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The girls of Penn State (or, there's a reason they call it Beaver Stadium)
Cold, Hard Football Facts for November 9, 2009
The Cold, Hard Football Facts crew tore through Penn State this weekend like a pack of ravenous dogs freed from a Michael Vick kennel.
The newcomers on the crew realized pretty quickly why they call it Beaver Stadium. Benny the Wop led the way, teaching Frankie C. a few things about the ladies in the process
Benny the Wop is a short balding Italian rapidly entering middle age. But he smoothly talked his way into the hearts of these new Penn State pals with pick-up lines that are sharp and crisp and to the point: "Hey ladies, I'm a millionaire." Benny the Wop does not f*ck around.
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Frankie C., on the other hand, is not quite as smooth as Benny the Wop. This chick laughed at him and did that ghetto side-to-side headshake thing when he dropped one of his old favorites on her: "Hey, sugar, which way to Scoop Street?!" We're paraphrasing, but her response was something like, "I'll tell you how to get to Scoop Street after I kick you in the nuts, scream 'rape' and call the cops, asshole."
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Benny the Wop schooled Frankie C. once again with another gem: "Hey ladies, I'm hung like a Kentucky horse farm stud." Success once again for our favorite Italian and the greatest man ever.
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"We are ... Penn State" is the classic PSU cheer, usually throated alternately by 55,000 people on one side of Beaver Stadium and then 55,000 on the other side. The Chief Troll convinced these very lovely young ladies that it was in the interest of school spirit that they use their homemade t-shirts and firm, supple bodies to form a visual "We are ... Penn State" sandwich.
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The girls were then kind enough to turn around and show us the other side of their, ahem, t-shirts.
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After about 31 swings and misses, Frankie C. finally found a line that worked: "I'll give you 50 bucks if you get in a photo with me." Frankie C. is making progress.
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