy Jr., right here before Memorial Day. The book "The Longest Day," did a great job highlighting his heroism. But in the famous, star-studded movie, as is so often the case, the way he ended up on the beach is treated rather glibly (even inaccurately). The true story is even more heroic than what people saw on film. If it were up to the Cold, Hard Football Facts, every schoolchild would spend an entire year of history/social studies studying World War II and D-Day in particular. But that's just us. Some people have other ideas about how to spend your tax dollars.

 

TROLL: I'm a staff writer for BattleRedBlog.com, a fansite devoted to the Houston Texans. I wanted to give y'all a "hats off" for your excellent slant on the NFL. I happened to stumble across your site when I was trying to do some research for an article – suffice to say I've been thoroughly impressed. Keep up the good work. – Eric J. Solis, BattleRedBlog.com

 

CHFF: Awesome, a second "y'all" shout-out in two days. But really, Eric, if you want to be impressed, you should see the CHFF staff stumble through the company's obligatory five-shots-of-Jagermeister lunch, and then still out-research and out-analyze the "pundits." By the way, good luck this season. It should be an exciting one for the Texans and their fans. You'll be happy to know, Eric, that the Cold, Hard Football Facts are so brilliant that only we had the cojones to praise the Texans for drafting Mario Williams over Reggie Bush with the No. 1 pick in 2006. In fact, we gave the Texans a rare "A" for that draft, picking up Williams and DeMeco Ryans with their first two picks.

 

Clearly, we utterly refuted the "wisdom" of the "pundits," who, devoid as they were of the Cold, Hard Football Facts, were universally apoplectic over the move. Bush, of course, ended up in New Orleans, where he's failed to live up to the hype of the "can't miss kid." Williams, meanwhile, had a monster second season last year for Houston (14.0 sacks, tied for third in the league), while Ryans won Defensive Rookie of the Year honors in 2006. If the Saints had to do it all over again, knowing what they know now, they would probably trade their top seven picks that year for Williams and Ryans alone. They represent two of the top young defenders in the league while the Saints, of course, are in desperate need of defensive help.

 

TROLL: Somebody is finally listening. Michael Lombardi at SI.com has picked up the idea that "Establishing the Run" is a myth. - Mike Stickles

 

CHFF: Nice! Unfortunately, Lombardi used few stats or data to make his point. Just his own assumptions. In this case, his assumptions are accurate. But a little more objective evidence, a few more Cold, Hard Football Facts, such as those we've provided over the years, would have made his case more convincingly. Still, as you point out, it's nice to see the commandments of Planet Pigskin, as handed down upon the gridiron Mt. Sinai by the Cold, Hard Football Facts, are starting to gain a wider following.

 

 

TROLL: To call Mr. Bad Hair Mel Kiper a draft guru is a joke. Anyone who grades a team's draft the day after is an idiot. You cannot tell until at least three years down the line whether a team's draft was successful or not. – Paul Baranofsky

 

CHFF: Kiper's hair might be bad. But it's not a joke. This is a joke: "Grasshopper walks into a bar. Bartender says, 'We have a drink named after you.' Grasshopper says, 'You have a drink named Murray?'"

 

Calling Mel Kiper a draft guru is merely ignorant.

 

Actually, in his defense, Kiper knows a lot about the talent coming out of college. You gotta give him credit for that. He can speak pretty knowledgably about virtually every player on the board. But clearly, he has no idea what's going to become of these players, or who's going to take them in the draft. And when he sits there and pontificates about the quality of a team's selection, or its overall draft, he generally makes a fool of himself, at least in the eyes of any thinking football fan. But, with the exception of the Cold, Hard Football Facts and a select few other outlets, that's the state of the media today: make a lot of noise – whether right or wrong – and hope people notice.

 

TROLL: Never forget the major bad blood between the Colts and Mel Kiper after Kiper insulted the Colts for taking Edgerrin James and passing on Rickey Williams in the 1999 draft (James was taken No. 4 overall, Williams No. 5). The fact that Edge has 11,607 rushing yards with 77 TD (plust 11 more TD catches) versus Williams, 7,112 yards with 47 TD (plus 4 catches), should not matter, right? The Colts also must have been idiots to take James since the Colts really needed a little drama in their locker room, such as Rickey would have brought. Kiper is a moron who has never apologized to the Colts for insulting them when the Colts actually knew what they were doing (before Ditka went completely insane one pick later...). – Robert Glickler

 

CHFF: We're sure teams think Kiper and his ilk are a joke and really don't take him (or them) seriously. Like we said, he clearly has knowledge about the players coming out in the draft. But his track record shows he has absolutely ZERO inside knowledge when it comes to what's going down on draft day, and the notion that he somehow has a better eye for talent than any NFL executive is laughable. Well, he probably is sharper than Matt Millen. But that's hardly something to be proud of.

