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The greatest thing to hit Arizona since ... ever
Cold, Hard Football Facts for January 23, 2008
 By Jonathan Comey
Cold, Hard Football Facts bird watcher
With Super Bowl madness about to descend on Arizona for pro football's greatest game, we got to reflecting on the total lack of great games in the state's history.
The Phoenix/Arizona Cardinals been so poor in their 20 years in the desert that to call them unsuccessful would be a compliment.
In fact, we include the picture of Scarlett Johansson at right just to prove that Cardinals red can actually look good on someone.
In the 20 years since relocating from St. Louis, the Cardinals have won one playoff game. The only time playoff football came to town was when the Cowboys and Steelers met in Super Bowl XXX at Sun Devil Stadium in Tempe. Even that was a disaster: Pittsburgh quarterback Neil O'Donnell turned in such a donkey of a performance that people paid good money to ride it to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.
The Cardinals, for their part, have had a succession of subpar quarterbacks, either too wild and young or too old and beaten. They have had a series of coaches who give it their best shot only to find that they miss wildly.
Without question, Super Bowl XLII will represent the shining moment in the state's pro football history.
David will slay Goliath, or Goliath will go 19-0 an rewrite football history – either scenario a shoo-in for the all-time Arizona football highlight.
It certainly hasn't come from the Cardinals.
Just to highlight the futility that comes with Cardinals red, here's a list of some great and a lot more not-so-great dates in Arizona pro football history.
March 15, 1988: The NFL is coming
Arizona football fans celebrate as the NFL approves the St. Louis Cardinals’ move to Phoenix.
Sept. 12, 1988: Bad omen
On a Monday night, the Phoenix Cardinals play their first game at Sun Devil Stadium. They lose, 17-14, to a Dallas Cowboys team that will finish 3-13.
Dec. 18, 1988: Hope in the desert
The Cardinals close out a season-closing five-game losing streak with a 26-17 loss to Green Bay. But their first season wasn’t so bad at 7-9, and there’s plenty of hope in the desert. Little do the fans know that they are 10 more years away from the playoffs.
Nov. 20, 1989: Who's the boss?
Coach Gene Stallings announces that he is quitting to coach Alabama, and the Cardinals decide to fire him before the announcement is made, thereby establishing that they are the real bosses. Either way, Stallings watches from Tuscaloosa as the 5-6 Cardinals lose their last five games and 29-year-old franchise QB Neil Lomax has to retire because of injury. Three years later Stallings leads Alabama to its first and only national title since the days of Bear Bryant.
January 3, 1990: Even the great Cardinals turn sour
Left tackle Luis Sharpe wins his fourth and final All-Pro nod and can probably claim to be the best player in the franchise's hstory in Arizona. He's sentenced to 2˝ years in prison on a drug charge in 2004.
March 13, 1990: Politically incorrect
Phoenix is promised Super Bowl XXVIII if the state passes Martin Luther King Day as an official holiday; Arizona votes no, the Super Bowl goes to the Rose Bowl instead.
April 22, 1990: A Cardinal gets his ring
Cardinals draft fullback Larry Centers in the fifth round; Centers ends up as the all-time leading pass catcher at the running back position (827 grabs) and triumphantly ends his career with a Super Bowl ring ... in New England.
Dec. 22, 1991: Offensive offense
The Cardinals race out to a 3-2 record and hope blossoms in the desert! Then hope wilts like a Dust Bowl crop as they fail to score 20 points in each of their last 11 games and end the season 4-12.
Nov. 15, 1992: Lesson learned
Arizona voters say yes to Martin Luther King Day; at the next NFL owner’s meeting, they are awarded Super Bowl XXX.
August 15, 1993: The legend of Bill & Pinky
Bill Stevens of Scottsdale turns to his buddy Glen "Pinky" Grinnell and says "You know what, I think this is going to be our year." Pinky agrees and Bill is almost proven correct: the Cardinals end up at 7-9, just two games shy of their best-ever season in the desert. Pinky & Bill later decide to root for the Phoenix Suns exclusively.
Feb 3, 1994: The man for the job!
After seven losing seasons and a name change to the Arizona Cardinals, the team makes a bold stroke – Buddy Ryan, the architect of the famed Bears 46 defense, is hired as the new coach.
