Dear pigskin “pundits”:

 

Consider this an intervention.

 

On behalf of football fans everywhere, we absolutely, positively do not want to hear about Terrell Owens anymore. 

 

This time we mean it. Maybe in years past, we’ve said it and then reconsidered. But we’re 100-percent sure this time. We’re sick to death of hearing the initials “T.O.” We don’t want to see any more T.O. press conferences. We don’t want to see any more press conferences where you ask Donovan McNabb, Andy Reid or Bill Parcells about T.O.   

 

We never want to see disturbing pictures of him in his full body Under Armour suit again, never want to hear him say the phrase “get your popcorn ready” again and never want to see Ed Werder beaming with pride from Dallas because he’s just filed the latest report about what T.O. ate for lunch that day.

 

We get that he’s an easy story for you. He’s a certifiable nutcase who also happens to be a very good NFL wide receiver. He’s a media wet dream. It actually intrigued us for a few years but it’s gone too far. The constant coverage is ruining our enjoyment of the rest of the football season. 

 

We keep waiting for you to realize that football fans enjoy the games that are played on the field, not the head games that are played in the mind of one insane player returning to face his old team. But it doesn’t seem like you’re ever going to understand that, so we’re spelling it out. 

 

We’re begging you to stop. 

 

That means you, Werder.   

 

Sincerely,

Josh Bacott, Pat Imig and the rest of Pigskin America

 

“You talk about offensive rookie of the year being Laurence Maroney, the defensive rookie of the year obviously, I think, is Bart Scott.” – Tom Jackson, ESPN

 

It’s an amazing feat for Bart Scott to get any attention playing next to Ray Lewis in Baltimore. It would be an even bigger feat if he won the defensive rookie of the year, considering he’s in his fifth year in the league and has started 15 straight games. Seriously, Tom Jackson, someone who is paid to follow professional football for a living, someone who played linebacker in the NFL, said that a five-year veteran was his defensive rookie of the year.  

 

“He can’t do anything about the defense, but his offense has put up 34 points.” – FOX broadcaster Sam Rosen on Mike Martz

Interestingly, the book about Martz’s six years as head coach of the Rams has the same title.

 

“I feel like Philip Rivers is playing the game.” – John Madden

Who said Madden has lost his fastball?

 

"Is the Greatest Show on Turf back?" – FOX personality Curt Menefee on the 4-1 St. Louis Rams

 

The 1999 Rams – the original Greatest Show of Turf – outscored their opponents 536–242 and racked up 6,639 yards. By Week 5, they had an amazing point differential of +123. The 2006 Rams are on pace for 355 points and 5,440 yards. After five games, they have a point differential of +13. There is no comparison between the two.

 

Since Steve McNair was acquired by Baltimore back in June, we’ve heard the same story out of Baltimore: McNair was the missing piece for the Ravens. He was the top-notch quarterback that the team needed to finally put its offense on par with its stellar defense. 

 

Never mind his diminishing statistics the past few seasons or the fact that arguably the worst team in the league, Tennessee, basically shoved him out the door. We were told over and again by the media that he was the anti-Kyle Boller and his presence would make the Ravens fearsome on both sides of the ball.

 

The media snippets were plentiful:

 

“For the first time in years, it appears that the Ravens won't have to depend solely on their defense and running game to win.” – Associated Press

“With McNair in the huddle, however, all things seem possible – including a run deep into the playoffs.” – Len Pasquerelli, ESPN.com

 

“And the Ravens think a proven quarterback like McNair is exactly what they've been missing for a long time.” – Don Banks, SI.com

 

“What we have here right now is the unity we had in 2000 and an offense like we haven’t had here.” – Ray Lewis, quoted in Peter King’s Monday Morning Quarterback after Week 1.

 

“In McNair the Ravens have someone they genuinely believe can take them to the top; someone who can return order to a fractured offense; someone who won't suffer second-guessing every time he throws an incompletion. Or an interception.” – Clark Judge, CBS.sportsline.com

 

The Ravens and their newfound offense were the talk of the league. Now, five weeks into the season, the Ravens sit comfortably at 4-1, and on the surface, things are as good as they’ve been in years. 

 

Except for one thing – their offense still sucks. 

 

What their gaudy win total (which has come at the expense of teams who are a combined 4-13) has managed to mask to this point is that Steve McNair and the resurgent Ravens' offense looks strikingly similar to the one they were so excited to leave in the past. 

 

Through five games, the great, incomparable Steve McNair has statistics that look strikingly similar to the scorn of the Ravens franchise – Kyle Boller. 

 

Here’s how they stack up through five the first five games of the past two seasons:

 

McNair (2006):  93 for 165 (56.4%), 911 yards, 5 TD, 6 INT, 67.0 rating

Boller (2005): 90 for 157 (57.3%), 855 yards, 4 TD, 7 INT, 62.5 rating

 

McNair’s passer rating puts him at 26th in the league, despite having the good fortune of playing his first three games against doormats Tampa Bay, Oakland and Cleveland. Boller had to deal with a turf toe injury, and his first four games were against AFC playoff powers: Indy, Jacksonville, Pittsburgh and Cincy.

 

Conclusion: The Ravens are no better at the quarterback position this year than they were last year. McNair supporters say it will take time to adjust to the offense, but other quarterbacks under new schemes have better numbers (Drew Brees, Marc Bulger, Brad Johnson). 

 

Perhaps McNair just isn't that good anymore. Somebody alert the media.

 

The MVP debate
Sean Salisbury’s list of MVPs continues to expand. Here’s what we’ve heard so far this year:

“(Larry Johnson) is this year’s MVP!” – June

 

“I think he’s (Tom Brady) going to be the MVP of the league this year.” –September

 

 “(Donovan McNabb) right now, along with Rex Grossman, has to be the frontrunner for the MVP.” – Oct. 2

 

 

With each victory for the surprising 2006 Bears, the “pundits” are scrambling to explain how Rex Grossman, a quarterback many questioned going into the season, has become one of the league’s elite passers.

 

Rather than taking the time to analyze Grossman himself to determine what has led to his rapid ascent to the upper echelon, the Mainstream Media would much rather fall back on old faithful … a comparison to Brett Favre. If the kid is good, he must be similar to the media golden boy, right? 

 

And so it has been determined: Rex Grossman has some Brett Favre in him. Rest assured, in an industry where original thinking is viewed as a nuisance, the comparison has already spread like wildfire. During Chicago’s Week 4 win over Seattle, virtually the entire NBC crew perpetuated this comparison.

 

“He’s got a little bit of Brett Favre in him.” – Cris Collinsworth
 
“He has some Brett Favre in him, but he’s a winner.” – Jerome Bettis

“You know what somebody told me earlier this week? Is that he has some Brett Favre in him … I’m not saying he’s Brett Favre, but he does have a little of that in him.” – John Madden

“And that was another Brett Favre thing, wasn’t it?” – Madden

“He seems like a Brett Favre kind of guy.” – Collinsworth

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