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Bonzo's picks: This monkey knows his s---
Cold, Hard Football Facts for September 22, 2007
By Jonathan Comey
Cold, Hard Football Facts monkey shiner
 Bonzo the Idiot Monkey continues to make the football "pundits" look like a bunch of bone-throwing poo-flingers.
Of the CBS Sports.com "experts," Pete Prisco is hanging in there with Bonzo at 20-11, but the rest of them are staring up at his bare red ass.
Bonzo's ass, not Prisco's.
Rounding out their panel, Clark Judge is 18-13, Ron Davis is 16-15, Mike Harmon is 13-18 and fantasy geek Dave Richard is 11-20. And their response to Bonzo, SPiN (random picks) is 15-16. They can't even flip a coin as well as we can.
When we tried to speak with Bonzo, using our expensive "Monkey Translator 3000" software, the big lug seemed to be making no sense. Here's the translation of his comments:
Come, Mr. Tally Mon, tally me banana ... daylight come and he want go home ... it's six foot, seven foot, eight foot, BUNCH! ... daylight come and he want go home.
Pure nonsense.
On to Bonzo's picks (and his thought process for each game, courtesy of the Monkey Translator).
SUNDAY
Arizona at Baltimore (-7.5) BAL
Bonzo’s thoughts: What Willis talk about? … Bonzo eat kitten …
Carolina (-3.5) at Atlanta CAR
Bonzo’s thoughts: Daylight come … Bonzo want go home …
San Diego (-4.5) at Green Bay SD
Bonzo’s thoughts: No lamb bow leap … charge … mar tee?
Indianapolis (-5.5) at Houston HOU
Bonzo’s thoughts: Ass throw dome close? … in D lose ... Bonzo want watch ...
Minnesota at Kansas City (-2.5) KC
Bonzo’s thoughts: John’s son run … who vie king cue bee? … Bonzo feel sleepy …
Buffalo at New England (-15.5) NE
Bonzo’s thoughts: Bill kill … pat rat … Bonzo like blood …
Detroit at Philadelphia (-5.5) DET
Bonzo’s thoughts: Mick nab booze … Lion roar! … Bonzo scared …
San Francisco at Pittsburgh (-8.5) PIT
Bonzo’s thoughts: Park her … ruthless burger … steal win
St. Louis at Tampa Bay (-3.5) TB
Bonzo’s thoughts: Crude den back on track … Bonzo find remote …
Jacksonville (+3.5) at Denver JAX
Bonzo’s thoughts: Bonzo scared of jaguar … slice to ribbons ... Bonzo pee self
Cleveland at Oakland (-2.5) OAK
Bonzo’s thoughts: Just win baby … brown fall down … escape?
Cincinnati at Seattle (-3.5) CIN
Bonzo’s thoughts: Sin see … space needle? … ugly you informs …
New York Giants at Washington (-3.5) WAS
Bonzo’s thoughts: These team again? … Bonzo seen enough … Bonzo kill
Dallas at Chicago (-2.5) DAL
Bonzo’s thoughts: Bonzo excited ... wade and lovey? … mad den say boom!
MONDAY
Tennessee at New Orleans (-4.5) TEN
Bonzo’s thoughts: Saints no march … tie ten terrific … who dat?
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