Cold, Hard Football Facts.com: The "F--- You" Games

By Jonathan Comey

Cold, Hard Football Facts tomato juicer

The 2007 NFL season thus far has been dominated by a phenomenon that would be right up the alley of Quentin Tarantino.

The movie director loves bringing dramatic tales of revenge and come-uppance to the big screen, and through four weeks the NFL has provided plenty of these subplots.

Being crass, we call these the “F--- You Games,” contests where teams or players have brought some very obvious anger and focus to the field and gained sweet, sweet revenge.

We’re not sure what has led to so much bad blood this year. Perhaps it’s just a product of player movement and quirky scheduling, but it’s led to a lot of fascinating passion-plays that Tarantino could have a field-day with.

“Pulp Football,” anyone?

(Cue surf music and vintage 70s kung-fu graphics) …

Week 1, Randy Moss to NFL: F--- You!

Randy Moss was a problem. Randy Moss was banged up. Randy Moss lost a step. Randy Moss was no longer one of the NFL’s elite. Randy Moss might not even play in the season opener. Oops! Moss, in his first game with the New England Patriots, caught all nine balls thrown to him for 183 yards in a 38-14 win over the Jets. The game (and the two that followed) reminded the league that he had really only had one down season as pro, and it came in 2006 while playing for one of the most inept franchises in sports. With this one bad season, he was written off, worth only a fourth-round pick in trade. Fine with him. He went about his business quietly and got his revenge on the field. All he needed was a samurai sword and a cool soundtrack to be Tarantino’s next action hero.

Week 2, Bill Belichick and the Patriots to LaDainian Tomlinson and the world at-large: F--- You!

This was a two-part epic. First, the Patriots silenced the “Videogate” critics by rallying around their coach for a 38-14 win over San Diego that was just about flawless. The team showed their love for Belichick (and their feelings about the unhinged nature of the media at large) by kicking ass on the field and showering the coach with hugs afterward. As a bonus, they silenced LaDainian “Classy” Tomlinson, who had been sniping at the Patriots on and off for six months since San Diego lost to New England in the playoffs.

Week 3, Donovan McNabb to Eagles fans and society in general: F--- You!

Speaking out in an interview released mid-week about what he felt was unfair treatment of black QBs, and with an 0-2 record – and saddled with the nauseating Team Sweden uniforms – he went and hung 56 points on the Detroit Lions in front of the Philly faithful. McNabb finished with Madden 2k8 numbers: 21-26 for 381 yards and 4 TDs. And in a pleasing show of racial unity, his main target was white WR Kevin Curtis (221 yards). Those aren’t boos you’re hearing, they’re “ooooooohs.” O.K., it all fell apart in last-night's 12-sack debacle of a 16-3 loss to the Giants. But for one week, McNabb had the world bent over a chair with a ball gag in its mouth.

Week 3, Brett Favre to Cold, Hard Football Facts: F--- You!

OK, we did pick the Packers to win their Week 3 tilt with San Diego, but that’s besides the point. We’ve been calling Favre “Old Yeller” for two years (and for good reason), but he’s showing that with a little talent and some firm coaching he’s more like “Air Bud.” In Week 3, he silenced any doubters, tied the all-time TD pass record, and almost single-handedly beat the Chargers (45 attempts, 369 yards, 0 INT) in a game where the Packers ran 11 times but won, 31-24. Who let the dogs out?

Week 4, Joey Harrington and the Falcons to Matt Schaub: F--- You!

The Falcons have had as bad an offseason as you’re going to find, trading backup Schaub to the Texans then realizing with mounting horror that Michael Vick was going to the dogs in a big way. Then they had to watch Schaub and the Texans jump out to a hot start while they went 0-3. What a steal for Houston! But when Schaub returned to Atlanta (another pleasant scheduling quirk), Harrington improved his passer rating to 98.2 (still behind Schaub’s 101.2) and the Falcons won their first game. And for good measure, guard Justin Blalock – the guy Atlanta got in the draft with the second-rounder acquired from Houston – started at left guard for the Falcons, who controlled the clock for 34:12.

