The Cold, Hard Football Facts break out the beakers and bunsen burners to measure the original gravity of the gridiron with our weekly study of NFL statements, along with their equal and opposite misstatements.
Arizona 31, Detroit 21
Statement: God answers prayers of Arizona quarterback Kurt Warner, who throws 3 TD passes despite repeatedly relinquishing duties to back-up Tim Rattay in the red zone.
Misstatement: God mocks Detroit quarterback Jon Kitna, who throws 2 INTs and was hamstrung by an offense that generated -18 yards rushing, fewest for an NFL team since the Truman Administration … early in the Truman Administration (Boston Yanks, 1946).
Atlanta 20, Carolina 13
Statement: Last-minute TD pass by Atlanta QB Joey Harrington ensures first road win for Falcons since Week 14 of 2006.
Misstatement: Last-minute INT by Carolina’s untested rookie QB Matt Moore ensures sixth straight home loss for Panthers, dating back to Week 11 of 2006,
Buffalo 13, Miami 10
Statement: The Bills are outgained by Dolphins, 269-214, but score 11 points in the final 10 minutes; win for fifth time in last six games.
Misstatement: The Dolphins out-possess Bills, 36:59 to 23:01, but blow final chance to score after taking over on their own 45; lose by three points for the fifth time in nine games.
Chicago 17, Oakland 6
Statement: The Monsters of the Midway return! Bears hold Oakland to 154 yards of total offense and 41 net passing yards.
Misstatement: Bring back Sid Luckman! Habitually ineffective Chicago QB Rex Grossman (7 of 14, 142 yards) comes off the bench to replace ineffective Chicago QB Brian Griese (10 of 14, 97 yards) and lead Bears to a victory over ineffective Oakland QB Josh McCown (14 of 27, 108 yards)
Cincinnati 21, Baltimore 7
Statement: Bengals ride franchise-record seven Shayne Graham field goals to victory.
Misstatement: Ravens commit six turnovers against Bengals for second time this season as Baltimore officially joins list of teams who have no shot of beating New England later this year.
Dallas 31, N.Y. Giants 20
Statement: Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, a former undrafted free agent, passes for 4 TDs and 1 INT while improving to 14-5 as an NFL starter.
Misstatement: Giants quarterback Eli Manning, a former No. 1 overall draft pick, passes for 1 TD and 2 INT while falling to 26-22 as an NFL starter.
Denver 27, Kansas City 11
Statement: Unknown Selvin Young replaces injured Travis Henry and rushes for 109 yards; becomes 10th Broncos ball carrier to rush for more than 100 yards in a game in the Mike Shanahan Era (since 1995).
Misstatement: Well-known Priest Homes replaces injured Larry Johnson and rushes for 65 yards; Chiefs fail to produce a 100-yard rusher for 11th time in the 25-game Herm Edwards Era.
Green Bay 34, Minnesota 0
Statement: The 8-1 Packers are officially en fuego, as aging warhorse Brett Favre passes for 351 yards and 3 TDs.
Misstatement: The 3-6 Vikings are officially en hielo, as young stud Adrian Peterson is held to 45 yards and 0 TDs before leaving with knee injury.
Jacksonville 28, Tennessee 13
Statement: Jaguars quarterback Quinn Gray, who passed for career-high 354 yards in loss last week to New Orleans, throws for just 101 yards in winning effort.
Misstatement: Titans QB Vince Young, who’s won four games in which he’s passed for fewer than 100 yards, throws for career-high 257 yards in losing effort.
Philadelphia 33, Washington 25
Statement: Doctors detect a weak playoff pulse in Philadelphia, thanks to 20 fourth-quarter points and one-man wrecking crew Brian Westbrook (183 yards from scrimmage, 3 TDs).
Misstatement: Doctors unable to detect a backbone in Washington, as Redskins allow two Westbrook TDs in the final four minutes and a once-promising season continues to unravel.
Pittsburgh 31, Cleveland 28
Statement: Steelers reassert control in the AFC North by overcoming 21-6 deficit with second-half effort led by Ben Roethlisberger’s two TD passes and 30-yard TD run.
Misstatement: Browns appeared to be closing the gap in the AFC North, but were dominated in every aspect of the game, including total offense (401 to 163), time of possession (38:17 to 21:43), rushing yards (159 to 40) and net passing yards (242 to 123).
St. Louis 37, New Orleans 29
Statement: Lowly 1-8 Rams and the Most Miserable Show on Turf appear content to cede No. 1 draft pick to Dolphins.
Misstatement: Saints pour it on with 22 fourth-quarter points that prove too little, too late – which might be the New Orleans theme song this year – as Saints appear content to cede NFC South title to Tampa Bay.
San Diego 23, Indy 21
Statement: Feisty Chargers defense forces Indy quarterback Peyton Manning to throw a franchise record 6 INTs, while special teams account for two of three San Diego TDs.
Misstatement: Listless Chargers offense can’t get out of its own way, generating just 177 yards of offense and 1 TD, while Indy special teams ace Adam Vinatieri hands win to San Diego by missing two field goals, including 29 yarder in final two minutes.
