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Think you’re having a bad day, what with the wife leaving you for the pool boy and all?
It could be worse.
You could be Lloyd Carr, the Michigan Wolverines, or anyone associated with
Ann Arbor, the University of Michigan, or the old-school college football power structure in general.
In case you missed it, mighty powerhouse Michigan lost, 34-32, Saturday to – who? – that’s right, Division 1-AA power Appalachian State. The shocking outcome did more than just upset the college football apple cart … it smacked around his wife, stole his car and drove off with his buxom 17-year-old daughter and her lesbian lover.
It was not a good day for the apple cart.
(On the other hand, the victory of Appalachian hill folk over the hoity townspeople of elitist Ann Arbor was cause for great celebration around the PIGSKIN Ford pick-up Saturday. That’s the Chief Troll in full celebratory mode and all his bourbon-drinking glory after the game, decked out in his trusty Appalachian State ballcap and hoodie, the official hoodie of the Cold, Hard Football Facts. Oh, and you thought we were kidding every time we mentioned the Appalachian State hoodie?)
It was no ordinary upset. Appalachian State is a Division 1-AA program from the famous football hotbed of ... Boone, North Carolina?
Michigan is – was – the No. 5 team in the nation and the Division 1-A program that’s won more games than any other school in the history of big-time college football. And, of course, the game was played in Michigan, at the famous “Big House” – the largest football stadium in the nation (capacity: 107,000).
It was the first time in history that a 1-AA team beat a ranked 1-A team.
Sure, Appalachian State has won back-to-back 1-AA national titles ... which is kind of like being the sober guy at the CHFF holiday party. Not a lot of competition there. The program's last game before walking into the Big House was a 28-17 win over U-Mass – a team most people in Massachusetts don't even know exists – in the 1-AA championship game back in December.
As far as upsets go, there are few comparisons in the history of American sports. Maybe the closest comparisons might be found off the field. Here are some of the things we've come up with.
Upsets that come close to approximating Appalachian State's win at Michigan:
- we meet a girl
- you lose weight
- Pete Prisco conjugates a verb
- Lindsay Lohan doesn't go on a drunken coke binge
- The 300 Spartans (the ones from Sparta, not the ones from East Lansing) actually beat the 20,000 Persians
Certainly few upsets in sports compare.
As is so often the case, the best part of a monumental defeat is watching the vultures circle around the maggot-infested bodies, in this case those of Carr and the Michigan program. The national media, and especially the media in Detroit and Ann Arbor, are having a field day feasting on the bloody carcasses. Here are some of the gory highlights:
