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It hasn't been a good offseason for Michael Vick.

 

First the notorious bottle of water that may or may not have had marijuana residue. Then the tragedy at his alma mater, Virginia Tech. And then, the allegations that he's a big player in the world of dogfighting.

 

And we thought we missed the distraction of an NFL season. 

 

 

In short, Michael Vick is no dog. He's rough around the edges, a bit of a disappointment for the money invested, but he's a legitimate NFL player with a future ahead.

 

But all the talk of Vick and dogs got us thinking. So we've gone through the rolls of NFL history like bloodhounds, looking  for the biggest bowsers ever, guys that were drafted high, counted on for greatness, and delivered nothing but doggie drool.

 

These guys didn't show much fight in the NFL, but they'll get a chance to redeem themselves in our no-holds-barred battle to the death to determine who's the biggest, baddest, awfulest dog in NFL history. To be the best (and the worst), these dogs had to be a unique blend of abject failure and shameful behavior – no easy task, even for a football player.

 

No wagering, please.

 

Receiver Harry Babcock was the No. 1 pick overall in the 1953 draft, a guy who had torn up the NCAA at Georgia and was primed for a big pro career. He didn't bring any great shame onto humanity, except for his play – the Niners were a pretty decent team then, but Babcock did absolutely nothing to help them. In 30 career games, Babcock finished with a total of 16 catches, 181 yards and no TDs.

 

Schlichter, on the other hand, was scum incarnate. It was fitting that he was born in Washington Court House, Ohio, because he spent as much time in a court house as he did a football field. Coming off three top-10 finishes in the Heisman voting at Oho State, he was supposed to be the savior for a Colts team that went 2-14 in 1981. But this No. 4 overall pick was both terrible (42.6 passer rating) and shady – his compulsive gambling problem saw him suspended for the 1983 season and incarcerated several times.

 

 

Eagles fans are still trying to forget Kevin Allen, who was the biggest in a series of first-round busts on the offensive line. Allen, the No. 9 overall pick in the 1985 draft out of Indiana, was supposed to be a great pass protector. Instead, he started four games and was so bad that he got sent to special teams and then waivers at the end of the season. A positive cocaine test and three-year bid for sexual assault followed, and he never returned to the NFL – although, with 50 extra pounds, he did play sparingly in four Arena football seasons in the 1990s.

 

Rogers technically has time for redemption (he's only 26), but this No. 2 overall pick is the face of Detroit's failed franchise. His dog-ness was caused largely by injuries (two collarbone breaks), but he joined the kennel for good by testing positive for drugs while he was hurt and then getting passed over by the entire league upon being cut by the Lions in 2005. According to one report, he ran a 4.8 40 in workouts this offseason, which is how fast we run through Wal-Mart on a Dukes of Hazzard action figure shopping spree. His career totals: 36 catches, 440 yards, $14 million in bonus money.

 

 

Leftridge was a man before his time. In an era when performance-enhancing drugs were virtually unheard of, he self-destructed his way out of the NFL the only way he could – with food. Leftridge, a fullback, was the first black player at West Virginia, and the No. 3 pick in the 1966 draft despite leaving college early. He was the first pick of Steel Curtain architect Art Rooney Jr., and the worst! Leftridge carried eight times for 17 yards, porked up 50 pounds to 280, and got cut. The Steelers would win a total of seven games in the three seasons after picking "Lefty."

 

 

   vs. CB Bruce Pickens (four teams, 1991-1993, 1995)

Garrett was the all-American kid. A star QB at Stanford – and left-footed kicker to boot – he was the No. 1 overall pick of the 1954 draft by the Cleveland Browns, the heir to Otto Graham's throne. The only problem was that he stuttered. Couldn't say words that started with "S," apparently, without choking on his tongue. The Browns lumped him in a multiplayer deal and sent him to Green Bay, where he attempted 30 passes and then retired. He tried a comeback with Cleveland in 1957, but it didn't take.

 

Pickens gets credit for longevity – four seasons in the NFL is an eternity in dog years – but made up for it with terrible play and shoddy behavior. Picked No. 3 overall in 1991, he refused to sign with the Falcons and actually threatened to sue them. He didn't sign until October, and never cracked the starting lineup. He was charged with rape (later dropped), and after eight stars in three seasons was traded for a conditional draft pick that never came about. In 1993, he played for the Falcons, Packers and Chiefs, and missed the entire 1994 season due to disinterest. He almost redeemed himself with a full 16-game season for the Raiders in 1995 ... nah. Dog city.

 

 

    vs. DE Reggie Rogers (three teams, 1987-88, 1991, 1992)

Here's a charming tandem, responsible for four deaths between them. Carruth was a pretty good NFL player who was the best rookie receiver in the league (545 yards in 1997) before breaking his ankle in 1998 and then deciding that helping to murder his pregnant girlfriend would be a swell idea. If he wants to make a comeback, he'll have to wait until October 22, 2018 when he's due to be released from jail.

