Before we get to Bonzo's Week 2 picks, it's worth noting that his intellecutal inferiors – the unimaginative "pundits" at CBS Sportsline – decided to come up with their own version of Bonzo this year, entitled "SPiN."

 

In their words, SPiN is "a select group of 'anti-experts' – a dog, a quarter, slips of paper inside a hat and a non-sports fan – aim to put CBSSports.com NFL experts on notice ... for your weekly entertainment

 

Wow. Sounds familiar. Give those boys an F for originality, but at least they're trying to copy the best.

 

Basically, they stole the idea from us, after their "pundits" were embarrassed by Bonzo back during the 2005 season and after our prognosticating primate turned into a media darling last spring with tons of pub about his (ultimately disastrous, even Prisco-like) mock draft.

 

Apparently, the guys at CBS Sportsline subscribe to the old theory: "If you're repeatedly humiliated in public by the Cold, Hard football Facts, you might as well surrender and acknowledge our greatness."

 

(In the interest of disclosure, the idea for Bonzo was passed along to us by some friends of the Cold, Hard Football Facts who asked to remain anonymous, for fear that their bosses would discover that they spent half their workday flipping a coin for an imaginary monkey. Damn slave-drivers. But it's not like we took the idea from a site who had first used it to embarrass us.)

 

In any case, CBS' random picks last week were no match for Bonzo's random picks. The best of their five stupid SPiN pickers went 8-8, while our wonderful Bonzo went 10-6 in Week 1.

 

You already knew CBS Sportsline's human "pundits" were no match for our human "pundits." Sadly, it seems that even their imaginary "pundits" aren't as good as our imaginary "pundits."

 

Pathetic.

 

On the CBS "pundit" side, only the illiterate sub-hominid Pete Prisco was better than Bonzo in Week 1, at 11-5. We're sure his mom was so proud that she posted the results on her refrigerator, next to the stick-figure portrait of the family he made back when he was in community college. Clark Judge tied our imaginary monkey at 10-6. Ron Davis (9-7), Steve Harmon (6-10) and Dave Richard (6-10) all failed to live up to the standards of an animal that shits on newspaper. 

 

Of course we went 1-6 in Week 1, so we're not in a position to mock too much. But at least we didn't steal CBS' ideas.

 

Bonzo, on the other hand, was feeling quite cocky this week. Thanks to our new "Monkey Translator 3000" software, which we introduced last week, we were able to get this statement from Bonzo on his Week 1 success:

 

 

Yes, our simian prognosticator was quite primed up for his Week 2 picks, which took over five hours to complete thanks to Bonzo's repeated use of "alone time." Cleanup, aisle two!

 

Here are Bonzo's picks, with his thoughts courtesy of the "Monkey Translator 3000." He won't be picking Ravens-Jets, as the Vegas line is now off.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bonzo's thoughts: He young good ... tight tens find way win ... who rattle cage?

Bonzo's thoughts: Skin eagle ... eat wings ... Bonzo thirsty  

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