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Monday Morning Hangover
Cold, Hard Football Facts for December 1, 2008

NFL games on the rain-soaked East Coast were so sloppy Sunday that they reminded us of Kerry stumbling around like the playground rummy at the big Quincy High School Class of '88 reunion Saturday night.
 
He embarrassed himself in front of old girlfriends, forgot the names of old football buddies, broke out his favorite old break-dancing moves, and wore too much Old Spice. If he had only shot himself, it would have been like a night out on the town with Plaxico Burress.
 
N.Y. Giants 23, Washington 7
Over their illustrious 84-year history, the Giants have won seven league titles, including three Super Bowls.
 
But they had never started a season 11-1 until now. By completing the season sweep of Washington, the G-Men remain undefeated in both their division (4-0) and their conference (8-0).
 
They also are virtually assured of a playoff spot, getting a step closer to defending their championship. In the season following their three previous Super Bowl appearances (wins in XXI and XXV; a loss in XXXV), the Giants always failed to qualify for the playoffs.
 
And, as noted elsewhere Monday, the Giants are also on pace to beat more Quality Opponents in one season than any other team in history. So they certainly haven't backed into their 11-1 record.
 
Cheesy 1980s Song of the Week
If you want to see some of Kerry's 1980s-style reunion dance moves, this is the closest approximation we could find, courtesy the legendary 1980s one-hit wonder, Ollie & Jerry. Do not try these moves at home ... in fact, do not try them as a 250-pound middle-aged man at your high school reunion, either.
 
 
 
Pittsburgh 33, New England 10
The Patriots made so many mistakes Sunday that it reminded us of our SAT results. In particular, Matt Cassel fell back to earth against a team that Tom Brady seemed to shred each year, no matter how good they were.
 
Beyond the dropped passes (two by Randy Moss, including one in the end zone) and the mental mistakes, the Patriots played (or, more likely, were forced into by Pittsburgh) their worst stretch of football in the Bill Belichick Era.
 
Trailing 13-10 halfway through third quarter, the Patriots imploded with five turnovers over the next 17½ minutes:
  • After a Steelers field goal, Patriots returner Matt Slater fumbled a third-quarter kickoff, giving Pittsburgh the ball at the New England 11. Hines Ward caught a TD pass two plays later. Score: Pitt 20, New England 10.
  • On the next play from scrimmage, Matt Cassel was strip-sacked by James Harrison and the Steelers recovered at the New England 29. Jeff Reed kicked a field goal five plays later. Score: Pitt 23, New England 10.
  • On the next drive, Cassel is strip-sacked again by Harrison. The Steelers recover at the Patriots 47. Drive ends with a missed field goal.
  • On the next drive, Cassel is picked off by Troy Polamalu. Steelers take over at their own 34. The drive ends with another Reed field goal. Score: Pitt 26, New England 10
  • On the next drive, Cassel is picked off by Lawrence Timmons. Steelers take over at the New England 1. Gary Russell punches it in for a 1-yard TD. Score: Pitt 33, New England 10.
For those of you keeping score at home, that's five turnovers by New England, and 23 unanswered Pittsburgh points, in the space of 17½ minutes of the second half.
 
Indianapolis 10, Cleveland 6
We dove into some details of Indy's championship-caliber defense in our first round of Week 13 winners & losers Sunday. They needed every ounce of defensive strength to gut out a close win over a bad team on a day when the offense generated just 215 yards and Peyton Manning threw two picks.
 
But we've come to expect plenty of wins out of Tony Dungy's Colts.
 
With a likely win over the terrible Bengals next week, Dungy will improve to 145-78 (.650) as a head coach (including playoffs) and move past George Seifert into the No. 8 spot on the all-time list of winningest NFL coaches.
 
He's easily the winningest active coach, well ahead of Bill Belichick and his record of 149-90 (.623).
 
