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Bonzo is found ... and on fire!
October 14, 2007
 By Jonathan ComeyCold, Hard Football Facts monkey tracker
Bonzo's back!
As we mentioned last week, our amazing coin-flipping prognosticating monkey disappeared shortly after making his random Week 5 selections. We feared the worst, as he took two handles of bourbon and a carton of Merit 100s with him.
But after going an incredible 11-3 vs. the spread last week, Bonzo knew he couldn't just blow his CHFF family off. And so he returned Thursday morning. We immediately hooked Bonzo up to the Monkey Translator 3000 to see what he'd been up to. The transcript:
"Bonzo run fast. Bonzo poop in ocean. Bonzo lung hurt from smoke. Bonzo can't believe Bills choked! But at least cover. Bonzo miss Trolls! Bonzo come back. Sex with Bonzo?"
Oh, that loveable simian bastard.
Once we got him re-settled, Bonzo was adamant in wanting to make his Week 6 picks even more special.
Frankly, we don't know how much better he could possible be. Bonzo, just by randomly picking winners by coin flip, is now 49-26 against the spread this year -- a 65.3 percent winning percentage that is definitely good enough for hum to start wearing expensive suits and talking to rich Saudi clients about his locks of the week. He's been over .500 every week of the season, which makes him a true model of random consistency.
The guys at CBSSports.com are actually doing pretty well -- Clark Judge is only two games behind Bonzo at 47-28, and Pete Prisco three games out at 46-29. But they're no match for a monkey.
Here are Bonzo's sure-to-be-winning Week 6 picks, with his thoughts on the games courtesy of the Monkey Translator 3000 software.
Bonzo rules! His picks:
St. Louis at Balitmore (-9.5) STL
Bonzo's thoughts: Bonzo like ram ... too many point ... Ray van oh no good
Minnesota at Chicago (-5.5) MIN
Bonzo's thoughts: Bonzo no like greasy ... bears don't scare Bonzo ... Bonzo punch!
Miami at Cleveland (-4.5) MIA
Bonzo's thoughts: Pretty fish! ... brown ugly ... Bonzo hungry!
Washington at Green Bay (-3.5) WAS
Bonzo's thoughts: Lamb bo? Skin still win ... Bonzo want burr bun
Houston at Jacksonville (-6.5) JAX
Bonzo's thoughts: Tex men slay by jaguar ... fangs scare Bonzo!
Cincinnati at Kansas City (-2.5) KC
Bonzo's thoughts: Arrow heads special ... Palm her? ... Bonzo like steaks
Philadelphia (-2.5) at New York Jets NYJ
Bonzo's thoughts: Man genie bounce back ... Eagle cheat too? ... Bonzo take nap
Tennessee at Tampa Bay (-2.5) TB
Bonzo's thoughts: Young lose to bucks ... Bonzo want to escape again
Carolina at Arizona (-3.5) AZ
Bonzo's thoughts: Pretty birds ... fly away ... no let panther eat!
New England (-4.5) at Dallas DAL
Bonzo's thoughts: Cow boy win ... bell I check no happy ... Bonzo watch!
Oakland at San Diego (-9.5) SD
Bonzo's throughts: Charge! ... Bonzo like pretty colors .... Bonzo sleepy
New Orleans at Seattle (-6.5) SEA
Bonzo's thoughts: Saint suck ... See hawk win west? .... Bonzo like ay, ef, cee
Monday: Giants (-3.5) at Atlanta ATL
Bonzo's thoughts: Bonzo hope baseball on.
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