I'm a few days late, sure, but blame the Chief Angry Troll – I don't make the damned schedules around here. Didja drink champagne on New Year's Eve? Oh, sorry there, Frenchie. I meant, didja drink "sparkling wine?" Yeah? You did?

 

Tell me something, then. Did it suck? Because I was reading some wine guy here the other day who said that you have to spend a lot to get champagne (really: the French stuff) that's good, so most of the stuff we drink probably actually sucks. Of course, by the time it's midnight, you're spliffed enough that it doesn't matter to you or your wallet anyway. Yippee!

 

That's what I want to riff about this week: spending money on booze and getting your money's worth. Because if you have to spend a lot to get the good stuff, you're either drinking the wrong kind of booze (which you probably always knew about champagne, eh?) or you don't know about some real bargains available. Consider it a public service, because I've got Christmas bills to pay myself (like the $200 I spent on stinky cheese and really big shrimp for appetizers for our Christmas dinner ... and some really stupid stuff, too) and I feel your pain. Just because it's January doesn't mean you should stop drinking. I mean, there are the playoffs to consider.

 

I've already told you about cheap but great rye whiskey and bourbon. When you can get excellent examples of these two for under 20 bucks a bottle, you know you're doing well: Jim Beam Rye, Elijah Craig 12 Year Old, Old Forester, Wild Turkey 101, Old Weller 7 Year Old ... great deals, all of them, and all of them good enough for "sipping whiskey."

 

But if you want to drink well without even spending that much, and display a genuine sense of CHFF style, have I got a beauty for you. I just bought a 1.75 liter bottle of Kessler whiskey today; like Pabst, "it's blended, it's splendid." More to the point, it was under 14 bucks for this big plastic artillery shell o' booze. Is it a sipper? Hell, no, more like a stripper – paint stripper.

 

Knowledge is power, though. Combine the Kessler with an authentic northeast PA recipe I have for a coal-cracker's punch called "Boilo" and you've got a cheap date with some real class. Traditionally, Boilo is made from dirt-cheap blended whiskey like my bottle of Kessler's, or one of the bulk-brand Canadians, spiced up with cloves and a cinnamon stick, and diluted with just enough water and orange juice to make it gulpable. A friend brought some to our Christmas party last year in a Ball jar with a rusty lid: classic Boilo. I'm making a batch right now; I'll give you the recipe. It's down there at the bottom of the page. But be warned: this photo was taken at the Cold, Hard Football Facts Festivus party two weeks ago. It shows what happens if you drink too much Boilo. Warning: this could be you!!

 

Boilo does have its benefits. It's great in a thermos for outdoors drinking or warming you up when you come inside. But when it's time for long-haul drinking, you want beer. I hate the expression "champagne taste on a beer budget" – you can get a lot more beer than you can champagne without opening your wallet up any further. Hell, you can get a case of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale for under $30 almost anywhere in the country, and that's a lot more fun than one $30 bottle of champagne.

 

But with a little luck and some hunter-gatherer know-how, you can take that 30 bucks and be drinking 24 luscious beers with enough cash left over to get a pound of bacon, a dozen eggs, and a loaf of bread ... er, just for instance. That's in case you were having a friend over for a case of beer and breakfast or something.

 

Anyway, what you do is look for your local wised-up regional brewery. These are guys like Yuengling, or Saranac, or Leinenkugel, or The Lion, or Huber, or Schell, or High Falls: old brewers that have gotten hip to the new times. These guys are putting out some seriously good beers for around 20 bucks a case, and there's no good reason why you shouldn't make their acquaintance.

 

Leinenkugel makes a brown joy-juice they call Creamy Dark that's smooth and mellow, with a light chocolate bittersweetness. Schell's Pale Ale has a solid hoppiness that's a pleasure at the price; Huber Bock has kept many a poor Midwestern beer lover happy. Saranac Amber was my first of that line and still a favorite. Yuengling and The Lion have great porters at an unbelievable price. High Falls puts out a seasonal Dundee's Pale Bock that is simply awesome. All for a lot less than most microbrewed beers, and all brewed by local – or at least regional – brewers, who deserve your support just as much, in my book.

 

Yeah, you can also buy a bottle of Smirnoff and some sale orange juice, or go with the Breakfast of Champions, Gordon's Gin and grapefruit juice. But if you want your drinks to taste like drinks, and not mixers, whiskey and beer is where I'll be seeing you. And with the money I've just saved you, yes, I'll understand if you want to buy me a drink.

 

But keep it cheap. We're all in this together.

 

***

My buddy Wayne sent this recipe for Boilo from St. Clair, Penn., in the heart of the Coal Region. He calls it a "warming holiday beverage." But you can also drink it at football games or when you have people over to watch the game. The tradition is to welcome guests with a warm glass of Boilo to warm them up from the cold. It's a beautiful sentiment. Plus it's cheap and tasty.

Put the water, sugar, honey and spices in a pot. Squeeze in all the orange and lemon juice, without getting the seeds in the mix. Bring it to a boil for about five minutes. Remove from the heat. Add the whiskey. Stir well and return to heat. As soon as it comes to a boil, remove it from the heat. Cool overnight then strain into jars (mason jars are perfect). Add the used cinnamon sticks to the jars and seal. Serve warm. It will make you warm but can also kick your ass.