Denver 34, N.Y. Jets 17
The gunslinger model Brett Favre clearly does not operate as well as the game-manager model Brett Favre. Of course, the same can be said of almost every QB in history, which is why we don't understand why people use the term "game manager" so derisively.
 
You want a game-managing QB. That's his job. Game managers win ... as Favre has shown here in 2008 and throughout his career.
 
In New York's embarrassing loss to the flawed Broncos, Favre attempted more than 40 passes (43) for the second game this year – and lost once again. He threw 42 times in a 48-29 loss to the Chargers back in September.
 
Favre attempted exactly 40 passes against the Chiefs in late October – three of which were picked off, allowing a very bad Kansas City team to remain competitive (Jets won, 28-24). If the opponent were anyone but the Chiefs, Favre would probably be 0-3 this year in games in which he's attempted 40 or more passes.
 
Favre is now 27-48 (.360) over the course of his career in games in which he passes the ball 40 times or more.
 
Remember, folks, being a "game manager" is not a bad thing.
 
Baltimore 34, Cincinnati 3
It's reached the point where a game against Cincinnati means an opportunity to pad your personal stats, and Ravens wideout Mark Clayton is the latest beneficiary.
 
In Sunday's rout, he recorded a career-high 164 receiving yards on five catches, including a 70-yard touchdown from Joe Flacco (whose 280 passing yards were likewise a personal best).
 
Clayton also threw the first TD pass of his four-year career, connecting with fellow receiver Derrick Mason from 32 yards out. Victimizing the Bengals is actually nothing new for Clayton. He has twice posted 8-catch days against them, and in this year's season opener, he scored on a 42-yard reverse for his longest rush as a pro.
 
Carolina 35, Green Bay 31
On a day when his clutch receptions helped deliver a win, Steve Smith lost one of his spots in Carolina's record book.
 
DeAngelo Williams scored a franchise-record four touchdowns – all from 1 yard out – but it was Smith who made the last two of them possible. The Pro Bowl receiver had huge fourth-quarter catches of 36 and 54 yards that twice gave the Panthers a first-and-goal at the 1-yard line. The second one came with under two minutes left, setting up the game-winning TD from Williams.
 
Smith had previously shared the team record for touchdowns in a game, scoring three times on three different occasions (2002, 2005 and 2007).
 
Trend of the Week No. 1: Dominant divisions
NFL history has produced just four divisions in which every team was .500 or better – and all have come since the realignment that created four-team divisions in 2002.
  • AFC East in 2002
  • AFC West in 2002
  • AFC South in 2007
  • NFC East in 2007
However, each division had at least one .500 team in its ranks. This year might mark the first time in history that every team in a division has a winning record.
 
This year, there are three dominant divisions in the NFL in which nobody has a losing record: the AFC East, the NFC East and the NFC South.
 
The smart money would be on the NFC East, of course. As of right now, even the last-place Eagles (6-5-1) are above .500.
 
Miami 16, St. Louis 12
The Dolphins may have produced only one touchdown drive in their 16-12 win over the hapless Rams, but they made it count.
 
Starting on their own 9 yard line, the Dolphins racked up 41 rushing yards on six carries including Ronnie Brown's 3-yard touchdown rush. Miami picked up seven of its 16 first downs for the game on the lone scoring drive, while the 12 plays from scrimmage were just one less than the 13 they ran in the whole third quarter.
 
The entire drive covered 106 yards if you factor in a 15-yard personal foul penalty against Miami.
 
Atlanta 22, San Diego 16
After spending four seasons as LaDainian Tomlinson's understudy, Michael Turner returned to San Diego and not only out gained Tomlinson (120 yards to 24), he outrushed the entire Chargers team by 50 yards.
 
The Falcons are now 6-0 when Turner eclipses 100-yards rushing and 8-1 when Turner gets at least 20 carries.
 
On the other side, Tomlinson has been far from his MVP form of 2006. LT has just 243 rushing yards in his last four games and averages 66.2 YPG this after averaging 95.9 YPG over his first 111 career games.
 