Week 4, Daunte Culpepper to the Dolphins: F--- You!

No one took as much delight in their revenge as Culpepper. Miami handled their free-agent QB about as poorly as possible, pushing his surgically-repaired knee too hard in camp, shutting him down after four so-so weeks, and then publicly searching for his replacement. When they had to escort him off the field in 2007 workouts, it was a hell of an embarrassment to Culpepper, who just wanted a chance to compete. He wound up in Oakland, circled AT MIAMI on the schedule, and had a hand in five touchdowns to send Miami to 0-4. With the last, a rub-it-in rushing score with seconds left, he pointed to his once-injured knee, taunted the crowd and danced the “F--- You Dance” of the victors in the Miami end zone.

Week 4, Ken Whisenhunt/Russ Grimm to the Steelers: F--- You!

The Steelers had three candidates to replace Bill Cowher as head coach: assistants Ken Whisenhunt and Russ Grimm, and outsider Mike Tomlin. They chose Tomlin, and Whisenhunt and Grimm went to the gridiron gulag of Arizona. But when coach Tomlin brought his shiny 3-0 Steelers to the desert, Whisenhunt and Grimm out-Steelered the Steelers in a 21-14 win, holding Pittsburgh’s running game to 77 yards on 23 carries and generally showing the Rooney family what they were missing.

STILL SPECIAL (IN ONE AREA AT LEAST)

When the Chicago Bears made the Super Bowl in 2006, they seemed to win with one dominant unit each week. Sometimes it was the offense (in several blowout wins). Sometimes it was the defense. Sometimes it was the special teams.

In 2007, the offense and defense have gone bye-bye, but man those special teams have still been special.

In addition to Devin Hester’s two return scores, the Bears have blocked five field goals or extra points (yes, five). They have held kick returners to a subpar 19.6 average and punt returners to 39 return yards on 15 total punts. And kicker Robbie Gould is 6-for-6 from under 50 yards.

ALL TIED UP

Look out, world, here comes the NFC! Through four weeks, the NFC and AFC are all knotted up at eight wins apiece. The NFC got even this week with two notable upsets, Arizona over Pittsburgh and Atlanta over Houston. Add it to Seattle’s win over Cincy and Green Bay’s handling of San Diego in Week 3, and the NFC has something to build on.

Both conferences have two unbeatens to boast about. But while the AFC West is being led by the 2-2 Broncos, all the division leaders in the NFC have winning records. In fact, the NFC has more winning teams (six) than the AFC (five).

The battle is on ... in October, at least.

ROOKIE RECEIVERS: NOT TOTALLY TERRIBLE

The 2007 rookie class of blue-chip receivers is thus far exceeding the low expectations set by their predecessors. Dwayne Bowe of Kansas City became the latest rookie wideout to have a big game, finishing with 164 yards and a TD in the win over San Diego.

Detroit's Calvin Johnson was looking legit before getting injured (10 catches, 189), and Craig Davis of San Diego, James Jones of Green Bay and Sidney Rice of Minnesota are all making impacts on their new teams as starters or frequent targets.

STOPPING THE RUN IS MEANINGLESS

The Vikings-Packers game Sunday was the ultimate test of the true importance of the running game in the NFL. Green Bay came in to Minnesota with the most pathetic run game imaginable, averaging less than 20 carries per game and 2.8 yards per tote.

And then there was Minnesota, which was allowing a awesome 2.5 yards per carry.

Clearly, the Packers wouldn’t be able to run, so the Vikings could just key on Brett Favre and shut down the pass. Right? Wrong. The Packers still ran like they were stuck in tall grass (20 carries, 46 yards), but Favre passed for 344 turnover-free yards and Green Bay led from start to finish.