 

Rogers was a dominating pass rusher from the University of Washington, but when the Lions drafted him No. 7 overall in 1987 they knew they were taking a huge risk. Rogers' older brother Don Rogers, a safety for the Browns, had died of a cocaine overdose in 1986, and Reggie was scarred by this. In the middle of his rookie season, he spent 21 days at an "emotional counseling session." Then, after 11 games and two starts in two seasons, he killed three teenagers in a car crash while drunk. He served a whopping one year in jail for negligent homicide, and both the Bills and Bucs saw fit to give him second chances – both chances ending after two games.

 

There have been a bunch of first-round QBs to flame out in the NFL over the last two decades, but few did it with as much flair as Marinovich. The man who once gave the finger to Touchdown Jesus at Notre Dame got his big break when Al Davis ignored all the red flags and made him the No. 24 pick overall in the 1990 draft. Marinovich would play erratically for a bit in Oakland, then get cut after his second year, never to return to the NFL. Drug arrests, at least three kids out of wedlock, and general mayhem would follow, although he did make a small comeback in Arena football.

 

Few first-round picks will ever be as useless as Underwood, who suffers from severe mental illness that has led to repeated suicide attempts. He never made it to training camp for the team that drafted him, quitting before he ever started in the summer of 1999. He then signed with Miami that same season, lasting one preseason game. He played 19 games with no starts for Dallas before flaming out for good in 2001. 

 

 

Mandarich made it into this dog-eat-dog tournament on the strength of his incredibly overhyped, steroid-driven selection at No. 2 overall in 1989. He was supposed to be the next great lineman for the Packers, the best ever, some said, but after a season on the bench and two so-so seasons as a starter, he was banished to the CFL. However, Mandarich got a measure of redemption when he returned to the NFL with the Colts from 1996-1998, starting 32 games. 

 

Phillips, on the other hand, never found any type of redemption. The No. 6 player picked in the 1996 draft despite an ugly domestic assault at Nebraska, he averaged a whopping 3.4 YPC in the NFL and wore out his welcome in three cities. Off-field assaults would follow, and he's currently awaiting sentencing after being convicted of assault. He drove onto a field near Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum after losing a pickup football game on Aug. 21, 2005. He struck two boys, ages 14 and 15, and a 19-year-old man. A fitting end to his career.

 

Woof! Leaf's terrible NFL career is well documented. The best year of Leaf's career was 1999, when he didn't play thanks to a shoulder injury and spared the Chargers his surly attitude and inaccurate throwing arm. His mark of two TDs and 15 INTs as a rookie might never be topped, and the only reason he got more playing time in 2000 is because the immortal Moses Moreno was injured. Amazingly enough, he started three games for the Cowboys in 2001, sharing time with Quincy Carter, Anthony Wright and Clint Stoerner – a dogfight if ever we've heard of one.

 

McCants' canine NFL career wasn't as bad as Leaf's, but for a No. 4 overall pick it was plenty bad. He couldn't figure out the playbook in Tampa, so they switched him from LB to DE. It took him a year to figure that out, and after two seasons starting for a terrible Buc team he was cut loose with a total of 12 sacks. Did we mention that he kept a serious knee injury quiet until after getting his $2.5 million bonus as a rookie? He played with Houston and Arizona as a reserve before quietly retiring.

 

This is a tough battle. Both of these guys were unabashed disasters in the NFL, and both continued down the bad path after their dog-like careers. Marinovich has been charged with everything from rape to heroin possession to child pornography, an impressive array worthy of its own episode of "Cops." But then again, Rogers, the man who killed three kids while drunk, went back to jail in the mid-90s after another drunk-driving conviction.

 

And the winner is ... Rogers. His career was worse than Marinovich's, and Marinovich's path of self-destruction hasn't come with a body count.

 

Serial stutterer vs. problem gambler. These two quarterbacks both made Akili Smith look like  Dan Marino, but who was the bigger dog? Garrett gave the NFL less production from a No. 1 overall perch, but Schlichter did considerable more harm to the image of the game while also sucking hardcore. And considering the fact that Garrett led a normal life after football while, as recently as 2004, Schlichter was caught gambling in prison and did four months in the hole ...

 

 

Ryan Leaf is the poster boy for dogging it, but Allen was at least his match. For the price of a No. 9 overall pick, the Eagles got a total of four games at tackle from Allen, who added drugs and assault to the doggie trifecta. But then there's Leaf, who came along at the start of the internet/24-hour news cycle era and so found his ugly transgressions broadcast worldwide. Still, for all his faults, he never crossed the line from childish to criminal, and is currently head golf coach at West Texas A&M – yes, that's a real school, not the one Scott Bakula quarterbacked in "Necessary Roughness."

 

 

The smart money is on Phillips here, and for good reason – he was a terrible player and a repugnant person. Leftridge, the biggest dog of the 1960s, flopped harder than Phillips did, but his crime was overeating. And the Trolls here at Cold, Hard Football Facts can identify with too many burritos on a Friday night more easily than we can with dragging your ex-girlfriend down the stairs by her hair, as Phillips famously did in college.

 

 

The Final Four at our version of the Westminster Dog Show is an ugly bunch. Three of the four players served time in jail, with Phillips about to join them literally any day now as he awaits a judge's sentencing. All top-10 picks, they provided their teams a total of 32 starts and about as many court appearances. 

DOGFIGHT! FINALS