By Cold, Hard Football Facts contributor Tony Cocco
The Cold, Hard Football Facts are more than just a collection of angry trolls oblivious to the outside world. We're also keen observers of nature. We've had the misfortune in our joyless lives of spending a great deal of time in New York, communicating in grunts and whistles with a most unusual species: the Jets F-A-N fan, fan, fan!
We have determined that few species on God's green earth are as disillusioned and detached from reality as his this primordial, club-footed beast. Besides their obvious physical deformities, they also have limited speech capabilities, as evidenced by their need to spell out monosyllabic words in crowded places and then repeat said word in unison several times. Perhaps this is an effort to develop more advanced human-type speaking skills, kind of like how a monkey can be taught piano through rote memory. This is not a characteristic of all the species that inhabit the New York area. One indigenous creature, the Giants fan, displays a rational sense of self and seems keenly aware of his place on the pecking order of NFL fandom. When the Giants suck, the Giants fan is reserved and gracious toward the competition. The Jets fan knows no such restraint.
Perhaps it's the superior cultural upbringing of Giants fans, and the second-rate status of the Jets even in their hometown. The Giants have an older fan base, greater tradition, richer history of success, and more Super Bowl trophies. The Jets have all the tradition and history of New Coke and Pepsi Clear. They even suffer the indignity of playing in an arena called Giants Stadium.
Jets fans respond to these slights by acting like Tommy D. in "Goodfellas." They have a lot to prove and they want respect. So they talk a lot, and they talk loudly. They gloat gleefully whenever their team wins a few fights against overmatched weaklings like poor Spider, or even knocks off an unsuspecting big shot like Billy Batts from time to time. But eventually, the movie always ends the same way for Jets' fans, like it did for Tommy D. It's gruesome each and every time you watch it. (The new "Goodfellas" DVD, by the way, was released two months ago.)
Coupled with a sparse history of post-merger (1970) success, it creates in Jets fans an irrational sense of blind optimism. Here are some of the obnoxious Tommy D.-style statements we've heard from Jets fans in recent days, and over the course of their inglorious past, followed by the truth from the Capo di Tutti Capi of football fandom, The Cold, Hard Football Facts.
"The Jets have an improved defense this year."
Cold, Hard Football Facts: Jets fans are not the only ones falling for this fallacy. Even the "pundits," who typically share the same capacity for reason, are fawning over the Jets defense and their new defensive coordinator, Donnie Henderson. For example, John Clayton of ESPN.com this week writes that "the Jets have stepped it up on defense" and that Henderson has "done a wonderful job." The truth is that the Jets had a better defense through five games last season, when they gave up just 80 points against better competition. They've given up 89 this year. The big difference for the Jets is their offense, which has scored 120 points through five games this year, compared with just 75 through five games last year.
"Chad Pennington is better than Tom Brady."
Cold, Hard Football Facts: Pennington's a fine young quarterback, and has put up some pretty nifty numbers in his career, highlighted by a 2002 season when he tossed 22 touchdowns with just six interceptions, and posted a passer rating of 104.2. He's off to a pretty good start this year, too. He has just five touchdown passes, but has completed more than 70 percent of his passes and racked up a passer rating of 97.8.
But Pennington has thrown just 42 touchdown passes in his career. He's just 1-1 in the playoffs, playing a great game against Indy (and, of course, outplaying Fraud Peyton Manning) but then struggling in a performance against Oakland (both games in the 2002 playoffs). Only once has Pennington played more than 10 games in a season, and has never completed an entire 16-game regular season. To compare his career to the historically strong body of work compiled by two-time Super Bowl MVP Tom Brady is irrational.
When you think of their respective success in the NFL, simply ask yourself which player is older, Pennington or Brady? We'd understand if you said Brady. After all, it seems like he's been winning Super Bowls since Pennington was in diapers. But, in fact, Pennington is a year older. Both came into the league in 2000.
"The Jets have long been a better franchise than the Patriots."
Cold, Hard Football Facts: The Jets have made the playoffs just eight times in the 34 seasons since the AFL-NFL merger (1981, 82, 85, 86, 91, 98, 01, 02). Only six teams that have been around since 1970 have made the playoffs fewer times. (Detroit, Cincinnati, Atlanta, New Orleans, San Diego, St. Louis/Phoenix/Arizona Cardinals). The Patriots have made the playoffs 11 times.
