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Fantasy Fact No. 1: It’s Peyton’s world
Cold, Hard Fantasy Facts for August 13, 2007
By the Cold, Hard Football Facts staff
 As far as we’re concerned, fantasy football is about as cool as finally getting the nerve up to ask out that hot chick ... and then puking on her.
We get that it's a mega-industry these days, and some of us even take part in a league or two, but that's about as far as it goes. After all, we're about facts, not fantasies.
However, with the fantasy draft season upon us, we have decided to dip our toes into the fantasy ocean. And, like everything else we brew up in the Troll Dungeon, our analysis will blow the conventional hoo-hah away.
But we'll be happy to have real football to talk about soon. After all, fantasies are for strip clubs, not the gridiron.
We'll be releasing our fearless facts one by one, keeping the fantasy slaves drooling in anticipation.
Starting with ...
FEARLESS FANTASY FACT NO. 1: Picking Peyton Manning with the 2nd overall pick is the only way to go.
We understand why the running back is so important to a fantasy football roster. You need to start two every week, they pile up yards and touchdowns, and there are only about 20 good ones in the league.
So great. If you've got the No. 1 overall pick, go with LaDainian Tomlinson.
But anywhere after that, starting with the No. 2 pick, you've got to go with Peyton Manning.
We know that all of the 'experts' say Manning should go mid-first, after the top-tier running backs. Well, rip up those stupid lists and actually use your brain.
Think: If Tomlinson isn’t the best offensive player in the league, who is? If the answer isn’t “Peyton Manning,” you have lost all perspective and should consider a full body cleansing at your local ashram.
If you hadn't been reminded by his Super Bowl smile or his endless NFL commercials, here’s what you get with the Peyton Manning fantasy package.
- Guaranteed to lead the league in passing TDs. Well, not guaranteed, but close. Since 2002, he’s gone 2nd-2nd-1st-2nd-1st. For his CAREER, he’s averaging 30.6 TDs a season.
- Guaranteed to throw for 4,000 yards. Except for 2005, when the Colts went 14-2 and Manning didn’t need to chuck it in the fourth quarter, he’s had 4,000 yards every season since 1999.
- Won’t miss a game. Nine years, zero missed starts.
- Jim Sorgi won’t come into the game at the goal line. All great running backs have that season where they pile up yards but don’t score (except Tomlinson). This is not going to be a problem for Manning, who treats the end zone like his own oversized dart board.
If you have Manning, you will finish no worse than fourth place. If you have ever had Manning on your fantasy team and been out of contention, please e-mail us at lyingmofo@fullofit.com.
All of the top running backs besides Tomlinson have questions.
Larry Johnson: Holdout.
Steven Jackson: Rams took RB Brian Leonard in the 2nd round.
Frank Gore: Coming off first great season, Niners lost OC Norv Turner.
Shaun Alexander: Turns 30 in two weeks.
And then there's Peyton Manning, the surest thing since betting the over when Tim Donaghy's reffing an NBA game.
So please. Enough RB propaganda. Pick Peyton No. 2, take the abuse from your idiot buddies, and “Cut! That! Meat!” all the way to victory.
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