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Sunday 'Stravaganza: It's Week 2, people!
Cold, Hard Football Facts for September 16, 2007
By Jonathan Comey
Cold, Hard Football Facts man of inaction
 Well, it's Sunday, Week 2 of the NFL season, and we've already told the inhabitants of our liquor cabinet that today is a good day to die.
Are we ready for some football? Hell, yes!
Despite the fact that our eyes are still flickering from 18 hours of college football yesterday, it seems like the time in between games gets longer and longer these days, and the ceaseless, pointless yapping of the "pundits" gets louder and louder. (Note the firestorm this week over stealing signals, an act that's NOT prohibited by the NFL.)
Here at the Cold, Hard Football Facts, we just stick our head in the sands of truth and wait for things to get settled on the field.
Our Sunday Clearance Sale notebook will be a staple this season, just as the Sunday NFL notebook probably is in your local newspaper. (Or maybe not, we'll see how we hold up ... scheduling and reliability are not our strengths.)
Of course, it's not as easy to take our Sunday notes into the bathroom with you for a long, luxurious cleansing (you'd have to press that pesky print button and all, and then go over and get the copy ... and that involves effort). However, we have our good points too – for example, you can't magically click on your newspaper and get links to a cigarette-smoking monkey.
Take that, print bastards!
Good luck, and good football.
Where the hell is the vermouth?
TO QUINN, OR NOT TO QUINN
The Browns remedied a terrible situation in mid-week when they dealt Charlie Frye to Seattle and re-signed Ken Dorsey to be a veteran presence. If we had emotions, we'd feel bad for Frye, who goes from starter in Cleveland to distant No. 3 in Seattle.
The Brady Quinn cry, already pretty loud in Cleveland, will be deafening unless Derek Anderson does a decent job. This is unlikely, given Anderson's career 63.9 passer rating, so the question should be asked: are the Browns helping Quinn or hurting him by throwing him to the wolves?
With no veteran presence to hold the fort, the Browns will have to play Quinn sooner than later. It's happened to every first-round quarterback who went to a QB-less team for the past decade-and-a-half. Kinda why they drafted him in the first place.
The examples of Carson Palmer, Steve McNair, Chad Pennington and Daunte Culpepper are cited as success stories for waiting, but each got drafted in cities with good QBs already in place – Palmer had Jon Kitna in Cincinnati, McNair had Chris Chandler in Houston, Culpepper had Randall Cunningham and Jeff George in Minnesota, Pennington had Vinny Testaverde in New York.
So, they had the luxury of waiting, and it paid off. The Packers are still waiting to see if former No. 1 pick Aaron Rodgers, now in his 17th NFL season, will pay off.
But the Browns? They need to find out what they have. The good news is that letting your QB take his lumps (which has happened to every rookie except Ben Roethlisberger in Pittsburgh) starts the evaluation process.
The Chargers put Ryan Leaf in the lineup by October, and knew a couple of years later he wasn't the man. Same went for guys like Andre Ware, Heath Shuler and Kyle Boller.
On the other end of the spectrum, the Colts put Peyton Manning in from the get-go, and by Year 2 he was a Pro Bowler. Troy Aikman, Drew Bledsoe and Donovan McNabb did the same. All struggled during their first years, but by the middle of year two you could more or less see which way the tide was turning.
Aikman's now in the HOF. Bledsoe's an all-time leaders in numerous passing categories. And McNabb has made the Eagles perennial contenders.
So there's evidence for each argument.
Brady Quinn isn't going to win games for the Browns this year, and he's probably not going to put up good numbers, either. But leaving him on the bench isn't an option, so expect that they'll come to that conclusion within the month.
And if Cleveland coach Romeo Crennel doesn't want to use Quinn, Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis – and NBC sports, for that matter – would love to have him back. Emergency fifth-year exemption anyone?
IT COULD BE WORSE FOR QUINN ...
... he could be young Demetrius Jones, Quinn's replacement as Notre Dame's starting quarterback in their 2007 opening day embarrassment, a 33-3 home loss to Georgia Tech on Sept. 1.
Irish coach Charlie Weis refused to publicly announce his No. 1 QB throughout the off-season. But there, in the first game, Jones trotted out to lead the offense, the heir to what has been, historically, the most storied position in college football (Horseman Harry Stuhldreher, Heisman winners Angelo Bertelli, Johnny Lujack, John Huarte and Golden Boy Paul Hornung, Heisman runner-up Joe Theismann and comeback legend Joe Montana).
Within minutes his dreams were over. Jones was benched in the first half of the first game, embarrassed at home in his quarterbacking debut. The Irish played two more QBs that day, including freshman phenom Jimmy Clausen, who is now more or less entrenched as Notre Dame's starter.
But little has changed since Jones became the fall guy for the Irish. Notre Dame is three games into the season and, after yesterday's crushing 38-0 loss to previously winless and defenseless Michigan, has yet to score a single offensive touchdown. They've lost five straight going back to the 2006 season. And, clearly, their problems extend beyond the quarterbacking situation.
How bad is the Irish offense?
They have -14 yards rushing for the entire season, on 100 attempts. That's -0.14 YPA for those of you keeping score at home. (Remember, in college football, sacks count as rush attempts ... and 162 yards in losses are attributed to QBs Clausen and Evan Sharpley. Still, not good no matter how you divvy up the math.)