 

TROLL: I am new to your website over the past six months. I am also a great fan of your work. Still, I must take issue with your contention that the NFL finally understands something you have discovered by picking 22 linemen in the first 63 picks. If we split the difference between 3-4 and 4-3 defenses, there are 8.5 linemen starting on an average team. That is more than 38% of the core starters, while 22 of 63 is only 35%. So, linemen were actually underrepresented in the first 63 picks, although they received more favorable treatment in the first round. Having said that, defensive ends have generated a lot of attention in the past two drafts. It will be interesting to see how many pan out. – Jim Rosenberger

 

CHFF: Thanks for the kind words. We think our main point is that linemen were heavily represented high in the draft. That tells you where teams were ready to spend their money this year. And, this year, they were ready to spend their money in the trenches – as evidenced by the fact that an OT, Michigan's Jake Long, went with the No. 1 overall pick, and a player opposite him, Virginia DE Chris Long, went with the No. 2 overall pick.

 

TROLL: Hey, I was looking through your Super Bowl QB categories again and wondered, is Tom Brady still a "Legend" in your book or has he been downgraded to "Champion" because of SB42? On one hand, the "Legends" are undefeated in SB play. On the other hand the "Champions" are all .500 in SB play. Or is Tom Brady in a league of his own at this point, the only QB to win 3 titles and lose in his 4th SB appearance? – Rick Lee

 

CHFF: Hey Rick. Good question. We'll probably update that piece next year during the playoffs, as we do each year. We haven't run the numbers yet since SB42, but our initial reaction is that Brady will be downgraded from "Legend" to "Champion." The six "Legends" all had two things in common. One, as you pointed out, they were undefeated in Super Bowl play. Two, just as importantly, they possessed the six highest cumulative Super Bowl passer ratings, among those quarterbacks who appeared in more than one Super Bowl. Following his sub-par game against the Giants, Brady clearly is no longer undefeated. It's also doubtful his Super Bowl passer rating remains among the six best. So, like we said, we'll run the numbers next season. But the chances are that he'll be downgraded.

 

TROLL: In "Pour it on! Five eternal lessons of Draught Day," you said: "It was a lousy day for the used-car salesmen" and you guys cut-up on Kiper & the Bunch. I understand the intent of your article; and it's deserving of praise.

 

However, since millions of Americans subscribe to the NFL Network, it's only fitting that you "should" have included Mike Mayock's mock. He was pretty good. I counted 11 correct picks, with his off picks being in the vicinity of "damn-near" close. Had many of those knuckleheads in the front offices not traded places like Dan Ackroyd and Eddie Murphy hyper-style, Mayock would probably have gotten 5-10 more correct. I believe that Mayock covers his bases more thoroughly than the rest; and that's not just because of this year's success either. So he deserves due credit.

 

Also, before the draft, I averaged the first-round picks of 11 so-called internet and media mock experts to come up with my mock. If it's any consolation to your piece, I came up with, you guessed it – seven, pretty much the average you had. You are on to something with this site. It's great. Thanks. – Corey Sheridan Oliver

 

CHFF: Well, you gave due tribute to Mayock here. We'll watch him more closely in the years ahead. Being a Boston College man (like our own Chief Troll) it's natural that his mock drafts are superior to others.

 

TROLL: Great site.  I have yet another question (which may or may not be answered): Which is the greatest draft class, either overall, or specifically by position. Your thoughts? Thanks – Martin

 

CHFF: Well, there are a lot of different ways to look at this. But it seems the clear winner for best draft class ever belonged to the Steelers in 1974, when they selected four Hall of Famers that year: Swann, Stallworth, Webster and Lambert. It's no coincidence that, after a couple of years of contender status, they exploded into the dynastic Steelers that very same year, winning their first of four Super Bowls in six years. NFL powers are built through the draft, and that 1974 draft class is probably the prime reason the Steelers of the 1970s are remembered not as a tough, competitive team, which is what they were in 1972 and 1973, but as one of the great dynasties ever. To put that draft class into perspective, only one other future HOFer was taken in 1974, Notre Dame tight end Dave Casper, who went, of course, to Oakland.

