By Frankie C.
Cold, Hard Football Facts round mound of rebound sex
Like all other men, we at the Cold, Hard Football Facts enjoy thinking of ourselves as suave, debonair and dashing. It makes our already bloated bodies swell with pride. Unfortunately, perception is not always reality. Sometimes the object of your affection is sending out subtle signals that your amorous advances are missing the target.
We know the average Cold, Hard Football Facts reader is not always sophisticated enough to pick up on these subtle hints. So we’ve gone through the trouble of listing some examples here for you. If faced with any of these hard-to-interpret circumstances, you should reexamine the nature of your relationship. They may be one of Frankie's ...
.... 5 signs that she’s just not that into you:
5. She takes out a restraining order
The casual dater and unsophisticated CHFF reader will believe that his name on her lips, even at the courthouse, is a sign of everlasting love. The Cold, Hard Legal Fact, however, is that these court orders are designed so that you will respect her "personal space" and to let you know that your outreach efforts are no longer appreciated. Speaking from personal experience, this is not a test to see if you really want her. Don’t put the courts to the test.
4. She moves out of state
This often confusing hint is easily recognized when a new and unfamiliar person answers the door of your beloved’s house … over and over. Listen, fellas, this is not that game where she moves and you follow. Take it from us, this is a tried and true example of the relationship having met its end. Stalking her across state lines is not the truest expression of devotion, either. It’s just a good way to gain a boyfriend named Earl.
3. She sleeps with strange men while you’re in the room
Does your “one and only” delight in making time with others while you’re around? Take that as sure-fire clue that this dainty flower couldn’t be less interested in spending time with you. You might even say she’s got better things and people to do. If the girls you fancy are like those with whom we’ve had our rare romantic dalliances, then you can still look forward to giving her a ride home.
2. She puts down her Barbie dolls and informs you she’s “telling her parents”
This is a sign of more than the fact that she’s not for you. Faced with this particularly disturbing nugget of information, we conclude two things. One, she’s not interested in you unless you wear a red suit and deliver toys once a year. Two, you need to quit listening to Michael Jackson. We don’t judge. We just make reasonable conclusions based upon the facts at hand.
1. She douses you with pepper spray
Nope, those aren't tears of love, men. Those are the tears of the freshly pepper-sprayed face. Nothing says “get away from me” like a healthy dose of a synthetic capsicum compound. You can assume with no degree of uncertainty that “Baby-Girl” don’t play that. From personal experience, our advice is to mix a solution of 25 percent dishwashing detergent and 75 percent water and then to dip your face in it several times over the course of an hour or so. This will remove the pepper spray oil and stop the burn. It will not bring "baby" back.
