Today’s Monday Morning Hangover was pieced together after a weekend drinking so much Beefeater Gin that we woke up this morning with cotton mouth and a Cockney accent.

 

Of course, it could be worse, folks: We could be members of the 3-5 Chargers, forced to fly home 12 hours through eight time zones after suffering a 37-32 loss to the Saints on the other side of the planet.

 

In the NFL’s next brilliant marketing move, the Patriots and Jets will square off in Tokyo next season, instead of the Seahawks and Raiders.

 

Naturally, a little football at Wembley Stadium reminds us – like everything here in 2008 – of 1980s pop music. Oh, sure, normal people might think of Live Aid. But we're reminded of one of the great one-hit wonders of the 1980s: the ultimate Rod Stewart rip-off called the London Quireboys.

 

She’s just a little sweet little thing … but I like the way she dances … who could forget poetry like that?

 

 

The Curse of the Cold, Hard Football Facts continues. We’ve touted Ben Roethlisberger through the years as one of the most productive passers in history. That hasn’t changed. The numbers certainly say he's an elite quarterback.

 

But no sooner had we sized up Big Ben and Eli, declaring the Steelers QB the best of the Class of 2004, that Roethlisberger went out and laid a massive egg at home in a battle of NFL heavyweights. He tied a personal high with four picks, and proved incapable of making the clutch plays which have been his forte.

 

The Steelers were 1 of 10 on third downs, and 0 for 4 on fourth downs, blowing what had been a noble effort by the Pittsburgh defense. The Giants began four drives in Pittsburgh territory, including three straight in the first half, but mustered just two field goals on those four drives.

 

But if there’s an eternal truth in the NFL – a Cold, Hard Football Fact for the ages that will overcome even the greatest defensive effort – it’s that teams lose when they throw four picks in a game. (The Cold, Hard Football Facts interception ladder indicates that a team’s chance of winning declines nearly 20 percent with each pick it throws.)

 

The Steelers are now 1-7 (including playoffs) when Roethlisberger throws three or more picks in a game, and 0-2 when he throws four.

 

Manning, meanwhile, played the clutch-caretaker role he had perfected in the 2007 playoffs. He completed 19 of 32 for 199 yards with 1 TD and … drumroll please, 0 picks. More importantly, he saved his best for late in the game – throwing a 2-yard TD toss to Kevin Boss for the game-winning score with 3:11 to play in the fourth quarter.

 

It was the only TD of the day for the Giants – and the only when they needed on a day when Big Ben was a Big Dud.

 

Stud: Mathias Kiwanuka – The Giants defensive end registered three of his team’s five takedowns of Ben Roethlisberger, while forcing one fumble.

 

Dud: Jeff Garcia – We like the guy. He’s put up some great numbers in his career. But he does have a habit of disappearing in the big games. On a week in which his defense, the best in the league, held the Cowboys to 172 yards of offense, Garcia attempted 43 passes for just 227 yards without a single score – an average of just 5.28 YPA on a day when victory was clearly within Tampa’s grasp.

 

Stud: Brian Westbrook – the Eagles all-purpose Superman returned from injury with 167 yards on 22 carries (7.6 YPA) and 2 rushing TDs. He added 6 catches for 42 yards.

 

Dud: Brett Favre – Yeah, his Jets won Sunday, but beating the Chiefs is never a reason to be satisfied. Favre looks like the pathetic gunslinger of 2005 and is on pace for 25 picks, which would fall just four short of his personal best for the all-time INT leader.

 

Stud: Mike Singletary – Nothing like a little old-school, “I’m the coach and I rule” tirade to send a message to his players. But we're still not sure what message Singletary was sending: Either "I'm in charge" or "I'm as crazy as a loon." In either case, count us in Singletary’s corner the rest of the year – well, after he wins a game or two.

 

Dud: Big Ben – See above. Roethlisberger’s inability to make quick reads – the one obvious flaw in his game – cost Pittsburgh on a day when its defense was heroic. He was sacked five times and threw four picks. Singletary would have benched him.

 

The Patriots proved that “the only numbers that matter are those on the scoreboard.”

 

The Rams bested the Patriots in almost every statistical category.

But St. Louis also “won” in the category of penalties, getting flagged nine times for 63 yards. The Patriots didn’t commit a single penalty on the afternoon, and the hard-earned victory catapulted them back to the top of the standings.

 

The Tom Brady-less Patriots are 5-2, they share the AFC East lead with Buffalo and trail only 6-0 Tennessee within the conference.

 

If you told New England fans in August that they’d lose Brady in Week 1 yet still have a legitimate shot at a first-round bye in the playoffs, there isn’t anyone among them who wouldn’t have been happy with that potential outcome.

 

If you loved Dead Ball Era offense, this was your game.

 

The Cowboys and Bucs combined to dropback to pass 82 times, producing a total of just 316 net yards – that’s a dreadful average of 3.85 Yards Per Pass Attempt (using our adjusted familiar, which includes sacks).

 

They were hardly any better on the ground, combining for 118 yards on 45 attempts – an average of 2.62 yards per attempt. That adds up to 434 yards on 127 offensive snaps – a dreadful average of 3.41 yards per play.

 

More importantly, the Cowboys proved that they're not dead yet, after a dreadful October. Tampa, meanwhile, blew a golden opportunity to prove it belonged among the NFL elite.

It didn’t take long for Mike Singletary to make his presence felt as a NFL head coach … just ask Vernon Davis.

 

Davis may still have a size 11 tennis shoe lodged in a certain body cavity this morning: Singletary booted the tight end off the 49ers sideline after Davis was flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct in the fourth quarter. Singletary then went on a tirade for the ages, calling out the former No. 1 pick in his postgame press conference.

 

The worst part for the 49ers is it took a bold move like this to put Davis’s name in the headlines. The first rounder (2006) has failed to turn his Combine measurables into production on the field. Davis showed promise last year, in his sophomore season, with 52 catches for 509 yards. But this season he's caught 16 passes for 196 yards and no scores (he has just seven TDs in two-and-a-half seasons). His backup, Delanie Walker, a sixth-round pick in the same 2006 draft, has caught seven passes for 126 yards and a score here in 2008.

 

Davis was not the only player to feel like Tony Eason must have felt back in Super Bowl XX. Singletary benched J.T. O’Sullivan at halftime, replacing him with yet another unproductive journeyman in the San Francisco quarterbacking stable, Shaun Hill. 

 

Remember when San Francisco's biggest problem was that it had too many Hall of Fame quarterbacks on the roster? Ahh, the good ol' days.

See the Decline and Fall of the 49ers Empire – the Cold, Hard Football Facts showed before the 2008 season  that the ascension of O’Sullivan to San Francisco’s No. 1 quarterback stood as proof that the once-proud organization had bottomed out. 

Londoners got a much better look at modern American football than they did last year, when the Giants topped the pathetic Dolphins, 13-10, in a rain-soaked snoozer.

 

Credit Drew Brees, who is back on pace to smash Dan Marino’s single-season passing yardage record.

 

Brees boasts six 300-yard passing games this season after throwing for 339 yards against the Chargers in London. He has now thrown for 2563 yards and 15 touchdowns in eight games.

 

Brees is currently on pace for 5126 passing yards still slightly more than Dan Marino’s record of 5084. He is also on pace for 12 300-yard passing performances which would break Rich Gannon’s single season record (10 in 2002).

 

Even more impressive is that Brees has little support in the running game.

 

New Orleans ranked 28th in rushing entering Week 8, with an average of 88.8 YPG. He has also done it without household names at receiver. Marques Colston and Jeremy Shockey have combined to miss eight games with injury … but Brees hasn’t skipped a beat, throwing touchdown passes to seven different receivers.

San Fran's Vernon Davis is hardly the only highly touted young tight end who has failed to help his team. In fact, the Browns might be wise to pull a Mike Singletary and boot Kellen Winslow Jr right out of Cleveland.

 

The Browns are 2-0 when Winslow sits and 1-4 when Winslow plays. They’ve also seen a huge increase in offensive productivity this year without Winslow.

 

Browns with Winslow -- 11.4 PPG, 215.8 YPG, 187.0 pass YPG 

Browns without Winslow -- 29.0 PPG, 390.5 total YPG, 273.0 pass YPG 

You might want to sit down for this shocker.

 

You ready? Are you sure?

 

Here goes:

 

 

Yeah, that’s right. The gunslinger has tossed 11 picks in seven games with the Jets, including three Sunday in the too-close-for-comfort win over the dreadful Herm Squad.

 

Actually, we’re being a little unfair. Favre is not alone in the No. 1 spot. He’s tied with J.T. O’Sullivan for the league lead.

 

O’Sullivan was benched Sunday.

 

To put Favre’s 11 picks in seven games into perspective, consider the case of New England quarterback Matt Cassel.