 

TROLL: Your take on the mock draft is so true. Year after year I have noticed this and year after year I wonder why so many people waste their time on it. I was just thinking about this the other night when I saw Kiper on the tube. In fact, I was laughing to myself thinking that even he must be laughing inside at the fact that he can make a living doing this. As much as I have gotten into the NFL in the last 10 years or so, I always felt that spending a lot of time on pre-draft talk was getting into 'get a life' territory. I think exhibit A this year. Did a lot of people expect Miami to do what it did this year? Even if they did, getting a few right in the first half of the first round isn't all that tough. – Tom Iacono

CHFF: Well, if you want to talk "get a life" territory, you've come to the right place. But even we don't see the allure of the mock draft. Apparently, though, there are bigger shut-ins than us. And that's kind of sad. It's like a million tiny souls, screaming out for attention.

TROLL: Fellas, great site. Love the WR bust/productive player ratio article. One very little nit pick. 

 

Roy Williams & Lee Evans are statistically the same guy. Williams a few more grabs, Evans a few more yards...  It's not William's fault Matt Millen (who else?) drafted him. – Steve Lebron

 

TROLL: I'm not sure if I would count Santonio Holmes as a disappointment, 101 catches in 2 years with a 17.5 ypc average isn't bad, especially on a team that doesn't pass very much. And he wasn't a top 15 pick or anything. – John Leiner

 

TROLL: In regards to "The eternal mystery of Draft Day":

 

I am not sure if "underachiever" is the appropriate description for Terry Glenn. He has had a tough time putting several seasons together with all his injuries (5 years missing at least 6 games out of 12 years), but each time he has bounced back and put up productive seasons. He has 4 seasons of 1000 yards, and 8 years with at least 50 catches (and 792 yards or more). Just 44 touchdowns are disappointing, but more than any other in the "underachiever" category (as is his yards and catches). You described the underachievers as guys who at best dabbled with one or two great seasons. 1000 yards may not be considered a great season by some standards. Four of them as well as the 4 other years where he performed well should indicate that his career should not belittled to that of an "underachiever". Take Lee Evans in the stars category. He is a great young player, similar to Glenn in style, but he has just 1 1000 yard season and just 1 year with more than 60 catches, 2 with more than 50 catches in his 4 seasons. He certainly has not shown himself to be superior to Glenn yet. – Nathan Altshuler

 

 

TROLL: Is John Tomase of the Boston Herald another Ron Borges? Check out this article by Jim Donaldson of the Providence Journal. Now, check out Tomase's article in the Herald, also dated April 20th. – Texas Pat

 

CHFF: We got this email back in April, well before the whole "Patriots spied on the Rams" debacle blew up in the face of the Herald and its football writer, John Tomase. We kind of ignored it because, well, there doesn't seem to be a lot of similiarties between the two pieces in question, other than the fact they discussed the same topic, which is hardly unusual. But in light of more recent events, namely Tomase's story alleging the Patriots spied on the Rams being proven untrue, it takes on a whole new light. Again, there is little veracity to this charge in the email above. But, certainly, Tomase will be under the microscope, as Borges was for years, with football fans watching his every move, waiting for him to f-up.

 

TROLL: I like your article on history's 10 best quarterbacks. No argument putting Montana at #2 and Starr at #1. But I do question some curious omissions. Besides Bradshaw and Elway, which you acknowledge, two other significant omissions are Bob Griese and Ken Stabler. Don't both deserve at least honorable mentions? And one glaring omission is Troy Aikman – with three Super Bowl rings, surely he deserves at least an honorable mention, and probably belongs on the list (maybe bumping Steve Young?). I hate the Cowboys and always will, but give Aikman his due. Love your site.  Keep up the good work. – Matt Kell

 

CHFF: When we first published that story back during the playoffs, it generated a lot of buzz for its contrarian – yet utterly fact-filled – take on the topic of the best quarterbacks. Clearly, there are plenty of other great quarterbacks out there who might have been included in our Top 10 and we heard about a lot of them, Matt. But throwing out names like Bradshaw, Elway, Griese, Stabler and Aikman doesn't help the cause. What you have to consider is this: Who would you pull off our Top 10 to make room for those guys? If you're suggesting those five be included on the Top 10 of all time, then you'd be asking us to pull off, at a minimum, the bottom half of our Top 10, a list that reads:  Favre, Manning, Staubach, Young and Unitas.

