10 Things We Learned: Thrilling Week 14 Edition

By Jonathan Comey
Cold, Hard Football Facts Fan of the Man

Ten things we learned from a football Sunday where the great quarterbacks all got it done – and yes, we’re including His Tebowness on that list.

1. If Tim Tebow does happen to lead the Broncos to a title, it will require the greatest playoff run of all time.

When the 2007 Giants shocked the world and won the Super Bowl, they did so with a string of upsets that seemed impossible. They beat the 9-7 Bucs in the first round (not such a big upset), but then beat the 13-3 Cowboys, the 13-3 Packers and the 16-0 Patriots.

That script is more or less what the Broncos will need if Tim Tebow is going to add the ultimate miracle to his Vatican-approved resume.

If Denver makes the playoffs, it will probably be as the No. 4 seed. New England will probably be No. 1 or No. 2, with Baltimore or Pittsburgh the other home-field team and the other at No. 5.

So, the road reads like this: host BAL/PIT, at BAL/PIT/NE, at BAL/PIT/NE, then vs. Green Bay in the Super Bowl. All four teams will be at least 12-4, and the Packers will probably be unbeaten. All four teams have Super Bowl history, experience aplenty, great coaches, great players.

And then there are the Broncos, owners of the worst defense in the NFL a year ago by any measure, a team that started the season with Kyle Orton at QB and were the only sure non-winner in the AFC West, a team that was 1-4 and thinking about the Suck For Luck sweepstakes just two months ago.

There’s never been anything quite like we’ve seen from the Broncos and Tebow, and it’s only Week 14. Imagine the possibilities.

2. Mike McCarthy is the new Belichick.

During the second half of Green Bay’s demolition of Oakland, FOX spent a full minute showing a shot of Mike McCarthy and Aaron Rodgers talking things over during a delay, framed by the backdrop of thousands of green-and-gold Packer fans in the distance.

You couldn’t help realizing that you were looking at the probable repeat Super Bowl champions, and thinking about McCarthy’s legacy. Rodgers has already earned his respect, but McCarthy is still searching for his. Even at 13-0, he’s not the favorite for Coach of the Year, and few fans would be able to pick his low, man’s man voice out of an audio lineup.

But the man who took over a 4-12 team back in 2006 has successfully resided over the transition from Favre to Rodgers – and coaxed Favre’s least gunslinging season out of him, a 2007 masterpiece that almost got the Packers a Super Bowl berth. He’s got a very Belichickian approach, with a dry wit that reveals nothing important about his methods, and his calm shows in Rodgers’ play. Just as Tom Brady seems to have mind-melded with Belichick, so has Rodgers with McCarthy.

Like Belichick, he came out of a small, non-football college (Baker), was a student of the game and not a star of it, and worked his way up, methodically, through the ranks.

The Packers are basically taking Belichick’s exact approach to winning games in the new NFL – i.e., take advantage of the passing rules by riding your superior QB to victory, and to hell with the defensive stats – and doing it better than the Patriots have done.

It’s impressive stuff.

3. Four years after winning it all, Eli Manning is officially elite.

OK, maybe he was elite already.

But it’s worth noting that Manning’s passer rating in the Giants’ fateful 2007 season was an amazingly bad 73.9 … before the playoffs. In fact, that playoff run was
literally the first time he’d strung together four straight good games as a pro.

Since, he’s been moving steadily up the ladder, from good to great. In 2010, the focus was on his 25 interceptions, but the rest of his numbers were fantastic and there was plenty of evidence that receiver error was to blame for the high volume.

But 2011 has truly been his coming out party. For the first time, with an offensive line that can’t block and a defense that can’t cover, Manning has had to carry the Giants by himself – and has. He played very strong football even in the New York losses this year, and the days of “Bad Eli” are officially buried as he nears his 31^st birthday.

The Giants’ win over the star-crossed Cowboys Sunday night will almost certainly lead to an NFC East title, if the Ballsmanship Index means anything. Dallas again played it safe with a lead, and in a virtual dead-heat with the Giants it’ll all come down to Week 17 at the G-Men.

Advantage: Eli.

4. It was a rough week for the rookie QBs.

The rookie QB class of 2011 is looking like it’ll be legendary – and is as good as any in its first season – but Sunday wasn’t so hot.

• Jake Locker: Didn’t even throw the ball into the end zone on the last play of a must-win game for Tennessee. Crippling loss.
• Andy Dalton: Played well (no INTs), but lost a fumble and failed to get the Bengals into the end zone on two long drives that ended in Mike Nugent field goals. Crippling loss.
• Christian Ponder: Replaced, and completely outplayed, by Joe Webb. Nuff said.                                              
• Cam Newton: The Panthers’ pathetic defense was to blame for this one, but Newton’s two interceptions and inaccurate (19 for 39) performance didn’t help.
• Blaine Gabbert: He actually got a win, but threw two interceptions, fumbled twice and was generally a passenger on the Mo-Jo-Do train.

5. Is it too late to call an audible on Carson Palmer?

It was pretty hard to see the Oakland Raiders’ collapse coming.

Sure, they were schizophrenic in their 8-8 season of 2010, but this one was different. They lost Al Davis and started playing with some real guts and guile … then they fell apart. They followed three straight one-score wins against so-so teams with back to back blowout losses to the Dolphins and Packers, and they are now looking up in the standings at the Fightin’ Tebows.