 

Cassel had never started an NFL game before this season. In fact, he had not started a game since high school. Yet Cassel has managed to muddle his way through his first seven NFL games with just six picks.

 

If there’s a player more valuable to his team than Brian Westbrook is to the Eagles, he must be bionic.

 

The do-everything running back accounted for 209 yards from scrimmage and scored two touchdowns – not too shabby, considering that this was his first game since breaking two ribs in a loss to Washington on Oct. 5.

 

Westbrook’s 167 rushing yards were a personal best, and he eclipsed 200 combined yards for the fourth time in his career. The second score from Westbrook was a vintage 39-yard TD run on the first play after the two-minute warning.

 

It sealed the victory for the Eagles, who are now a perfect 10-0 in games following bye weeks under Andy Reid. Every other member of the NFC East also won on Sunday, however, so 4-3 Philly remains in last place of the league’s toughest division.

 

Check out Dagger and Dillweed at PostgameHeroes.com, who provide some of the most intense statistical analysis of any blog on the web (often focused on the Redskins).

 

We’ve never understood why the holder for field goals and extra points isn’t always a receiver (who should have great hands) or a quarterback (who’s a serious passing threat on fakes and is used to handling the ball).

 

But many NFL teams insist on using a punter in that capacity, and the results can be disastrous.

 

Arizona’s Dirk Johnson performed well in his primary role, booming a pair of 56-yarders among his three punts, one of which pinned the Panthers inside their 10-yard line.

 

As the holder, however, he adversely affected the game’s outcome twice. On a fake field goal shortly before halftime, he failed to throw the ball quickly or with enough authority to Jerame Tuman, who caught the lob pass but was tackled short of the first down. Then, Johnson dropped the snap on a PAT late in the third quarter, keeping Arizona’s lead at 6 instead of 7.

 

Of course, if the Cardinals had attempted and made both kicks, we’re probably talking a game that was 27-27 at the end of regulation.

When longtime Steelers outside linebacker Joey Porter was a free agent in March of 2007, the Dolphins were quick to sign him to a five-year deal worth $32 million.

 

The returns during his first season were disappointing, as he had fewer sacks (5.5) than millions in average annual salary (6.4).

 

But Porter has been a force here in 2008, and his two sacks in Sunday’s win over Buffalo gave him a league-leading 10.5 on the year.

 

Miami held a 20-16 lead midway through the fourth quarter when Porter sacked Trent Edwards for the second time in the game. The hit caused a fumble that was recovered by Bills center Duke Preston, who was tackled in the end zone for a safety.

 

In just seven games, Porter has already matched his single-season career high for sacks, which he achieved with Pittsburgh in both 2000 and 2005.

 

The “let’s grab a lot of young offensive talent” strategy isn’t going over so well in Oakland.

 

JaMarcus Russell – the No. 1 overall pick in the 2007 draft – has shown little to no ability to lift the organization out of its offensive doldrums. Darren McFadden, meanwhile, was the No. 4 overall pick in the 2008 draft and may be on the same path.

 

He showed flashes of competency in Week 2, ripping off 164 yards on 21 carries (7.8 YPA) in Oakland’s 23-8 win over the Chiefs. But considering that people run on the Chiefs as if they were a Depression Era bank, that’s really nothing to hang your hat on.

 

Since then, McFadden has rushed for 42, 20, 30 and 39 yards over the next four games, before sitting out Sunday’s loss to Baltimore with turf toe.

 

But what do you expect from an organization that has watched 11 different quarterbacks take snaps since its appearance in Super Bowl XXXVII.

 

Just when you thought the Bengals might have finally found a team outside of the MAC that they can compete with, along comes a 35-6 loss to a Houston squad that entered the game with just two wins.

 

The worst part? Houston’s most recent win on a very short list was a 28-21 victory last week over the Lions.

 

That’s right, folks: even the Lions are more competitive than the Bengals.

 

Cincy is now 0-8 for the fifth time in the last 30 years. But at least the Queen City has a tough nickname.

 

After six tough losses, the Lions finally broke through Sunday.

 

No, they didn’t beat the Redskins – ha-ha-ha-ha. Don’t make us laugh.

 

But Detroit did lead a game at the end of the first quarter for the first time this season. The Lions were shutout in the first quarter during each of their first six games of 2008. That streak of futility came to an end after Detroit scored with 13 seconds left in the first to take a 7-3 lead.

 

Detroit has now been outscored 57-7 in the opening quarter this season.