 

Are you seriously suggesting, for example, that Unitas be pulled to make room for Kenny Stabler? We love the Snake. His 1976 season, at the height of the Dead Ball Era, was a season for the ages. But he's no Johnny Unitas.

 

TROLL: ESPN is starting a "contest" to give the moniker "Titletown" to a city other than Green Bay. Make them stop, please. Please? – Todd G.

 

CHFF: Hey, Todd. We love the fact that our readers often ascribe to us some sort of magical power to bring the mainstream media to its knees. Certainly, we've displayed that kind of power in the past, so the reputation is well-earned. But not sure this is a battle we want to fight. Not because ESPN isn't sky-high on model glue with this deal. Anyone attempting to strip Green Bay of the title of Titletown deserves to die a horrific death, preferably one that includes contracting a gruesome Asian STD from Rosie O'Donnell while being comdemned in their hospital room to reading nothing but Gregg Easterbrook. But, in this case, we checked it out, and it was merely some sort of promotional campaign ESPN was hosting for one of its sponsors. And far be it for us to promote a promotion for which we're not getting paid. We are capitalists, after all.

 

TROLL: It's obvious Arlen Sphincter didn't get the result he wanted from L'affaire "Spy"gate. You guys have run similar campaigns against sports bozos in the past (Ron Borges et. al). Can anyone get this clown to shut up? Or are we doomed to hear his gibberish forevermore??? – Jack Young

 

CHFF: Well, it seems Specter's colleagues in Congress are not buying what he's selling. Nor should they. As we pointed out, Sphincter's (nice name, by the way) devotion to Spygate amounts to nothing less than a dereliction of duty, an event that could damage his otherwise noble career. We'll let him ruin himself. He doesn't need our help.

 

TROLL: In your greatest nicknames article, how about the first two Arizonans to play in the NFL, Carl "Moose" Mulleneaux and Cecil "Brute" Mulleneaux. Moose, by the way, is in the Green Bay Packers HOF. Nice article. – Lance Mulleneaux

 

CHFF: Thanks for the suggestions, Mr. Mulleneaux.

TROLL: Two of my favorite nicknames: Purple People Eaters (pictured here) and Elroy "Crazy Legs" Hirsch. – Todd

 

TROLL: How can you leave out Craig "Ironhead" Hayward? – Andrew Van Hazinga

 

TROLL: I like the sound of Robert 'Big Daddy' Lipscomb. The Orange Crush is a great collective moniker, as is the Greatest Show on Turf. And the Purple People Eaters.

 

I know it's technically crap, but for some reason "Fast" Willie Parker just somehow works as a nickname. I think it's because his name is Willie. You're not going to get a "Fast" John Parker or a "Fast" Albert Parker.

 

How about "One Size" Fitz Hall? That's genius. Wrong form of football I grant you, but still... One Size Fitz Hall. Genius.

 

Jared Lorenzen currently has 3 nicknames to choose from. The Pillsbury Throwboy is the better of the three, but J-Load works and the Hefty Lefty isn't terrible. The Pillsbury Throwboy is definitely the best though. – Neil Saffer, London

 

TROLL: Hey, now I know you guys are good. But #14 Iron Mike Ditka? Come on, all the great work you do comparing eras and you forgot about Iron Mike Michalske 30 years earlier? I'm just teasing, keep up the great work. And since I respect your opinion and subjective lists like these are pretty pointless, it doesn't even matter you didn't find a place for Johnny F*ckin' Blood McNally on there. But I imagine your peerless standards would lead to a correction and the real Iron Mike's appearance. Go get em. – Ryan

 

TROLL: I was too young t see him play, but "Fatso" is still one of my favorite nicknames for the entertaining player in Art Donovan – Kenny Thierer

 

CHFF: Yeah, there were a whole bunch of other nicknames that could have made the list. And, as Ryan pointed out, these lists are completely subjective. Not our normal MO, but a fun topic just the same. Still, if we had to redo the list, the one guy who we eally should have put on it is HOFer Art "Fatso" Donovan, a member of the great, HOFer-laden Colts teams of the late 1950s. Given our own physical condition, and sharing Donovan's own passion for food, he should have been high on any Cold, Hard Football Facts list.

 

TROLL: I enjoy your webpage. I wish there were a boxing and basketball version of your website. – Khalaf Spencer

 

CHFF: We own the domains for Cold, Hard Baseball Facts, Basketball Facts, etc. And, someday, intend to extend the brand into other major sports, so we can dominate analysis there, too. Still a lot left to do in the football world, though, Khalaf, and we'll see how it goes.