Dec. 27, 1995: Or maybe not
The Cardinals finish with a 4-12 record and 30th out of 30 teams in scoring defense. Ryan is fired after two short years of empty promise (joining a long, glorious list of coaches who succeeded elsewhere but failed with the Cardinals ... like Joe Stydahar, Bud Wilkinson and Curly Lambeau).
Jan. 28, 1996: As close as they'll ever get
Dallas beats Pittsburgh, 27-17, in Super Bowl XXX in Phoenix. Two guys in Cardinals jerseys tailgate outside, but don’t have tickets.
April 9, 1996: From one washed up passer to another
The Cardinals sign 35-year-old Boomer Esiason to replace 38-year-old Dave Krieg at quarterback. The lefty QB struggles mightily and misses half the season with injury, and the Cardinals fail to top .500 for the ninth straight season in Arizona.
Dec. 30, 1996: Another Cardinal gets his ring
Defensive end Simeon Rice is Defensive Rookie of the Year after bringing home 12.5 sacks. He registers an impressive 51 sacks in Cardinals red and proudly brings home a Super Bowl ... to Tampa Bay in 2002.
Feb. 15, 1997: He's still a legend in San Francisco
Joe Montana visits the Grand Canyon. He spends one night in the Flagstaff Best Western, eating dinner at a small steakhouse known for falling-off-the-bone ribs. He is not recognized.
Dec. 27, 1998: Triumph!
Jake Plummer passes for 270 yards and Chris Jacke nails a 52-yard field goal as time expires to give the Cardinals a 16-13 home win over San Diego that qualifies them for the postseason at 9-7. It is the single greatest professional football moment for the Cardinals on Arizona soil.
January 2, 1999: Again!
The Cardinals go on the road to upset Dallas 20-7 in the first round of the playoffs, the franchise's first and only postseason win since 1947. They get smoked by the Vikings, 41-21, the following week.
October 22, 2000: He's no Pop Ivy
After a 48-7 loss at Dallas, the Cardinals fire Vince Tobin and hire one of the most obscure coaches in NFL history, Dave McGinness. McGinness, despite a 1-8 record as a fill-in coach, coaches three more full seasons in Arizona and finishes with a 17-40 record, the second best coaching record in Cardinals history (just kidding ... but it feels that way sometimes).
May 2002: Cardinals' No. 1 hero
Cardinals safety Pat Tillman turns down a contract extension and joins the Army. In April of 2004, Tillman is killed in action in Afghanistan, but his spurning of NFL riches for the call of duty wins nearly universal admiration and puts a face to the "war on terror."
March 4, 2003: Plummer's no bum
Plummer, the only Cardinals QB to win a playoff game for the Arizona version of the franchise, signs a seven-year contract with Denver. He leads the Broncos to four straight winning seasons, and three straight postseason apperances, including a meeting against Pittsburgh in the 2005-06 AFC title game.
March 26, 2003: If they only signed him 13 year earlier
All-time leading rusher Emmitt Smith signs a two-year, $7.5 million contract to play for the Cardinals. He rushes for 1,193 yards over two seasons, averages 3.34 yards a carry, and retires.
Oct. 30, 2003: Happy days are here again
Super Bowl XLII is awarded to Arizona, to be played in the state's soon-to-be constructed state-of-the-art-digs in Glendale.
Dec. 24, 2005: Hey, it took Brady seven whole seasons
Arizona beats Philadelphia 27-21 for the Cardinal franchise’s 100th win in the desert … it only took them 17 years.
Aug. 12, 2006: Great name, less thrilling
Cardinals fans christen their new stadium with a preseason contest. And it’s a win! 34-27. The Cardinals don’t fare as well in real games, going 3-5 at home in their first season at their futuristic home and finishing 5-11. The stadium will later be named “University of Phoenix Stadium” after the chain of national semi-colleges that have nothing to do with Phoenix.
December 30, 2007: Team of the decade
The Cardinals beat St. Louis 48-19 to end their first season under coach Ken Whisenhunt at 8-8 – their best finish in a decade.
Which brings us up to date, as Arizona fans prepare for a 2008 that has the Super Bowl as an appetizer, a talented football team with an exciting young coach as the main course, and just maybe, some real highlights to come as a long overdue dessert in the desert.
Good luck, Cardinal fans.
And hang on to those Super Bowl tickets – its been a mere 60 years since the franchise's last NFL championship game appearance. And wouldn't it be nice to watch a meaningul game for once?
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