Three weeks ago, we praised the Raiders for the Carson Palmer trade. We’d respectfully like to remove that from our official record. Palmer isn’t the only reason they’re looking like pretenders, but he’s not helping. The last three weeks, he hasn’t topped 76.6 in passer rating, and his season line of nine TDs and 13 INTs looks like the same inconsistent gambler that couldn’t get it done consistently in Cincinnati. And so, the best trade ever gets even better for the Bengals, not that it’s helping them avoid a similar slide from contention. We don’t blame the Raiders for trying to make moves to make the playoffs … clearly they didn’t see the Tebow Factor coming.

The big loser in that deal,  though? The Cleveland Browns. Not only does Cincinnati draft the best rookie QB-WR combo from the same class ever, but now they’re sitting on two first-round picks that will probably be in the teens somewhere. We’d usually say “Even Mike Brown can’t mess that one up,” but after the masterful job he’s done getting the Bengals back on track we’ll pass.

And so, the Bengals should be strong for the next few years, the Ravens and Steelers show no sign of a fade, and the Browns … what do they have going for them again?

6. The apes would never win.

Listen, doesn’t matter whether it’s the original 1960s-70s series of “Planet of the Apes” films, the Tim Burton reboot or the new one that’s coming out on DVD this week (promoted ad nauseam Sunday), the fatal flaw is the same:

Those damn, dirty apes would never take over the world. Beat the humans? Give me a break. Just give us Frankie C., a couple of tanks and some campus cops, and we’ll take down those thick-browed bastards.

Do the apes have the codes to our nukes? Do they have hundreds of armies worldwide? Do they even have a clue how  to fly a bomber? Doubt it. They can barely stop flinging their shit long enough to do what even the goddam ALIENS can’t accomplish.

Apes. F--- them.

7. The 2011 trophy for overall team spunk goes to the Arizona Cardinals.

We were speculating about the future of Ken Whisenhunt just a few weeks ago, but he’s somehow gotten this QB-less squad to 6-7 despite a fairly tough schedule.

Facing a terrible matchup against San Francisco, the Cardinals knew they’d have to pass to win, and did so even after losing Kevin Kolb minutes into the game with an injury. John Skelton got it done, the defense had five sacks and held the Niners to 3-for-17 on third downs, and the Cardiac Cards won another game in the fourth quarter.

Their six wins this year have come by 7, 6, 4, 3, 6 and 2 points.

Can they still make the playoffs? It’ll take winning out and some luck, but with games to go against the Browns and Seahawks at home and Bengals on the road, the possibility is real.

8. If Rob Gronkowski misses the team charter to D.C., the Patriots lose Sunday.

It’d be a little over-simple to say that Gronkowski single-handedly won a game. But on a day when Tom Brady was off his game, Wes Welker dropped passes, a dude with a Kid and Play haircut was playing receiver, and the defense was (shocker!) allowing yards like there was a $100,000 bonus in if for them, Gronkowski made two of the most ri-Gronk-ulous plays of the season.

The first came when he caught a ball near the sideline, plowed through the defender as if he were a rodent, tiptoed along the sidelines like a gazelle, and charged down into the red zone like … well, another big animal.

The second came when Brady threw the equivalent of an alley-oop pass right off the snap, which No. 87 Gronked down the field for another huge gain.
He was off to a hot enough start that CBS went scrambling to see who had the record for yards in a game for a tight end (Shannon Sharpe, 214). In the end, Gronkowski had six catches for 160 yards and two TDs.

It’s worth noting that this Patriots team might have produced the best offensive seasons EVER by both a slot receiver (Wes Welker) and tight end (Gronkowski, 2011). Crazy stuff.

9. Maurice Jones-Drew would be a lot more famous playing for the Los Angeles Jaguars.

Jones-Drew has it all. He’s charming, he’s a little guy at 5-7 (everyone loves little guys), he’s a highlight factory and he’s tough to boot. Not only does he bust the long runs, he takes a huge amount of pounding getting two at a time for a terrible offense.

Oh, but he plays in Jacksonville. And so, we have to watch Justin Tuck shill for Subway instead of the great Jones-Drew.

Even a four-touchdown day in a blowout win wasn’t enough to get M-J-D into the lead of the Sunday recap shows, even though he’s the NFL’s leading rusher (1,222 yards) and one of its most consistent performers. He runs, he catches, he blocks, he’s not allowed to ride the big coasters at the amusement park without an adult.

Move to L.A. already before his little heart gives out!

10. And then there were more things we learned …

Miami’s Defensive Hogs deserved a win. They held the Eagles to a remarkable 1.6 yards a run – yes, with Vick and McCoy in there all game plugging away – and forced five Negative Pass Plays. One of the greatest outings by a front you’ll ever see, and not even remotely enough for a win. … So much for the inevitability of a huge playoff turnover every year. The Steelers, Ravens, Jets, Patriots, Packers, Falcons and Saints were seven of your eight top teams in 2010, and they’re all going to be back in there in 2011. And does anyone outside of Denver think the 2011 champ won’t come from that group? … We can see from the boxscore and associated materials that the Ravens beat the Colts 24-10. But is there any visual confirmation that the game took place? Perhaps they just simulated that one on Madden in the NFL office. And the quest for 0-16 continues. … Chan Gailey is making a bid for the Josh McDaniels Award given to the head man who goes from Coach of the Year candidate to the hot seat in a single year. … The Caleb Hanie jersey retirement ceremony is on hold in Chicago.

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