Since stunning the Colts and winning Super Bowl III (at the end of the 1968 season), the Jets' postseason record is a paltry 5-9, including a loss to Kansas City during the 1969 AFL playoffs, one year before the merger. New England's playoff record since the merger is 12-9.
The Jets have won just two division titles (1998 and 2002) since the AFC East was established in 1970. (There have been 33 division titles up for grabs. No division title was awarded during the 1982 strike season; if one had been, it would have gone to Miami.) The Patriots have won six division titles.
Division rivals Miami and Buffalo, meanwhile, have won 12 and seven division titles, respectively. Baltimore/Indianapolis, which played in the AFC East until 2002, won six division titles.
The Jets have gone as far as the AFC title game just twice in their post-merger history, losing both games on the road, at Miami in 1982 and at Denver in 1998.
"Joe Namath is one of the great quarterbacks in NFL history."
Cold, Hard Football Facts: No one can ever take away New York's 16-7 victory over the Colts in Super Bowl III. In the eyes of many observers, it is at once the single most important game in NFL history and the single greatest upset. Namath deserves to be in the Hall of Fame by virtue of the fact that he assured the world his AFL Jets would beat the NFL juggernaut Colts (who entered the game with just one loss), and then backed it up.
But Namath has the worst career numbers of any Hall-of-Fame quarterback. He actually threw more interceptions (220) than touchdowns (173) and completed just 50 percent of his career passes. He has a career passer rating so low it's hard to believe people actually consider him a great player (65.5), and he threw for a mere 27,663 yards.
Of course, it's symbolic of Jets history that NFL fans under 40 know Broadway Joe only as the stumbling drunk who hit on Suzy Kolber on national TV last year when the Jets hosted the Patriots. Like half the other passes in his career, the one aimed at Kolber fell sadly off target.
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Of course, the irrationality of Jets fans is not a contemporary phenomenon. It began to rare its ugly head 20 years ago, when the Cold, Hard Football Facts labored in New York and had to put up with putrid Jets fan pabulum like this:
"Freeman McNeil is the best running back in the league."
Cold, Hard Football Facts: McNeil was a fine running back in his day, and actually led the NFL in rushing during the strike-shortened 1982 season. But he was constantly injured, and rarely played more than 10 or 11 games in a season. Even a healthy McNeil was in no way the best running back in the NFL during the mid-80's, when the league was ruled by players like Eric Dickerson, Walter Payton, and Marcus Allen.
"Ken O'Brien is the best quarterback in the league."
Cold, Hard Football Facts: Ken O'Brien is one of the forgotten members of the great quarterback Class of 1983. But in his day, Jets fans elevated him to the level of QB classmates Dan Marino and Jim Kelly, who would both be enshrined in the Pro Football Hall of Fame and who were quarterbacks in the same division as O'Brien when this incredible statement was uttered. Phil Simms, an MVP of both the Super Bowl and Pro Bowl during his career, played quarterback for the "other" New York team at the time. And, oh yes, beyond New York and the AFC East, there were guys named Montana, Fouts and Elway also throwing passes for NFL teams during the mighty Ken O'Brien era.
"Lance Mehl is better than any Giants linebacker. He just doesn't get the media attention that Taylor and Carson get."
Cold, Hard Football Facts: Lance Mehl was a very good player in his day, he got plenty of media attention, and he even nabbed seven interceptions and scored a touchdown in 1983. (He's no Carmelengo, Mo Lewis, however.) Lawrence Taylor, meanwhile, is quite possibly the greatest defensive player in NFL history. Harry Carson appeared in nine Pro Bowls during his distinguished career, and probably should be in the Hall of Fame. Taylor is a legend, and Carson is revered among Giants' fans for his spectacular, if underappreciated career. Mehl remains merely a footnote in league, and even in Jets' history
Sadly, our field reports reveal that Jets fans are unlikely to evolve into rational beings anytime soon. It could be worse, however. There is another obnoxious, foul-mouthed beast from New York that often interbreeds with Jets fans. And they've been unable to back their insufferable behavior by pointing to their team's peformances over the years. They're called Yankees fans . However, we've had trouble finding this creature in recent days. But be warned: they may be trying to hide their true colors by posing as Jets fans this week.