Minnesota 34, Chicago 14
While no one is going to mistake the Vikings offense for the 2007 Patriots or the 1999 Rams, Minnesota's attack is effective when it matters most, late in each half. The Vikings have scored 178 of their 287 points in either the second or fourth quarters.
 
The Vikings continued suit against the Bears scoring 27 of their 34 points in the second and fourth quarters. As you may expect, Adrian Peterson was also at his best during the closing quarters, gaining 90 of his 131 yards.
 
Vikings offense against Chicago:
  • First and third quarters: 6 first downs, 106 total yards, 62 rushing yards, 7 points
  • Second and fourth quarters: 11 first downs, 272 total yards, 116 rushing yards, 27 points
Trend of the Week No. 2: Road warriors
Road teams won 12 of 15 games so far this week.
 
San Francisco 10, Buffalo 3
The Bills followed up one of the most explosive offensive performances in franchise history last week – besting the Chiefs 54-31 – with one of the most futile offensive performances in history (or at least here in 2008).
 
Buffalo racked up 350 yards of offense, to just 195 for San Francisco, but fumbled and bumbled inside the red zone, walking away with just three points on four red zone trips – including two failed efforts in the fourth quarter. Here's how Buffalo's four red-zone trips unfolded:
  • Second quarter – Rian Lindell's 20-yard field goal attempt fails when he hits the upright.
  • Third quarter – Lindell hits a 22 yarder.
  • Fourth quarter – Drive fizzles out at the San Francisco 7 when a J.P. Losman pass to Lee Evans falls incomplete.
  • Fourth quarter – Bills have 2nd and 3 at the San Fran 18, only to lose four yards on the next two plays and then watch as Lindell misses another field goal, this one from 40 yards.
The Bills had one last chance when they took over at their own 19 with 1:47 to play. They lost five yards, turning the ball over on downs. But on a day when they lost by seven, a disastrous stretch in the red zone proved the undoing of a team that led the AFC East with a 5-1 record back in Week 7.
 
Tampa Bay 23, New Orleans 20
The meaninglessness of big-volume passing stats is a constant Cold, Hard Football Facts theme. After all, you have to go all the way back to Johnny Unitas in 1959 to find a passing yardage leader who also won a championship.
 
That trend not going to change here in 2008, either.
 
Saints QB Drew Brees had another big-volume outing against Tampa, attempting 47 passes for 296 yards with two TDs – easily outpacing Tampa QB Jeff Garcia, who completed just 9 of 23 for 119 yards and one score.
 
But it hardly mattered on a day when Brees tossed three picks – all in the second half, and two on the Saints' final two drives of what proved to be a three-point game. Garcia's numbers were humble – but he didn't throw a single pick. And history has shown us, somewhat counter-intuitively, that throwing fewer picks is more important than throwing more touchdowns.
 
Brees remains well on his way to breaking Dan Marino's record 5,084 passing yards (he's on pace for 5,160). But a lot of good it's done New Orleans: the Saints are 6-6 and in last place in the tough NFC South.
 
Factoid off the Week
NFC South teams are 22-2 at home this year.
 
Kansas City 20, Oakland 13
JaMarcus Russell and the Raiders had their most explosive passing day in years last week during their shocking 31-10 win over the Broncos. Russell completed 10 of 11 passes for 152 yards that day for a 13.8 yard-per-attempt average that stands in shape contrast to the typical Raiders day passing the ball – which is what we got again this week.
 
Against one of the worst defenses in football, Russell and the Oakland air attack was at its dismal worst. Oh, sure, he completed 10 passes again this week – but it took 28 attempts to get there, totaling just 132 yards (4.7 YPA).
 
Russell has shown signs of life for a Raiders defense that desperately needs it. But failing to show up against one of the worst defenses in football represents a major step backward for the Raiders and their former No. 1 pick.

If our Hangover is a little later than usual, blame the Chief Troll's 20th HS reunion.

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