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Bonzo's picks: Three cheers for our chimp
November 4, 2007
 While Bonzo the Idiot Monkey didn't do as well as your Cold, Hard Football Facts last week, he extended his season lead on the "experts" from CBSSports.com ... and the world at large.
Bonzo went 7-6 with his random coin flips last week (he hasn't been under .500 once in eight weeks), leaving his season record at 69-46 (.600) -- a four-game advantage over CBSSports leader Pete Prisco (65-50).
We trolled around the internet looking at other vs.-the-spread prognosticators outside of our friends at CBSsports.com, and the results were unanimous: Bonzo is the No. 1 free handicapper in the world.
No, it's true. Here's our list, which we're sure isn't comprehensive but gives you an idea just how incredible Bonzo has been. (The number of games with each picker is different, thanks to different spreads and God knows what, but no one can come close to Bonzo's .600 winning percentage.
- Kevin Hench, FoxSports.com 53-56
- Eric Horowitz, SI.com, 58-49
- Greg Cote, Miami Herald, 61-48
- St. Paul Pioneer Press, 60-49
- Jeff Schultz, Atlanta Journal Constitution, 41-46
- Jim McCabe, Boston Globe, 53-56
- Mike Finger, San Antonio Express-News, 48-60
- Jeffrey Flanagan, Kansas City Star, 63-49
- Mike O'Hara, Detroit News, 53-55
- Rob Parker, Detroit News, 39-69
- Terry Foster, Detroit News, 42-66
- Bob Wojnowski, Detroit News, 53-55
- Sheil Kapadia, baltimoresun.com, 50-56
- John Schaefer, aol.com, 56-51
- Chris Palochko, PA Sports ticker, 12-24
- Brian VanOchten, Grand Rapids Press, 53-54
- Jim Poore, scout.com, 42-67
- Jeff Zilgitt, USA Today, 51-54
- David Schexnaydre Jr. nola.com, 42-59
- Joe Reedy, Cincinnati Enquirer, 60-48
If anyone out there in football land knows of anyone better than Bonzo at picking NFL games against the spread this year, we'd like to hear from them.
As for Bonzo, well, we haven't really been telling him how well he's been doing. He gets very emotional, and threatened to move to Las Vegas last week. So we told him, using our "Monkey Translator 3000" software, that he went 3-10 last week.
This might have been a mistake, as Bonzo's been quite sad all week. He made his picks on a rainy Friday afternoon, but refused to look us in the eye and didn't even fling his crap at us like he usually does.
Oh well. It might be slightly cruel (we're expecting a letter from PETA any day now), but it's all for you, the faithful reader.
Bonzo likes underdogs in all but three games this week, and picks the Colts to cover at home against the Patriots in the big game.
On to Bonzo's Week 9 picks!
San Francisco at Atlanta (-2.5): SF
Cincinnati at Buffalo (-1): CIN
Denver at Detroit (-2.5): DEN
Green Bay at Kansas City (-2.5): GB
San Diego (-7.5) at Minnesota: MIN
Jacksonville at New Orleans (-3.5): JAX
Washington (-3.5) at New York Jets: NYJ
Arizona at Tampa Bay (-3.5): TAM
Carolina at Tennessee (-4.5): CAR
Seattle at Cleveland (-1): CLE
New England (-5.5) at Indianapolis: IND
Houston at Oakland (-2.5): OAK
Dallas (-2.5) at Philadelphia: PHI
Baltimore at Pittsburgh (-8.5): BAL
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