So where does this leave the embarrassed Jones, Notre Dame's Week 1 starter and original fall guy?
At Northern Illinois.
He apparently transferred on Wednesday, and Weis was notified as the team boarded the bus Friday for the road trip to Michigan.
The true irony?
Jones remains the team's third leading rusher. He picked up 28 yards on 12 attempts in the first half of the first game, before getting pulled.
The Notre Dame offense this year has more lemons in the line-up than a used-car parking lot. Somehow, Quinn made the sweetest lemonade in that same offense. Maybe he's better than the NFL thought he was on Draft Day.
AWESOME NFL BROADCAST MAPS
These are some of the coolest things on the Web, at least for map geeks and football junkies. We published them earlier this week (as we do each week of the NFL season) but figured we'd follow up here with the links. If you ever wondered what gmae Cooter and Cousin Daisy is watching down in Hazzard County, Georgia each Sunday, these maps will let you know.
SUNDAY STAT PACK
Some of our best Cold, Hard Football Facts of the past week ...
- The Colts are 15-1 in their last 16 games and have outscored opponents 456-238.
- Of the 135 permanent captains elected by their teams, there were only two tight ends and two offensive tackles.
- Only six Super Bowl winners started their season 0-1.
- Randy Moss’ 183 receiving yards Sunday were the most by one receiver in the Tom Brady Era (Troy Brown, 176 yards in 2002).
- Moss' average of .738 TDs per game in his career (102 TDs in 139 games) is second all time, behind only Don Hutson (0.853 TDs per game).
- Quarterback Matt Hasselbeck is 23-9 over his last 32 regular season starts – a game better than NE's Tom Brady (22-10).
- Indy TE Dallas Clark has hauled in 27 passes for 421 yards in six games since returning from an injury in the final week of the 2006 regular season; this would project to 72 catches for 1,123 yards over a full season.
- The Jaguars have lost six straight close games (seven points or less) dating back to October 2006.
- If the Texans win at Carolina today, they will be 2-0 for the first time in franchise history.
- The six wide receivers picked in the first round of the 2007 draft combined for nine catches in Week 1.
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The Falcons were held to 96 yards rushing by Minnesota; only once in 2006 did Atlanta fail to top the 100-yard rushing mark in a game.
Pittsburgh has a way with opening day – the Steelers have won five straight season openers, four of them by 10 points or more.
BEST AND WORST OF CAMERAGATE 2007
Some highlights, from both sides (including the graphic commentary by prolific producer of images and Arizona smart-ass Cardlogic at right):
"Belichick is a cheater. Most fans of other teams are pissed off, and rightfully so. He was using illegal methods to steal signs which was used as a competitive advantage. Granted the Pats are/were a good team and they could have won a lot of games without cheating, but how many did they win because of it?" – the man
"I can't really think of any situation that should warrant the seizure of a first round draft pick." – Shards of Glass
"Well at least the whole "everyone is against us" schtick is in play again for the Patriots. I'm over it and ready for Sunday night." – catfist
"Wait? What? The Patriots cheated? What do you mean?" – jluce
"The NFL Network has probably done more than anyone to tarnish Bill's reputation, with Rod Woodson saying they should be banned from the playoffs, or have multiple years of draft picks stripped. You would think the mouth piece of the league itself would be the voice of reason, or at least have passing familiarity with the limitations of the office of NFL Commissioner." – elyasm
"Wonder what the penalty should have been for the Broncos deliberately chop blocking from behind? Seems a helluva lot worse than taping what everyone in the league is trying to steal." – mac66
"I put the odds of Kraft firing Belichick around the same as the odds of Arizona winning the Super Bowl anytime soon." – Warhawk
"The incident will be in the past and forgotten by Week 3 or 4, and mercifully, all of these 'he said/she said' accusation stories will have stopped being written, run out of momentum, or both." – hardright
"It's not whether they gained a statistical advantage, the question is whether they broke the rules. They broke the rules, got caught and now are going to pay the price." – ThomerR9S78
You go, Vern. Now that this long, national nightmare is over we can all get back to fighting the terrorists and finding Nicole Simpson's real killer.
LAST WORD GOES TO FITZY
This guy is a stand-up comedian out of the Boston area. He does these hilarious (and very Not Safe for Work) takes on the Red Sox and Patriots, complete with the horrible Boston accent. He not only takes on the Belichick situation, he mocks the recent " Leave Britney Alone" YouTube classic. Sadly, this reaction is probably not too far off the mark for some Patriots fans. Check out his website, TownieNews.com.
JOIN THE PARTY (PAR-TAY, IF YOU PREFER)
or just shout out the window at us real loud and we'll shout something about football back at you.
CORRECTION
In our Friday Beer Run picks, we had the Miami Dolphins as a 3½-point favorite over the visiting Dallas Cowboys, a spread that struck us as odd. It was odd because it wasn't true – Dallas is the favorite.
ON THE CHFF MENU FOR WEEK 2
The Cold, Hard Football Facts crew whipped up a double batch of old-fashioned jambalaya for the big weekend of football. This is great stuff, folks. We wouldn't lie to you.
If you need a great jambalaya, give it a shot. A full staff of fat men can't be wrong.
Laissez les gros homme roulez!
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